Tuesday, February 28, 2012

There aren't enough books in The Hunger Games to fill your Edwardian fantasy library.

Every day during one of my endless internet adventures I see a picture like this: 
Lili Aber Regen via Desire to Inspire

Followed by something like: *squee* "One day I'll have a room like this in my house! *end squee*

source?
Trick, please.  Based on the flagrant disregard for cohesive sentence structure in your blog post and/or the three pins I saw before this one that I'm totally judging you on, I'm going to guess that you don't read a lot of books.  Certainly not enough to warrant hundreds of linear feet of shelving space.  

The last book you probably picked up was Snooki's autobiography at Target and whatever remaining shred of dignity you possess rightfully made you put it back on the shelf.  

via Apartment Therapy
I'm guessing the only books that you physically own are probably a few books you were forced to read in college, Skinny Bitch and Eat, Pray Love.  Let's not pretend like you have the time, inclination or comprehensive reading skills to process the amount of material displayed so orderly behind that succulent green curtain.  

You wouldn't know what an antagonist was if it walked up to you in matching UGG boots, ripped the fro yo out of your hands and proceeded to beat you about the head.  Maybe you could block the blows with the Kindle Fire that you tell people you love to read on but really only use to watch old episodes of Dawson's Creek via Netflix.

Confession: I barely know what an antagonist is and I'm in a book club.


I'm all for gorgeous pictures of books.  I'm kinda posting pictures of them RIGHT FUCKING NOW and lawd knows I've waxed poetic about them in the past.  But I have the decency to not pretend like I'm going to have a library like any of these images. And I actually READ!

Well mostly.  It ebbs and flows.  I've had books on my nightstand for months - ok years -  that I'll get to one day but the hour I could have spent reading is an hour I spent instead finding these pictures of bookshelves.  For YOU.  So sorry, dusty book of Eudora Welty short stories next to my alarm clock.  What's one more unread night when we're already shared so so many?! 

source? I suck at credit today. Sorry.
I knew a girl that used to pull out the "smart" books on her shelf and display them facing outward so everyone could see their titles and therefore marvel how smart she is for reading such respected tomes.  Obviously she didn't think we were smart enough to figure out her sneaky plan.  

I'm much more likely to display my most-read books facing out for easy access like my Sextrology book and Twilight.
From Maison Boheme who you can tell reads.
I'm kidding.  All my shelves are hidden in a cedar-lined closet library installed by the previous owners so I don't display any books for public ridicule.  It's a pretty awesome space and is great for hiding my books about astrology and sparkle vampires.  Or that Anita Shreve phase I went through...  


Andy by 'Anita Shreve' I mean 'every book Suze Orman has ever attached her name to.'

here
Besides, if someone does were to run across a smart book in the open I'm afraid they'll ask me an insightful question about it and I'll have to deflect by screaming obscenities at them and pretending we're about to be attacked by rogue vampires.

Histoire via Plastolux
Beacuse really - have you EVER been in a house where a person had more than two maaybe three Billy bookcases full of books?  Uh, no.

So let's remember kids: Repetition in excess is either disgustingly luxurious, a delusion or a phone call away from Dr. Robin Zasio's furrowed brow appearing at your front door so choose wisely what you want to collect.  

Or what you lie about collecting.

Yep.  They sure do.  But I hate to tell a bitch there aren't enough books in The Hunger Games to fill their fantasy Edwardian library.

Note to self: work on cohesive sentence structure.

14 comments:

  1. This was the perfect way to end my day. Loads of lovely books I don't have to dust, or read, make me happy. (In all honesty, I'm a book whore.) When your book comes out, and it will, I will nestle it in between Flaubert and Vonnegut. This will be right where it belongs; between beautiful imagery and an *. Fitting placement, I think!

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    1. Seriously - the DUSTING! Whore them books, girl. I can tell you ain't faking!

      I would be honored to have such a place on your bookshelves. HA! Forget the Dewey Decimal system!

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  2. I seriously DO want a library like these. Is that so wrong? Need I give up the addiction? That would make me Dewey Eyed Decimaled! (K)

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    1. I approve of your desire to have a library like these if you actually USE it! Not that you need my approval for any of your Dewey-Eyed Decimal ways!

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  3. My upright books have book lying on top of them because I am running out of bookshelf space. What does that say about me? I should be scared to ask, but you seem to have given this a lot of thought...

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    1. I have books scattered everywhere too - I think it says we care more about actually reading books than making people think we read books. I have a lot of time on my hands to figure this stuff out when I SHOULD be reading. I need to get a life.

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  4. I had a pretty good start on a library like those, except my books were on bookshelves lining the walls, stacked in corners, taking up all the space in my closets, masquerading as doorstops and nightstands....seriously, they were taking up WAY too much room. Then my kids bought me an iPad for Christmas and I started selling my books. And giving them away. Just GETTING THEM OUT OF MY HOUSE. I'm with you, Sauce - nice pictures of books are far better than the real thing!

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    1. Your kids are NICE! Are they in need of a really cool aunt maybe?

      Use books how you want - let's just all agree to not use them as props for our personality!

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  5. You lie! I can fill waaaaay more than three freakin' bookcases. Unfortunately for Husband-cat, who eyes my tomes with a big WTF?! on his face. I have bookcases in the house and 6 boxes in the basement (WHICH I VISIT). One day I'm going to come home and he'll have buried all of them in the yard. Under cement.

    But the dusting. Sweet god, there is nothing better than an enclosed bookcase. Fuck these people and their nasty ass dust collectors.

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    1. I'm not surprised that MY readers have tons of books because they obviously are very learned and have great taste in reading material. If you can fill a giant library then fuck yes do it! But glass doors FTW!

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  6. I have been trolling consignment shops & Goodwill for barrister cabinets in hopes of keeping my dear books tucked in nice & not so neat. I have always wanted a library with a black leather chair & a Kashmir Paisley Matelasse throw. Oh and a fireplace. Jamie and Claire deserve it!

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    1. I would gladly fill an entire library just of Jamie and Claire!

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  7. Mine would be, "Gonna get that bitch a craft room. Bitches love craft rooms." ;)

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    1. Hot glue that man to your side 4eva!!

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