Monday, April 7, 2014

This year's garden is sponsored by alcohol.

So I was supposed to do a bedroom update but instead of painting my nightstand this weekend I got sidetracked with SPRING!  *twirls around in freshly-mowed grass with a spiked iced chai*

Ahh Spring.  That wondrous time of year when birds come out to sing and assholes come out to drive around my block real slow like to watch me bend over and sweat while I do yardwork.  

Well I'm giving them a good show this year - now with extra grunting! - because I've gotten an early start on the ModSauce Gardens of Eternal Delight!  I'm chopping down giant shrubs, clearing debris and have already been at the nurseries before they even get their good shit in.  I'M DRUNK IN LOVE with playing in the dirt.

Literally drunk.  It's chai season, motherfuckers, so I've been pouring some Godiva white chocolate liquer in there and it's the stuff of dreams.  I get one any time of the day or night for accomplishing something yard-related.  I'm hoping to have a yard so pretty I'll be an alcoholic by the end of the summer!

Or until it's too hot to work.

So far I've planted this little (not so little) guy:

This is the spot of doom and a different plant has died here every year for the last six years.  I have a good feeling about this laurel though but maybe it's just the booze talking.  That little sedum thingy in the front is coming back from last year so I feel like that's a good omen.

I'm trying to clean up the ground mess but it's mostly from the two angry holly bushes I trimmed that are next to it and they like to torture me.

Like millions of little daggers trying to destroy my hands!  I curse the previous owners who thought planting twelve of these was a good idea.  I have the scratched and bloody forearms of a tweeker right now.  Better get myself TWO spiked chai lattes for comfort.

And here's what's next in line for planting:

Charlemagne loves to make new green friends.
Pro tip: if you think of them all as annuals you'll never be disappointed!  

Considering a lot of these ARE annuals it's like I'm hardly even lying.

I'm feeling more positive than ever about my black thumb so hopefully my shameful flower beds will be worth actually showing you in a few months.

*drunkenly waves to you with muddy/bloody hands*

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