Blah, blah, blah it's fuckin hot. Us Southerners are genetically evolved to hibernate in the summer come late July and August because no living creature should ever be subjected to temperatures in the 90's with matching humidity. But the hawtness has come early this year (let's just blame BP - I don't know why just do it) and has rendered me virtually useless except for excessive daydreaming about Seagram's Gin yachting and naps billowing white linen. Summer = white for obvious reasons like trying to keep cool in a thin ivory linen skirt that seductively highlights my white granny panties underneath (to keep with the white theme of course) but this year seems especially white-y. But not in the racist way. Just the normal 'white is an awesomely pretty non-color' way. I'm not racist of course - I already referenced Seagram's Gin in this paragraph for gawd's sake! Oh fuuuuckk!! THAT'S totally racist! Moving on...
Anyway, since the dawn of time every designer ever to sashay around a Restoration Hardware has loved white. It's totally true. I don't know how many of them I have heard profess that one day they want an entire room to themselves all in white. It'll be next to that gift-wrapping room. The Madame may or may not have also said those words... It was probably the gin talkin. There is something about all white that is just so fresh and breezy - just like a warm muggy summer wind up my linen skirt. It seems so decadent to have a room specially decorated to defy all rational thought for daily living that it must be locked away in secret. Like a padded cell or a sanctuary. Both probably. What happens in there is of course a complete fantasy - there's no dust, footprints, greasy pizza roll smudges, wine stains, cat vomit or Cheetos residue So fresh and so clean clean.
Charlemagne does look really good surrounded by all white - her fluffy fur contrasts quite well with my white West Elm Parsons desk and white gourd lamp. I just blend in.
I'm not sure where the white on white look came from: 30's glam, post war European modern, MC industrial design, 60’s mod? According to vintage science ficiton we imagined the future was all in white because future people don't have greasy fingers because Swiffer took over the world and genetically fused their cleaning power with human DNA so everytime future people touch something it cleans it. Awesome. That's so much better than what The Matrix told me the future was going to be about! (except for the underground raves. That still sounds pretty damn cool.)
It's pretty and all but this lady should probably make Madame Sunday a palette in the floor to sit on so I don't dirty up her chairs with my common filth. Do you remember reading a magazine editorial a few years ago about some prissy couple in NYC that had an all white apartment and they were so committed to keeping it all white that they would take off their dirty "city" clothes whenever they came home and put them into the laundry area right by the front door? Well I remember it because I fucking hate them with every fiber of my being.
Ok I kinda like this one. Except for the, you know, complete lack of any part of it that would work for my lifestyle that of course involves drippy pizza rolls in bed and grass-stained yard shoes walking on white floors that I would probably only Swiffer like once a month. Damn you slow-to-realize future Swiffer technology! Wait... I meant Madame Sunday is so glamorously divine that I don't even MAKE dirt! I leave a streak of gleaming sunshine wherever I go. La la li laaa...
Black legs.
BLACK LEGS!!!!
I need to tame the beast that is the influence of HGTV DIY bullshit that tells me I could do this with a can of spray paint and some thrift store frames. It makes my index finger twitchy with crafty anticipation but also makes me *eyeroll* because this isn't a home it's a showroom. A showroom where you are only allowed to wear socks on those alabaster floors.
a white installation I got from somewhere but can't remember...
Monochromatic (especially white) makes any haphazard collection of stuff look artistic and design-y (and possibly Hoarders-y). Just like my collection of Jonathan Adler vases, Hollywood Regency blanc de chine and cotton ball collages.
Somewhere along the way white became farmhouse shabby chic and even if you wanted that style dead like a 1000-year-old vampire burned in the sun it's still rearing its undead head as evidenced in this NYT article. I don't put that shit on MS so this is the closest you'll see - it has multiple tulip bases so I thought we'd be safe. I'm not sure what farmhouse I've ever seen that could work as a completely white space - maybe one that was not actually near a farm in any capacity.
From the West Elm catalog this summer.
We're all about white this 2010 because everyone decided to become born-again virgins after the last few years full of drama, recessions and general sluttin around. And just like in the real world when you recommit to "virginity" by slapping on a purity ring of some kind and saying "Dear Jesus, my bad!" we can just buy some white pillows, conveniently forget about whatever we don't like and pretend we all live in a fantasy land full of innocence and purity and Swiffer fingertips . Even Young Jeezy is going white!
Actually we CAN just do that because this editorial is so fuckawesome I just forgot what day it was let alone what happened in our design conscious over the past few years. Behold the power of the collective trend.
These ladies are so fresh and clean clean now they don't even remember the housing slump, Bernie Madoff or that Michael Jackson died. Sssshhhhhh!! Don't remind them...
Vogue Italia from Refinery 29
Ahhhh.... like a refreshingly muggy summer breeze of purity and innocence up my skirt.
