Welcome to Lemane Vintage! Any excuse to use 'Fecundity' more often.

Hoo boy.  Who would have thought that a year of absolute awfulness would have been punctuated with a fascist exclamation point?  Did Mercury retrograde itself directly into the Sun?  Did I verb a noun one too many times and now we're here?  

Most of 2016 was just a series of unfortunate events - everything broke just when I needed to use it, I hemorrhaged money, technical difficulties, you name it, tragedy happened.  But I was really proud that no matter what random daily shit storm that was served to me on a silver platter of awful I didn't lose sight of my goals and I'm not going to do that now.  We can't let the terrorists when. Even when the CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.

Rather than wait even longer until our world isn't on fire anymore - both figuratively and literally here in TN - I'm officially announcing the opening of my Etsy store of fabulosity.  Squeee!  

So welcome to Lemane Vintage, online pusher of eclectic finds and vintage soul.  And that's Luh-mane.  Bonus points for how many syllables you can drag the 'mane' out to be.  More than two and congrats, you're Southern.

The shop is all about vintage decor and accessories (and maybe some clothing soon)!  Finally I have a real excuse for spending so much time at those estate sales.  IT'S FOR BUSINESS, MOM!  And despite this year's atrocities, I've had so much fun gathering all kinds of goodies and finding them new friends to hand out with in the studio... 

...until they come to live in your stylish home!  I'm essentially opening a rescue mission for vintage decor.

But all this is happening because of the renovation I told you about last time.  Welcome to the home base of Lemane Vintage, my new studio.

It went from room of shame to workroom of smiles with only all my savings and a bucket of tears!

All of these shelves are lined with my wares which I've been collecting over the past year or so.  Turns out I'm much faster at shopping than taking pictures.  

Not only is this my craft room, art studio, online workshop, laundry overflow and sometimes yoga room, it's gonna be a jungle too!  All the plants that were suffering in other parts of the house have been moved in here for more sun.  A ficus was even donated to the cause.  

I love hanging out in the space because of the light but also because it's constantly in movement.  Friends are coming and going and new items come in and move around... just good positive vibes all around.  More homey than fussy.  That should be my shop motto.

We got your wall hangings and your boho brass and all the mid century glittery things your heart (and mine) could desire.  Seriously, some of these things are hard to let go.  Please give these good homes before they wander back into my living room...

I honestly felt a little guilty launching a personal venture during our country's time of crisis but if I've learned anything recently it's that ACTION is key.  Just gotta add activism to our hobbies.  Your Tindr profile better say you like homebrew and social justice.  

So once I realized I could multitask and both fight injustice AND start a passion project, I got serious with setting up the shop.  Self care to facilitate service.  Embodiment for empowerment.  Fecundity against fascism!  Damn, I obviously should have opened a pithy tshirt business instead of a vintage store! 

And I have a framed picture of Lagertha so a warrior can watch over me and kick my ass when I need it.  I will have her bless every item with badassery before it heads out the door.

Both this room and setting up the shop took a long ass time to happen but it's 110% worth it and I'm loving it.  I'm having a lot of fun and sending these rescued items out to their new homes is the best feeling!  

This handsome Bauer casserole and server needs macaroni and cheese in it ASAP.

Come hang out with me on Etsy at Lemane Vintage and on Instagram.  And since y'all have a special place in my heart all ModSauce readers get 15% the rest of this month using the code ModernSauce15.  I heart y'all and will try to set up listings for lots more items for y'all to choose from.  The sun is such an asshole and sets at 3 pm so it's cutting into my photography time.  Ugh, thanks astronomy.

Lemane and Lagertha and Lacy 4eva.

A Black Flamingeaux Summer

*rolls rock away from cave, squints into the sun*

Look who it is, ghostbustin babes!  Feels like I've just been gone a few months but according to science it's been a year.  I have the internal clock (and body shape) of Jupiter.  If you're still here I applaud your loyalty/inability to update your blog preferences.

This year, y'all... truly the Coachella of all fuckfests.  Not only were all the planets in retrograde but everybody kept dying, we're in a severe drought and now we have Fuckface Von Clownstick with his tiny fingers too close to the nukes.  Feel the radiation burn.  I can't wait for this summer to be over.

But we did get Lemonade, Dr. Jillian Holtzmann and probably a lady president so there's that.  I had a really good hair day last month so this year hasn't been a total waste.

Turns out not blogging freed up some time to do some things like live life again, garden, write things in my MochiThings planner, renovate the Ranch and try to finds words that end in -o that I can replace with -eaux to make me sound edgier.  Pinteaux beans?  Dildeaux?

As much as we love butchering the English language, I know y'all love a rags-to-middle class makeover more.  Let me introduce you to my storage room/den/swingers' dungeon of delight that I spent six months transforming earlier this year.

This is AFTER the thrift store came and picked up tons of my shit to donate.

It was the former carport that was closed in some time 40+ years ago and never touched again. It holds my junk and Christmas decorations and Charlemagne also likes to nap in here because it gets great sunlight although you can't tell because the walls and floor are made of sadness.  Also duct tape which holds the seams together.

So New Year's day I had an itching to paint the walls and give her a good scrub down so I could quit thinking of this space as a sasquatch airbnb room.  Just a simple refresher, she said!  I'll be done by January 3rd!

Well the fresh paint highlighted just how ugly everything else still was...

Well, shit.  I guess I gotta paint my adjoining laundry room too...  And although the purists in my life wanted me to keep the original wood stain on the ceiling I just didn't have the mental strength to do any more loads of laundry under that shroud of cigarette-stained darkness.

The storage room/room of shame had an acoustic tiled ceiling which I assumed had wood underneath but wasn't sure.  I got bold after a gin-and-grapefruit one night and did some mild demo and WHEEEEE a pretty ceiling was revealed.

As was my new Spring hobby of removing hundreds of tiles and staples one by one.  

Look at that disgusting fan blade. I obviously didn't even go in this room...

My shoulders are boss now but my hands have been permanently deformed.

I have future plans for that stunning art, don't you worry.

So many tiles I had to Shawshank Redemption them and take them out in batches into my trash for a month straight.

Once all the demo was done and every staple were stepped on, each surface required three coats of Kilz and another three of Valspar's Ultra White in Satin finish.  I spent more time and money on paint than I ever have in my life.  But I LOVE the satin finish on everything.  All my future paint finishes will be this.

You have to cut in all this mess in the laundry room... Fuck me.

Time to go low.

Poor flooring dude scraping away two layers and decades of filth.

At this point since I was all in I decided to replace the disgusting old linoleum with fancy NEW LINOLEUM.  I was already spending all my tax return money so what the hell.  I didn't need that new laptop... The exact size I needed - down to the inch - was found in a dusty warehouse and that kind of serendipity can only be explained by Our Prince Who Art in Heaven and you can't say no to vinyl from the great dance club in the sky.

There were a few small hiccups to this whole process such as this disgusting brick ledge at the base of two of the walls I had to figure out how to cover nicely...

I just patched the wall holes, nothing fancy.

I found a handyman - who happened to be the kind of handsome that handyman porn cliches are pulled from - that helped take care of some of this mess.  He decided it would be easier to use a self-leveling concrete rather than building out a wood box over the brick and I didn't care as long as it was done fast and cheap.  Which is exactly how I prefer my porn.

Close enough.

It took weeks to get some concrete poured and trim installed and I'm just happy that I didn't end up in jail for murdering his handsome face.  Apparently beautiful people never developed the normal life skills that the rest of us ugly schmucks need to survive like time management, reliability and honesty. The longer I waited, the uglier he got.

Ok fine.

But in the end and after lots of paint this little ledge turned out more beautiful than he could ever be.  It's the Dorian Gray of home improvement projects.  And who would even care that this floor is basically plastic?!  Looks damn good to me.  But I'm just an ugly schmuck with Purple Jesus on my side.

Ahhh, sweet relief.  Not gonna lie, this room makes me immensely happy.  It's fairly huge - about 15x20 - and I do a lot of twirling in here.  And eventually yoga and barre and lots of crafting and other general merriment.

Don't forget about the laundry room!  I cannot believe I ever questioned leaving the dark wood ceiling.  My washing machine already leaked all over the floor and because my floor is waterproof I JUST MOPPED THAT SHIT UP NO PROBLEM.  

I haven't painted the back door yet. I just... couldn't go on...

Still looking for the perfect laundry room accessories and bins.  I think a rolling cart is in my future.  And lots of cool hooks.

The storage room of shame is now renamed the STUDIO and as soon as I get done caulking - so much caulk! Caulk everywhere! - I've got exciting things planned...

To review my extensive list of sources: Valspar Ultra White paint, IKEA Melodi pendants, brown "wood" vinyl from a local dirty warehouse, Edsal shelves I painted white and would never do again because it was awful, cheap rug from a different dirty warehouse, months of labor from myself, my dad and above handyman.

I had wanted to renovate this here blog or find another avenue for expression before I posted again but here we are.  Bloger is positively retro now.  I may not be posting mood boards and lifestyle fun times but I do want to keep a diary of home renovations.  I like to have the process all in one place and we can get all the other stuff at Pinterest.

But the exciting news is that this here studio space is going to become an Etsy shop in the next few weeks so stay tuned!  If you're still reading this you deserve a prize so expect deals and fun stuff just for you.  I might be entering an oversaturated market but I'm stoked and I have a lot of vintage beauties that need good homes like y'all's.

So I hope your year has been great so far and let me know anything I missed!  And how many Pokemon Geaux guys you've caught so far...

Sweet dreams are made of carnivorous greens. FINALLY.

Welcome, welcome, internet friends and strangers, to my inner sanctum where all the magic happens... the sauce flows (??)... the cat gets snuggled.   

Please put on your human-sized condom before you come in.

Sadly, I realized that I "started" this project in FEBRUARY of this year which is pretty embarrassing.  However, it's pretty much looked like this for the past three or four months so blame my poor blogging skillz not necessarily my completion skillz.  Well, you might hate that part too.  It's cool.

It's a fairly small room so I didn't want to get too cluttered or dramatic.  However my initial inspiration was a 'heart of darkness/carnivorous green' vibe which really only makes sense to me.

To refresh, the headboard wall is painted Valspar's Forest Canapy and the rest of the walls are Pantone's Cloud Dancer (see process here).  Dark green was a weird choice I know but after after seven months I still love it.  If you hate it I'm not offended in the slightest.

I thought having an accent wall would feel gimmicky or trendy but it doesn't at all (yet).  This wall is part of the main load bearing wall of the house and having a dark color on it feels kinda grounding.  I'm actually going to paint the rest of the hallway this wall connects to the same color as well.  Does this sound like I'm justifying an accent wall?  Maybe.   

Cohesion is my goal for 2015.

Also, this room gets great morning sun so having the rest of the white walls makes the whole space feel really open and airy.  Like you're almost DANCING IN THE CLOUDS. Eh...?!  EH...?! *eyebrow wiggle*

Someone previously asked me about the texture of my walls which after being painted blackish green now resembles avocado skin:

Or pimples?

This is ONE coat of FLAT paint.  I can't think of a reason to ever use flat paint (vandalism?) but in this case I still get a lot of reflection from the wall texture while still having it feel velvety (not chalky) which is what I wanted.  Mission accomplished.

The opposite side of the room from the entrance is entirely closet space which seems like a great idea until you try to actually use them.  Fun fact: when I moved in the back of each door and the wall in between was covered in mirrors and a light installed above them to make a sort of threeway mirror "dressing room" when you open the doors.  

I can't decide if that's totally fucking weird or totally fucking smart...

Does a boring nun live here?

This room was also covered in a dirty beige paint color (in part due to nicotine stains) and a country blue duck wallpaper border that took weeks to clean off thanks to the avocado skin wall texture.  I also removed an ugly ceiling fan sticky with cigarette filth.  Unfortunately, the ceiling fan was actually holding up the ceiling and the heavy plaster began to sag and slowly collapse.  I held it up with a ladder and stacks of magazines while I lived in the guest room. 

Eventually I was able to have one of them fancy sheetrock ceilings put in so I wouldn't die from a plaster avalanche.  Ah, the joys of home improvement.

Castle print courtesy of an antique store and a vintage science illustration in a Ribba frame all from my large treasure closet (horde) of goodies.

Ignore the white streak, it's a bitch and a half to remove.

The hamper is a vintage African woven basket I got at a local antique mall for about $50.  A sound investment, I say.  Curtains are IKEA's Vivan sheers and the grey side panels are Aina.  I cannot say how grateful I feel that IKEA now has white curtain rods AND curtain hooks that work in all of their curtains.   Really classin' the joint up.  I'm not really a big fan of puddling curtains but I'm even less a fan of hemming ten panels so here we are.

Fortunately I have an entire wall of windows opposite my bed.  Even better is that I have a low roof over my patio and a privacy fence beyond that because I never close the sheers when I change.  If my neighbors see anything it's their own fault that they will have to deal with in their own nightmares.  

But I do have a nice patio view which I try to not enjoy while topless.  Too often...

Charlemagne loves to hang out in the herb garden.

Back inside it's less colorful but still just as much IKEA.  I'm soooo glad I went with the two side-by-side 4 drawer Malms.  I use every single one of the drawers and the height is perfect.   

I had dreams of making wooden handles through a local craftsmen because I do rather hate the ergonomics of pulling out these drawers but kinda ran out of money and inclination.  Sometimes when you try to class up IKEA too much it's like putting lipstick on a Swedish pig.  

Maybe small leather pulls?  I'll probably get around to doing that when I hem the curtains... 

Hey remember when I tried to get a vintage lamp fixed but could never get to the lighting store because they kept Christian hours?  Well that still is true.  I found this navy one at a discount store cuz I thought it would coordinate and balance the dark green wall.  I then took it to Target to get a shade only to realize it was actually a Target lamp.  Which I apparently got for about $7 cheaper at the discount store.  Obviously my bargain hunting skills are unprecedented.

The mirror came from my mom's basement and included some angel stickers I had to scrape off.  Guess that means I'm no longer blessed when I look in the mirror.  EXCEPT BY MY OWN STUNNING VISAGE.

The horns I found at an estate sale for cheap.  Those are always the best places for weird shit because the usual demographic steers clear of dead things.  I always get a few "ew" remarks when I'm in line.  Well, look at them now, judgey grandmas!  It's great to stand at the mirror and feel like you're playing a game of chicken with a dead animal.

Besides, the horns are slightly lopsided in the exact way my boobs are so it was meant to be.  A friendly reminder from Jeebus every morning that I'm special (or that my deformed corpse might be hung on someone's wall over cheap furniture when I'm dead?).

Um... here is a collection of things.  That's about it.  Trying to not clutter up my dresser top too much because I'm a clutter lover by nature. 

This succulent is an Ox Tongue - a low light plant that's lasted six months so far so I'd say it's a survivor.

Over here we have a Jade snake plant and a pothos variety called N' joy (I think).  Fun fact: that's also the name of a line of sex toys which called for much smirking when I bought it from the hippies at the market.   Both also going strong.  The plants not the sex toys.

I tried a Calathea but it didn't fare so well.  RIP, little jungle guy.  You were loved for your brief stay here at the Ranch.

The big white rectangle is actually, well, it IS a big white rectangle but it's really there as a 'study of texture.'  *makes gagging noise at myself*

It was actually a shirt that I accidentally ripped open one day while trying to walk through my front door (I swear I wasn't drunk).  I really liked the fat embroidery so I cut out the center medallion and added some decorative trim at the top and bottom from the sleeves and taped it all together with duct tape.  Why am I not a Pinterest superstar?

As "art" it's about as interesting as a bowl of milky rice covered in zzzzzzz but it fills the space without distracting me from staring at my own GLORIOUS VISAGE when I'm looking in the mirror playing chicken with the horn god.

My fave necklace needed a special place for display and easy access.  

Overall I'm fairly pleased with how the room feels right now.  It ain't winning any awards but it's surprisingly close to my mood board.  Most importantly it's very peaceful and quiet which is what I wanted most.  It's not 100% where I'd like it - maybe a new lamp, more emerald and green accents, different art, FUR EVERYWHERE - but everything is always in progress and those things can happen organically later.  

Sometimes I just get tired of spending money on a project and want to move on.  Besides, Christmas is practically tomorrow and I have ten jizzillion other projects to tackle.

And by tackle I mean 'glitter.'  

I... made some collages of details.  Can't decide if that's narcissistic or just being a Virgo.  Besides, it never hurts to give Mr. Moroccan pillow some additional time in the spotlight.  Nightstand is BM's Collinwood if you remember.

Really I just wanted my little piece of amethyst to get some special time in the light.

Mostly-dead air plant did NOT get his time in the spotlight for obvious, mostly-dead reasons.

And although keeping a simple room means I tend to keep it cleaner, my nightstand does look like this fairly often:

Just keeping it real with y'all.

And I'm not exactly sure about the overall cost of everything but I think the total was about $800.  That seems like a lot of money considering what we just looked at but it includes all the paint for the walls and nightstand, two dressers and glass top, all new curtains and hardware, the rug, two lamps, a bedskirt, two new shams and bed pillows (it was time), the hamper and the DIY headboard.  Everything else I already had or was repurposed from things I already had.

Actually now that I list it all that seems like a lot for a little, yes?  

Just imagine what I could have done with A THOUSAND DOLLARS!  

Stay tuned in 2017 when I finally get my hallway painted the same shade of carnivorous green!  Just in time to change my bedroom color...

Sweet dreams.

Nothing a little wood filler and tender sanding can't fix.

I'm taking a gardening break to talk bedroom talk.  Bow chicka wah waahhh wahh...  That sounds way sexier than it is.  Unless you're reaaally into MALM and based on tv shows I've seen on TLC it could happen.  I don't judge.  So since it's been a hot minute let's catch up on all the non-happenings in my bedroom.

Wait...

Ok first off I got a rug.

This is a whole lot of things people call PATTERN and COLOR but it's a nice change.  I'm still adjusting but it was a cheap find at a local place so let's roll with it for a while.

Dressers are finally together and beginning to be junked up on top as the good lord intended flat surfaces to be.  I went with two 4-drawer options side-by-side because have you ever actually looked at the regular 6 drawer dresser?  It's 30" tall.  That's about two inches taller than my nightstand and hits right above my knee.  THAT IS NOT A DRESSER THAT IS A BENCH.

If I wear heels I could use it as a chair.  Apparently Swedish people are actually the size of their meatballs.

In other Swedish news, I've got most of the curtains up after going Full Monty for over a month.  I don't think anyone could see me since my windows are fairly hidden and since I don't have a court date or actual date I think I was safe.

Can I just say how utterly fantastic it is that IKE-Rah now has white curtain rods?!  I don't know when this happened but IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE and has been my dream for many years.  

Unfortunately, hanging a new curtain rod takes HOURS for me because my walls are made of plaster/concrete/diamonds and drilling holes in them in miserable and makes me want to cry.

And if anyone did peep through my curtainless windows for the past month maybe they cried too.  Sorry, neighbors.  It was a very tragic time in the neighborhood for us all.

I bought a double rod so I can use sheers and then dummy panels on the sides but I haven't gotten that far yet.  I used sheers I already had in an attempt to save money but forgot I cut them shorter at one point...

GAWDDAMMIT.  Back to the Swedish land of tiny dressers and lingonberries to get some other options.

Since I was moving a lot of clothes to my new dressers I figured it was a good time to clean out my closet.  That's where most of my time pre-gardening was spent in case you were wondering (you weren't).  It's a thankless and unsexy job but my soul feels lighter and I've found Charlemagne's secret nap hole.  The 1/2 inch layer of fur on an old hat clued me in.

Still so much work to do...  I have a secret fetish for organized closet porn so we'll get to that later on.

I'm going to DIY an upholstered headboard (do people still even do that shit?) and have been to every thrift store in the tri-state area.  I HAVE A JOYLESS HOBBY.  Finally found this winner at the Salvation Army.

It was $5 so I think I could splurge for it.  I'm going to attach a piece of plywood/whatever to the back to make it square.  The internet says making headboards is easy and they are never wrong!

Now I just gotta pick a fabric.  AHHHH CHOICES!  At least if it's shade of beige if I totally fuck it up it won't matter that much.  Just kidding I'll want to take a concrete bath for eternity.

Headboard fabric also kinda depends on the shade of paint I pick for the nightstand which will be something taupe-y/greige-y.  I'm really goin' bold here.  But I kinda want my bedroom to look like greige angels nap there so the boring is on purpose.

However, Mr. $3 Nightstand has a few issues that we are currently addressing:

Nothing a little wood filler and tender sanding can't fix.

Story of my life.

I'm dragging my feet in a lot of areas because I have so many things that need to be done (in and out of the bedroom) that I can't focus and therefore nothing gets done except oooh let's have more wine and read this magazine and relandscape my yard. 

But the pollen plague has begun so I'll be forced to stay indoors in a hermetically sealed bubble so hopefully I can get some work done then.  

Stay healthy, y'all, and may tender sanding fix all that ails you.