Let's talk Tilda.

Some people follow Kim Kardashian and her perfect face contouring like a cult and then there's the rest of us.

The rest of us with our normal boneless cheeks and sagging jowls need an androgynous weirdo to worship.  *enter Tilda Swinton stage left riding a baby dragon and reading a newspaper*

Tilda's such a badass who gives less than zero fucks.  Negative fuckitude.  

Sometimes she sleeps in a glass box for ART.  I think she's an alien fairy that rides cyclones for fun.  

AND I heard that even though she's married she has a hot young boyfriend that travels with them on family vacations and shit.  *raises eyebrows*  I just KNOW there are strap-ons and crying involved.  (Maybe her boyfriend's name is Cyclone...?!)  I have a good sense about these things.  I'm really good at deciphering kinks.  

Well other than gay stuff and people with foot fetishes...  

And people into clown sex, infantilism, Furries.... ok pretty much I can only tell kinks that might possibly involve me and even then I'm like, "what am I supposed to do with lederhosen and a dozen jelly donuts but okay you bring the baby wipes."

I'm totally kidding.  

I of course already have baby wipes.

ANYhosen, when someone in my Tilda network of devotees sent me this link to her spread in May's W magazine I had a moment.

Gawd, I want to go to there so bad...

This is how I imagine I look like walking around my house.  DON'T YOU?  Imagine yourself, that is.  Don't imagine me cuz that's weird and creepy.

But then I had another moment because this place looked familiar to me and not just because of the hallucinations.  Turns out, the location for this shoot is something I blogged about several years ago!  I'm a trendsetter!

Long time readers may (probably not) remember Los Pazos in Mexico built by eccentric, surrealist weirdo Edward James.  Relive the magic (and nudity) here.  He already sounds just like Tilda.

Vintage picture of "Stairway to the Sky"

Some dude named Jacob K styled the shoot and probably read my blog and didn't credit me with giving him the great ideas but whatever.  It's cool.

Gowns work great in the jungle of weirdo love.  Good job, Jacob K.  

Here's Tilda contemplating weirdness (and what she's going to do to her young manfriend later tonight) in a different gown while in quantum flux.

This space is known as the "Cinema structure with the double staircase."  Looks so empty and lifeless without Tilda who I'm not even really sure is actually alive...

The top picture is from W and the bottom is a vintage photo of the entrance to Edward's living quarters.  I bet Tilda did something really artistic and/or perverted up in there.

But in a gown.

This could be Tilda's O face but she's most likely sending out a mating call to other aliens on our planet in a frequency us humans just can't hear.  

You may only approach Tilda if you've dipped your entire arm in a sterile vat of fairy piss before being coated in powdered Smurf clay.

It is physically impossible to complete a fashion editorial shoot without including an all white, albino alien look.  It cannot be done.  You can Snopes it.

I'm actually terrified of her now but really in love with her finger jewelry so I'm willing to overlook this.  Also, I'm trying to be nice so we can work out a timeshare for Los Pazos and maybe even her hot young boyfriend.

I'll bring the donuts and baby wipes if he can swipe a few gowns for me.