Hello darlin', take a peek at my new jewelry drawer!

Let's talk about something that's really important and will bring light into your cold, snowy life:  COSTUME JEWELRY ORGANIZATION!

As we talked about IN 2014 I wanted to organize my mess of jewelry in concordance with my bedroom redo.  It felt right.  I'm adulting one drawer at a time.  

So in true Virgo fashion I began a downward research spiral of all the jewelry organization systems on the market until I wanted to die and then made an impulse decision.

Behold the Ampersand jewelry trays from - wait for it - Bed Bath and Beyond!  I feel so solidly Middle Class!  My 401k immediately gained 3%.  I don't think I've bought anything from BB&B in years but here we are, trying to avoid that one weird dude in a blue apron and all the good candy at the front near the checkout.  

I didn't want something plastic and these looked relatively classy and functional for my needs.  They also needed to stack inside my Malm dresser which is another reason I bought two four-drawer dressers and not one six-drawer.  Swedish space.  It's the ultimate luxury.

Not only did I like BB&B's options best I even signed up for their text alerts to get the 20% off coupon so I could get everything on sale.  I drank the Kool-Aid.  Or more specifically I inhaled that poisonous parfum they pump through their vents.  

I would get a text every few weeks and then head over and add another piece.  It took awhile but I'm not made of money.  I'm made of Cubic Zirconia and bracelets that turn my arm a little green!

The reason I went with this line was because of my bangle collection.  I have a few and if I laid them all down in their own individual compartments I'd need another Malm dresser.  So they needed to stand up like the architecture of jewelry that they are.

This collection had a good deep tray where I could stand everything up and still be able to close my dresser drawer.  [MS sidebar:  when I went to link to the products at BB&B's website I couldn't find this large three-compartment tray so maybe it's only in stores now?  I'm sorry.  That's my luck.]  

But my current setup fits perfectly in my drawer and getting ready is infinitely easier.  I'm like a real adult!

I think I could fit some smaller trays here on the right but for now it's fine with some travel jewelry bags, my sunglasses (all the cool people include them with their jewelry) and a giant bowl of pearls.  I wear them only when I'm feeling extra French vintage soooo... that one Halloween party from 2003.  

I feel like I have a lot of rings but apparently all my new rings (post 2003) have big thick bands and so they don't actually fit in the ring organizer part.  Well, damn.  But I needed those big squares so we had to make a sacrifice.

the basement level contains an even more random assortment of vintage jewelry finds and a real (?) Tiffany box.  Anytime I get too big for my britches I look at the Mr. T chain I got at Goodwill next to it and feel at home once again.

I would like to add more trays for all my earrings because although I aesthetically like looking at this mess of metal I can't actually find shit in here.  Except for my Conway Twitty pin on the middle left.  Best $3 purchase I ever made.

I have one deep tray that's half full on the bottom and is waiting for my Mema's vintage brooch collection as soon as I remember where it is...  

The weird thing is that I felt like I had TONS of jewelry but since it's been organized I feel like it's less than I thought.  So that means I should buy MOAR JEWELRY.

I wish I had this kind of jewelry horde:

Sadly, this seems to be all the way in Texas.

Like an embarrassment of fake riches but in neat orderly boxes.  What a perfect metaphor for my life.

All in all I think I spent about $80 total which was spread out over the course of a couple of months so that's not too bad.

Not only am I an organized and sparkly adult, I'm a financially responsible one!

I bet Conway Twitty liked that kind of woman.

After spending twenty minutes going through Conway Twitty pics and songs I suddenly remembered that my Mema - the same one with lots of costume jewelry I've momentarily replaced - also loved Conway Twitty!  It must be genetic.

This post wrapped up in surprisingly delightful and nostalgic ways!

And if you don't think Slow Hand is the best sexiest song ever then I can't help you.

Happy Belated Valentine's Day with that one.

Everyone else in the country wants to be tied up right now and I'm lusting after the lyrics of old country songs.  

Okay so I DID watch Secretary twice this past weekend because James Spader is JAMES FUCKING SPADER so I'm not afraid of non-vanilla things.  

Sometimes I just prefer things in nicely-lined, imitation-suede boxes.

This post has now gone further down the spiral so I'll stop talking before I drag Trent Reznor into this mess.

Babes with shields. (And a few hot shirtless dudes.)

Snowed in this winter?  Bored with your miserable life?  Seeing Rand Paul shushing a woman makes your face erupt into flames?  Well have I got the solution for you, friends!  It involves spending all your free time on the couch/heaven watching badass women do badass things.  

I seem to have hit a run of great shows involving women doing amazing things like The Fall, The Honourable Woman, Bletchley Circle and Happy Valley.  All BBC shows with great female leads while Viola Davis is over here holding up the entirety of America.

[MS sidebar: I'm not sure why every show about women has to feature the brutal imprisonment, torture and raping of women but it does so take heed and maybe spread these shows apart in viewing.]

And although this show doesn't technically have a woman lead, I've become obsessed with the History Channel's Vikings.  Like, I watched the entire series - two seasons - TWICE over the holidays and through January.  Back to back.  Like a psychopath.

I thought it would be a poor man's Game of Thrones with the production value of Sharknado and I was proved wrong.  It has an actual plot, is beautiful to watch, full of good music and ancient magic AND I done learned some things.  Thanks, History Channel! 

I'm not gonna lie, this helped:

And this:

As well as Alexander Skarsgard's less conventionally-attractive but exponentially more talented brother:

I personally think he's the more attractive one but I'm a weirdo.

But a whole helluva lot of love for the show is because of this woman:

This is Lagertha (read like LAGertha not laGERtha which is how this hillbillly would have said it).  She's based on a real woman and is married to Ragnar (the lead, also a historical figure) on the show.  Lagertha is special because she's a shieldmaiden and will destroy you in battle.  I just love the word 'shieldmaiden.'  

Shieldmaiden.

What's nice about the Vikings is that women could be warriors and hold positions of power and divorce their husbands and have some semblance of equality.  Well, as compared to other historical times.  Utopia this was not.  But you can feel pretty comfortable watching this show.

I mean, careful of the intense bloodlust and battle scenes.

And you don't need to have watched the show to appreciate this appreciation post.  Just enjoy the aesthetic details and communal celebration of women kicking ass and taking hard-to-pronounce names.  

And celebrate monumental braidwerk.

Braids on fleek, said the old white lady.

I mean shit gawddamn.  Take a moment to marvel at the neckline here.  I wish Target would have a line of Lagertha-inspired clothing.  If Olivia Pope can make it to the masses then I think we need a Viking line.

Gladiator, indeed.  

Can ANYONE rock a dead animal and a murderous glare quite as effectively?  I think not.  

And this bad bitch knows it.

But she has a soft side and an appreciation for white kittehs so I feel maybe we are kindred spirits.

Just a warrior angel, chillin' in some Norse finery and a braided fauxhawk.  

Fun fact: the actress that plays Lagertha, Katheryn Winnick, is a third degree Black Belt in Tae Kwan Do, a second degree Black Belt in Karate as well as being a licensed bodyguard.  

I groaned when I picked up the laundry basket earlier...

That is an accomplishment in itself - the extensive martial arts training not my feat of strength - but my pet peeve is watching a woman in an action role with absolutely nothing but a pretty face and an uncomfortable lack of coordination and body awareness.

This is not one of those actors.

I also appreciate the fact that she wears real armor and battle gear and not the metal corset courtesy of Victoria's War Secret that many female fighters end up wearing.  Don't forget to look super sexy while you're decapitating someone, ladies!  

Legend (Wikipedia) says that the real Lagertha fought just like a man with only her hair giving away her gender.

I kinda wish there was a Brienne of Tarth and Lagertha crossover moment.  They would make a vicious blonde duo.

I hate the concept of 'penis envy' but that sword is definitely a dick in this gif.

Back-up bitches.

And lest I linger to long on my lesbian crush this talented ladyperson, there are plenty of other fine ladies on the show too for your enjoyment too.  But shieldmaiden, y'all.

I'm gushing about all this right now because the third season starts SOON on February 19th and that gives you plenty of time to binge watch the first two seasons!  You have over TWO WEEKS! 

Season three doesn't seem to disappoint because we have more braids and dope weaving:

Can I say dope?  I can't think of another word that expresses my appreciation and awe.

There's just a lot more costuming wonderment in general.  I think this is a combination of a crushed velvet and leather lattice cape, vest made of the skins of weak Englishmen and some statement jewelry.  What's not to love?!

The History Channel appears to have its own tumblr (??) dedicated to Vikings and they posted this A++ video (sorry, can't embed) to recap the show.  The whole video message is "HOT SHIRTLESS DUDES.  BABES WITH SHIELDS."  How could you not respect that?

So even though I've fallen down the rabbit hole of historical tv (HAHA JK I live there already) lately with my Outlander appreciation, I still think y'all would really dig this show.  You can watch it on Amazon, Hulu or just History.com where you can watch them all for free (no cable subscription required). [Update: it's apparently only the second season on History.com - sorry!]

And if you think I might be a fan, please take note of this:

From Katheryn Winnick's Instagram

Well at least it trumps a Tweety Bird tattoo.

All pictures gathered from my internet adventures on History's website and blog and tumblrs like vikings-shieldmaidens.  Sorry, I didn't really plan for this post to happen so... 

Knitwear for a horny 18th century bird.

As promised, I'm giving us an image dump of Outlander knits after yesterday's bucket list.  I feel warmer just compiling these images.  And I hope y'all have seen the show because it's rull good and I've been waiting about 20 years for it.  That is not an exaggeration I started reading these books in the 90s.  

The unexpected star of the show is of course the sex knitwear.  Now, I don't foresee me learning to crochet or knit this winter - it's a bucket list not a fantasy list - but I DO foresee me wearing lots of infinity scarves JUST like 18th century Scots did in a totes historically accurate fashion.  

here

I mean, did they even have infinity scarves?  I don't really know or care.

Look at Geillis' felted knit cape thingy too... here

They also seem to have infinity cowls made of fur...

here

I mean, damn.  And WITH wrist warmers?  It's too much.  

here

 Wrist warmers and a cape must only be worn astride a horse.  It's Scottish law.  Or Anthropologie's new catalog.  Either way they can have all my money.

here

 And you thought you were over the plaid this year... tsk, tsk...  

I strongly recommend fellow enthusiasts check out the blog of the costume designer, Terry Dresbach, for behind-the-scenes info and process details.  The accompanying forums are really good for more in depth information and fun discussions on things like feminism in the series and how the show got started (Terry is wife to Ron Moore - the show's producer of Battlestar Galactica fame).

But back to important things: LAYERING AND KNITWEAR.

here

I feel like this actress, Caitriona Balfe, is actually an elegant swan wearing delicate doll sweaters around her dainty avian wrists.  Somehow I get the feeling I'd look like a fat quail in sweatbands.

Maybe THAT'S my winter look.  Quail normcore.

Sadly google did not have a corresponding picture to put with this but I did find a sassy shrug.

here

Brown never looked so good.

UNTIL YOU SEE MY QUAIL NORMCORE OUTFIT.

here

Naturally I'm not the only one who went gaga over the clothes and knits because a quick search will pop up tons of articles which is the reason why this became its own post.  I couldn't stop!  

But the real winner here is etsy where you can get patterns to do yourself or take the lazy way out like a normal person and buy other people's hard work.  Find the chunky cowl/infinity scarf here, the arm warmers here, the cute collared capelet here, the shrug here and a million other variations and sellers.

Etsy wasn't much help for the great fur-lined riding jacket here but I think fur is enough places this year that you should be fine.

here

Or you could always update it a little like this jazzy lady:

Vogue Sept 2014 here

I like the Outlander-meets-Studio 54 vibe.  Let's all take a moment and imagine Fat Quail in Sad Disco for a second.

So glorious...

And if knitwear isn't enough to make you happy there's always this:

"Haha those sweatbands are delightful, Sassenach."

"I'm feeling chilled can I borrow your infinity scarf?"

"Damn girl your woolen shrug got me jacked let's do this."

Show returns in April.  How many orgasms knits can you fill your life with between now and then?

The purge before the coming glitter storm.

So I don't know about y'all but I spent the last four days watching Misfits and balls deep in, well, Christmas glitter balls.  I put the entire autumnal smorgasbord - pumpkin, potatoes, turducken - in my body within the span of 24 hours.  I need to do some purging of body and brain.

But first, I made the previously mentioned butternut squash mac and cheese for my orphan Thanksgiving offering and didn't make anyone cry so I say it's a win!  If you're like me and think butternut squash ravioli is transcendent but wish there was more of the good shit but on the OUTSIDE then this is for you. Good for breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, dinner, fourth meal and all manner of Misfits-induced binge eating in between.

I used a combination of this recipe and this one but threw in some sage and probably some other things that I can't remember... Topped it with some homemade fried onions and bacon and I think some cheese... I'm not good with following recipes because I DO WHAT I WANT but I strongly encourage you to try it.  I could talk about butternut squash all day long but I'll spare you.

Showering was optional during my 4 day hermit-age and my thirty-something skin is pretty pissed about it.  My hair was starting to take on a sociopath hipster look which wasn't that bad because this is the look I'm aiming for this winter:

Uma Wang

Like a gothic ice princess.  In a really badass poncho.

In keeping with the gothic ice princess of doom theme, I'm getting rid of a lot of color in my house.  It's just too overwhelming, she says as she's stares at a blank white wall in a white room with a white cat.  

BUT I had a special moment with this tobacco brown headboard and pale blush pillows recently:

Emily Henderson for Cup of Jo

The rest really is overwhelming to me but since I'm embracing my pinkitude this year I thought it was noteworthy.

And I'm assuming when y'all weren't staring at the business end of a dangerously overflowing plate of food you had your eyes focused on this:

here

I thoroughly loved Catching Fire despite all lack of vaginal feels regarding Peeta but does anyone else get as excited about the cornucopia as I do?  

Catching Fire here

It's like the set designer wanted to make something that appeared deadly and modern and just threw some shit together but, I don't know, it works for me.

OG Hunger Games cornucopia here

I think I gasp every time it's on screen.  But we all know that I love some weirdly modern dystopian shit in the middle of a field...

Yugoslavian monuments from a loooong time ago...

*cough*

Perhaps buoyed by concrete and bleakness, wanting to pare down at home goes hand in hand with getting rid of color.  The occupational hazard of being a design blogger is buying shit.  Lots of shit.  The Ranch is like a circus of objets d'art.  Objets d'art from the junk store.

here

So I've been salivating at some minimal interiors a lot lately.  It's like the softer side of gothic ice princess.

I could do some color like this but I'm mostly loving the lack of frivolity.

OOOH LOOK AT THIS FRIVOLOUS THING I WANT THIS SO DAMN BAD!!!

via Jaga Design

Do you see my problem?  The problem with THINGS not the problem with snakes.  They're adorable.  Know what else is adorable?  Salvador Dali's flatware:

here

You need to enlarge it then feast your eyeballs on it.  It's so fucking good you'll beg for someone to carve your heart out with one of those delightful spoons.

But when I can't buy surrealist utensils I just go straight to a store and buy some replacement things to fill the hole in my heart that is NOT from it being carved out by a sweet spoon.  Just the hole caused by life and blogging.  Sigh...

I can't resist some wooden tchotchkes... things to keep you fidgeters happy... hand nom noms... whatever you want to call them.  In this case these are wooden puzzles I found on the cheap and they're really turning my crank.  I want to awkwardly hug them.

Look - POOR DRAMATIC LIGHTING.  We'll see if I keep them all or exchange them for Christmas gifts that I should have been buying.  Sorry, family and my constant burning desire for a minimal house.

In related news, remember that table that I bought that sat empty for a long time because of my back and fear of commitment regarding styling?  Well I got about halfway through playing around and realized that it's in the spot where my Christmas tree is going so I decided to watch more Misfits instead.

I'll probably add some wooden hand nom noms after the holiday but for now it's a string of pearls succulent (that's still alive!) and some rocks and shit.

There's also a bowl of more thingies to fidget with including some worry wood (is this a Southern thing or just a Lacy thing?) and a vajra.  In general, I hate appropriating items from other religions but it's shiny and I like to fidget so it seemed fitting.

Doesn't matter.  There's currently a Christmas tree standing where all this stuff is and I'm sure it'll look completely different come January.

Thanksgiving is dead to me now (except for the butternut squash mac and cheese I'm probably gonna make again next week) and I'm all about glitter and the baby jeezus now.

Know what I want under my tree this year?  The ability to stop buying shit and this:

My fake boyfriend Joseph Gilgun

Misfits has the prettiest people that really know how to style a jumpsuit.  I'm probably the only one who likes this one (especially after seeing Lockout) but I can't help it.  

I'm drawn to weirdo sociopaths (maybe they'll like my new hair) and trinkets.

And butternut squash.