Friday, April 16, 2010

A chandelier of rainbow carnage.

Many of my internet adventures usually begin with alcohol whether it’s in a glass while I surf or searching for local AA groups drink-related fun times and recipes. That's really how this blog started - I was looking for a pineapple martini recipe and then BAM! ModernSauce. My favorite thing is finding new ways to incorporate/hide booze into regular foods. It makes it less awkward for everyone when I want to get drunk at work.

So you can imagine my joy when I discovered that I can now combine two of my favorite things: alcohol and gelatin candies made of high fructose corn syrup. That's right: vodka soaked gummi bears!  Incredibly complex recipe follows:
You guys look thirsty!

1. Get bowl. Or bucket. Or old boot. I mean there's gonna be alcohol in it so it'll kill all the dirt. (MS note: The gays get all snobby when you serve food out of footwear but straight people don’t give a shit.)

2. Fill with desired amount of gummi candies. Sadly Sour Patch Kids don't work. I totally tried it.

3. Pour Citron to cover all the gummies, cover and put in fridge.

4. Wait 5-6 days until gummies have deliciously puffed up by absorbing all the booze.

5. Eat your way to alcohol poisoning!! (FYI they will totally melt if you leave them in your pocket. Don’t ask me how I know this.)

This is totally a real recipe and has made me “Queen” of the Gayborhood! Well, the kind of queen with a real vagina.

Needless to say when I saw this I squeed a little:
It's a weird-ass light fixture made of acrylic gummi bears that looks like Willy Wonka jizzed on some light bulbs OR the inspiration behind the greatest party decoration EVAR!!!! Think about it - just thread a thousand or so drunk bears on some string, hang from ceiling and enjoy! Your guests can just walk by when they need a little social lubrication and bite off a bear just like the alcoholic version of a candy necklace. And there's no messy cleanup!! Maybe you could even tie them on with floss so guests could just grab a piece on their way out because flossing is always good and I care about my guests’ dental hygiene.

Hey Madame Sunday, how do you attach all those strings to the ceiling? Fuck, I don't know. I've been eating mommy's favorite gummi bears all night. You figure it out party engineer!!  I’d probably tie about 3 bears and then say fuck it and dump them in a bowl and have a “bobbing for bears” contest. The winner? Your liver.

I would be remiss in posting about gummi bears and not include their big screen appearance in Hedwig and the Angry Inch. (clip is slightly NSFW for bare assness)

It's almost time for my morning gummi bear snack here at work so I'll just leave you here to enjoy.   
You better watch this because I had to sign up for a youtube account to be able to embed this!

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