Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Appliance Park, 90210

So while y'all were busy last week trying to figure out who has the crazier eyebrows - Casey Anthony or Nancy Grace - the Madame was off doing glamorous things in Louisville because I'm a blogger and this is just what we do when we're not bingeing at home in our pajamas.  We binge in groups.  In public.  Possibly still in our pajamas.
Picture of the GE entrance which I totally stole from MEC alum Kitchen Clarity
Louisville, Kentucky is the home of hipsters with Southern accents, bourbon, horsies, something having to do with some sport I don't watch and the GE Monogram Experience Center.  Their appliance park is on campus that has its own zip code (sadly, it's not actually 90210) and restricted air space if that lets you know what kind of high level Madame you're dealing with now.  In keeping with my new classy status I didn't introduce myself with my *middle fingers pointing towards my crotch* so I don't think anyone knew who I was at first...

Two dozen designer and bloggers spent a few days learning about the Monogram appliances and were lucky enough to cook our meals on them in the test kitchens.  I just like saying 'test kitchen' because it makes me sound like a scientist of food awesomeness.

Magic happened here.  It tasted salty.
Of course, having several badass chef dudes there helping us cook our breakfast, lunch and dinner probably helped the end result but I can't confirm this.  I can confirm that the chefs' website has more flava than the scrumtrulescent local bacon I devoured while I was there and that's saying a lot.  Pork, yo.

for recipes we cooked and other goodness
There was enough stainless steel and good food to kill a lesser crowd but not a crowd of bloggers (see note above about bingeing).  It's 10 AM and we just talked about dishwashers so let's EAT SOME STEAK!!!!  Oh okay, I'm not even hungry but what the hell!  

Now it's elevensies and time for some pizza!  *om nom nom*

Omigawd I can't feel my face anymore...  

Do you want some cobbler?!  Um, I didn't say I couldn't feel my stomach so GET IN MAH BELLY!!  Just go ahead and sprinkle some more steak on top of that too, kthanxbye.

Not even a tornado could stop our fabulosity (it might have tried to pick me up but I was so full it probably was unsuccessful).  Seriously, there was a tornado our last night because natural disasters seem to follow me.  Sucks to be you, next-place-that-Expedia-emails-me-that-is-super-cheap.   

But it wasn't all salty hotness and dinner good enough to make you cry tears of curry sauce, I did manage to fill my brain with some goodies too.  One of my appliance porn highlights was the Advantium oven:
Initially I was unsure and eyeroll-y because I thought it cooked food like a convection oven but with the added benefit of microwaves, a tiny open fire pit, Superman's laser eyes and high-powered lights from my old EZ Bake Oven and I don't want your wizard magic near my food, GE!!  But since I've caught myself at least three times since I've been home thinking about how I could have used it for something I think we know who the real wizards are: people that can brown chicken in a Speedcook Superman microwave fire pit EZ Bake oven.

Highlight numero dos was the fully integrated refrigeration system (yes, we call it 'system' now) probably because my current 'refrigeration system' looks like this and theirs looks like this
yeah, those are fridges...
and it's like they were taunting me.  Am I in a fancy library closet or is there cheese in there because it's just so damn sexy I can't tell...???!

oh hai yummy things
I'm not sure if I'm allowed to have glass doors on my 'refrigeration system' because I can barely trust myself to put away my socks in the correct drawer let alone organize my all locally harvested organic produce (and jars of glitternaise) in a pleasing way so I might opt for the solid door.  Your call.

In addition to the appliance goodness, I was also excited to hear about the design process regarding each product category.  As someone who works as a designer in manufacturing I'm always interested in how other companies problem solve. I very much appreciated GE's willingness to share their process and was impressed with the thoughtfulness regarding their designs and their ability to, you know, actually follow through with them for their customers.  This is harder than it seems...  Having a facility like this at your disposal probably helps.  I need to get some 'test kitchens' for the ModSauce Ranch for further adventures in fabulosity rendering...  Glitternaise doesn't bottle itself, y'all.

So, many thanks to the generous folks at GE for their hospitality (MS sidebar: they did pay for this trip but they did not pay for this post which I'm thinking they might be grateful for...) and a special shout out to all the fine designers and bloggers I met who shared in "The Experience" as I now call it.  

I would dry hump you all but I'm a classy Madame now so just use your imagination.  


  1. It was such a blast hanging with the Madame for an extended period of time... Always fun!

    The bacon was pretty bombtastic, too.

  2. Sounds like a fantastic trip! Bloggers, great food, sexy appliances? Heaven, right?

  3. I'm all drooly now.

    A glass reefer door would make it more likely that one would remove all of the "expired" food one collects more frequently, no?

    Looks like it was awesome. I get "fluked by a humpie", and you get "titillated by a tornado" (?) I need to go to another seminar : )


  4. susie q - Absolutely! No complaints from me. ; )

    izzy - I would most likely have great anxiety if my food - expired or not - didn't display prettily in the window. Probably not enough anxiety to actually make me organize it neatly but... ; )

    It was especially titillating when they evacuated us to the hotel basement. Probably because there is an art museum and booze down there!

  5. I feel like any future posts I write on the subject will pale in comparison to this epic. You've captured the rapture of 24 hour bacon and roasted meat on demand so well I'm going into a protein induced coma as I type.

    Meeting you was almost too awesome to bare. Until next time MS.

  6. Ooh honey I think your comment is better than my post: "captured the rapture?" I'm totally stealing that. ; )

    And thank you - I'm thrilled beyond measure that I got to meet you and everyone. There MUST be a repeat performance soon!

    mmmhhh protein...

  7. "Appliance Porn" - I am stealing that ;)

    Great Summary of our time at GE

    Thrilled that you are just as witty & sweet in person!

  8. See, gay marriage and the rapture did both happen last week! I am with you on the clear frig door (half-used cans of cat food don't display well) and wondering about the Advantium...will it make me happier and thinner with bouncing shiny hair? Should I splurge?

  9. Madame,
    I am forever changed after spending a few days basking in your fabulosity. The etherel glow that envelopes you is amazing. I do have a feeling that the presence of Nick, you and I may have conjured up that tornado, but, look how much fun Arne got out of the experience. We Southerners do like to treat the visitors right.

    We do need a repeat some time in the near future. Do you think we could entice Chefs Joe & Brian to come cook for the next time, too?


  10. SpatialAdapt - such a pleasure to meet you! I hope you got some big hugs when you got home. ; )

    Kim - The Advantium will probably make you fatter which is both happier and saddier depending on how much you like meat... Most designers there said they used the Advantium in conjunction with another oven but a few said they installed them alone in small condos/beach houses, etc. I think it depends on how you cook and the space you have available. But if I needed a second oven I would absolutely get rid of the microwave in exchange for one if I could afford it.

    Brenda - ooh lawd! Y'all are so nice and I didn't even have to pay you to say all that! ; ) So good to meet you, too! I would imagine having such intense forces of nature all together in one spot made Mother Nature jealous and so she had to show off too.

    Maybe we could get the chefs on one of the few weeks they're NOT shoving delicious steaks down people's throats!

  11. At the risk of losing your friendship forever, I confess that I am a pescetarian--I eat fish and dairy and eggs, but no red meat or poultry and definitely no pork! *hangs head in shame* No bacon in my life for about 20 years now.

  12. That was so much fun I'm going to scroll back up and read it again.

    And now after meeting you, I read your posts and hear your voice.

    "Glitternaise, y'all!"

  13. Kim - ahahaha! Well then it depends on how much you like baked potatoes and roasted veggies and biscuits and how much fish you can cook in there at one time! There is no shame in ever reveling in your pescatarianness! Hope my future pork rants aren't too gross for you. ; )

    Raina - What a compliment! I love you more than a fully integrated refrigeration system. Denver 2011... ; )

  14. Damn it, you got to meet Raina, and Raina got to meet you!! Jealous.

    Now onto appliances, we just bought what we thought were expensive appliances from The Home Depot for our new kitchen remodel and almost fainted at the price tag. I can only image these beauties price tag.

    I'm not worthy!

    I'm not worthy!

  15. I have no idea what most of these cost because I'm right there with you at HD - I'm not worthy of these things either! But it was nice to peek at what fancy people buy for a change. ; )

  16. All those people got to meet you and I'm still here staring at a blond cartoon! Sucks to be me. BTW, did you ever see the clip from some cheesy cult movie where Christopher Meloni dry humps the fridge? Wet Hot American Summer. You should get together with him!

  17. That's what I keep telling him in my letters I write every week but the police keep saying I should stay 500 yds away. Assholes. And if Christopher Meloni is involved it would definitely be wet humping... just sayin.

  18. You are friggin great Madame! Loved meeting you and your sauciness...Now I just need to bottle some up and take it home:) That sounded dirty..ha Look forward to next time!

  19. Oooh honey we like dirty around here! But only in appropriate levels of course... ; ) Thank you so much for your kind words - I had a blast meeting you too!

    I need to start some kind of sauce bottling venture so I can make some money. Hhhmmm... or at least tshirts or something!

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