All I have is a ceramic cat, a lot of costume jewelry and time.

After last week's call for color and pattern I realized I have no idea how to actually incorporate a lion-killing warrior princess vibe into a room.  Some things are better left on the internet.  But then I found this apartment and figured I could settle for a little addition of color and some subtle - *gulp* - uh... "tribal" influences.  Don't worry - I just punched my left lady ball for that.  But still, look!

Well, helloooo blanket.  I don't care if there is a touch of Honeysuckit pank in there I still squeed a bit when I saw this room.   And I'm not sure why that stool is just floating in the middle of the damn floor...?  Stylist fail or is this actually a bedroom-slash-obstacle course?  I did NOT sign up for the new series Design Star Internet Celebrity Amazing Race, y'all!  I just want to lay in that bed and have beautifully serene (and hopefully filthy) dreams!  I'll probably have serene (and hopefully filthy dreams) about this bedroom tonight because I would punch my right lady ball to live there.  The right one is obviously the extra sensitive one in this fake lady ball scenario.

Ok maybe I can avoid violence and just make the Ranch look like this.  It's not mind-blowingly fuckawesome interior design of the century but it seems attainable to me and that's what we like around here - the Sunday side of life.  This place is 600 square feet and my house is more than three times the size of it so that means like 5 times the fabulosity!  Math is not my strong point.  Neither is Amazing Race Design Star challenges.  I already have white painted brick and somewhere I have black floor tile!  I know I can find a stool like that at a thrift store around here...  Books and magazines to excess?  CHECK.  Omigawd I think I already live here.  Or at least in this place's ugly inbred cousin house.

Ok so I think this just turned into the black, white and brown places I was just complaining about...  But I still like it and would still punch somebody somewhere to live here.  Kuba cloth pillows make it jazzy though, right?!  Or is it Wisteria from two years ago?  I don't care, it's still about five years ahead of my house.

Flowers and wine?  DONE.

Here's the super cute owner/designer with her jazzy haircut doing exciting designy things (as evidenced by the tilted photo) or whatever it is she's doing (reading this blog?!) while barefoot.  Jealous.  Oh wait - that IS what I do.  And I do it barefoot too.  We're like soul sisters.  I dig the stainless steel desk-slash-kitchen table-slash-autopsy table combo unit and I'm pretending to avoid the white, black and grey color scheme for the sake of this discussion...

Welcome back blanket!! I guess when your apartment is only 600 square feet having only one colorful piece really goes a long way.  I'm also liking the rest of the bedroom area even though it's very grey...  I think the glass inserts in the doors are smart as hell for this space.  

I have a table that's pretty similar to that console too.  Hhhmmm.... this apartment is becoming increasingly attainable!  Three cheers for the cable cord that's just laying on the floor too.  THIS IS REAL WORLD Y'ALL!  I'm in lesbian love with this lady.  She can tie me up with the cable cord, I don't care.

Aw hell.  Ok the patio kicks my patio's ass.  Maybe I have a long way to go for attainable.  However, if this were the ModSauce Ranch's fantasy patio I would probably toss one or twelve pillows covered in wax prints fabrics on that custom couch thing but maybe that's just me.  I might also add some chili pepper string lights for a bit of sophisticated fun.

Ok you can put the feet away now.

Look how staged yet still classy this is.  Just a fun lady enjoying some wine and a shelter magazine and THIS IS TOTALLY ME.  I think this entire place is simple, accessible and more importantly *I* could duplicate this look and live happily ever after.

Until I remember that I usually prefer to be surrounded by a bit more idiocy as evidenced by the spontaneous mini Design and Styling challenge that happened at the Ranch again this weekend.  You can't stop it - it's a movement.  There was a party and I may or may not have crafted bedazzled sweatbands for some of the guests...

click to enlarge for maximum goodness

After knocking back a couple of beers in fancy Cupboards koozies, the kitteh decided to join in the fun and modeled one of my creations.  Based on the success of these feathered and rhinestoned headbands I think I will be able to start a new business that the drunks at the party named Headcase.  I can't lose!!  I'll be able to get a sassy haircut, practice fake lesbian bondage and be surrounded by coolness all day!

Maybe one day I'll even be able to afford my own jazzy colorful blanket or ANY kind of furniture for my patio.  

Any at all.  

I'm not even picky.  

Just something.  

In the meantime all I have is a ceramic cat, a lot of costume jewelry and time.

*If you happened to receive this post in email but a half-assed version of it, I apologize.  My fingers might have been cursed by a group of bumbling witches and hit 'publish' on accident before I was done squeeing about things.  My apologies but at least my face isn't rotting off so it could have been worse.