Thank gawd y'all are as weird as me! The Design Challenge Escapade winner is...

Squee!  The results are in from the First Annual (or whenever I want to have another one) ModSauce Design and Styling Challenge Escapade inspired by drunken Fourth of July playtime here at the Ranch. (Update: to refresh your memory or for new readers, the challenge was to take a common item - a piece of fruit - and "style" it like fancy people in magazines.  Except we're not fancy - we're crazy and have shitty cell phone cameras and houses full of weird junk.) I feel so inspired now to be the first street artist of merchandising - like Banksy and Martha Stewart had a saucy love child.  

Without further ado, here are all of your submitted entries of amazing awesomeness:

"Peter Piper Packed a Pretty Perky Pecker" submitted by Franco

A stunning submission indeed!  To quote the artist, this piece "features three types of peppers, Mexican wagon wheel snacks called duros, a ceramic bowl, and a lovely crochet doily hand-made by my grandmother. A mix of old world implements and geometric motifs come to life in shades of greens and orange against against the delicate white gossamer tendrils of the doily atop a stark wooden table. Also, I like peppers. The end. PECKER! PECKER! PECKER!"

I couldn't have said it better myself.  But are you sure you're not just trying to tell me your grandmother is hot?!  

And speaking of peckers...

"Come towel" submitted by D.

Ahhh... a delightful ode to summer.  Dynamic stripes are as bold as this scene's intent.  After noticing the copy of Men's Health with Bill Compton on the cover, one sees the towel is not so much a a wel-COME-ing sight as it is more likely for the happy ending just a few minutes away...  Is the watermelon for before or after??  

From fitness expert and cat voyeur, Alexandra Williams (@alexandrafunfit) of Fun and Fit

Speaking of other naughtiness, Mrs. A wrote: "Caught Ella making naughty with the fruit again! But at least she uses expensive soap for her personal hygiene!"  It must be the summer heat brings out the freak in us animals because that is definitely a guilty look on her face.  Make your own 'kitty cat' and a 'hot box' jokes - I'm way too classy for that. 

"My New Reality at 49: Breakfast"  by Ginny Powell (@GinnyPowell) from A Cracked Door

The body is a temple.  Or at least the amount of money we spend stuffing it with supplements could build one.  Or an apple a day and blah, blah, blah take another vitamin...   The appearance of the Life of an Architect mug in the background is just in case you need someone to build your temple I guess.

"I call this hump day" submitted by K.

I call it delicious.  Yes, maraschino cherries ARE a fruit just like how candy corn is a real vegetable.  I like the industrial black and white linear starkness of the air conditioner in contrast with the hippie paraphernalia; dueling personalities coexisting with a bold triangle of red at its heart.  I get a waft of patchouli, plastic-smelling frigid air, the sweet tang of candied fruit and personal journey.  I want to go reread Eat, Pray, Love right now.  Thanks for making me feel again, K.

"Goat with Key Limes and Avocado" by susie q (@susieeyeq) of Eye Spy

Susie said she channeled her "inner Hemingway and wanna-be Picasso to create my badass masterpiece."  I just want that goat to channel some guacamole into my stomach right now.  I like the spicy use of color and rustic tropical quality.  And nothing says authenticity like Ace Hardware.  That wasn't a joke - I love Ace Hardware and Susie wins points just for shopping there too.  Also extra points for the goat. 

"Plums & Cat Pot Faerie" by Slade Roberson (@sladeroberson) from Shift Your Spirits

The intense perspective brings you up close and personal with that cheeky little kitteh.  So ethereal - like a mystical window jungle for pussies in pots.  However, you lose points for spelling fairy like "faerie" because this is America, gawddamit, and I don't want your foreign British influence all up in this hizzy.  Teaparty, remember????!!!

Continuing with the mythical creatures theme is:

"A Centerpiece of Heaven" by Tammy J. Dalton (@tammyjdalton) of Tamara Dalton Design Studios

A wizard and a dragon battle for the rightful owner of Mangoshire at the center of this work table going unnoticed by the daily business of life around them.  That's pretty hard considering it's on a delightfully summery honeysuckit pink and neon orange tablecloth!  The life and death struggle hiding in plain site in front of the desensitized drones of our current world... tsk, tsk, tsk.   'Embrace your madness,' says the bottlecap, but I think that wizard and dragon just need to embrace.  They're both screaming 'NOTICE ME!  LOVE ME!' as we all are in our invisible battles every day.  *sob, sob, sob*

Extra points to Tammy for bringing the nerdiness.

"Me in a Nutshell" by Paul Anater (@Paul_Anater) of Kitchen and Residential Design

I'm going to let Paul tell you about this: "Let me explain what you see here. Starting in the back, the first item on the left is the Gold Bond powder I rely on to get through the summer in a hot climate. Next to it is a bottle of multi-vitamins because Madame Sunday told me to keep an eye on my vitamin D levels. [MS Sidebar: I did.  It's important, y'all.]  Next to the bottle of vitamins is a bottle of Mario Badescu enzymatic cleanser. That stuff erases the fact that I'm middle-aged. Really.

The level in front features an architect's rule because you never know when you going to have to scale a drawing. It's resting atop a peach. I like peaches almost as much I like mangoes. The peach is sitting in a demitasse and saucer set from my full service for eight in the 1950s era pattern Mediteranee from Mikasa. Next to my demitasse is a business card hawking my website and a deck of cards from the Venetian in Las Vegas. To the left of the demitasse is a tin of licorice pastilles I bought in Rome because I'm classy. In the foreground is a vintage netsuke that shows a dog having marital relations with a rabbit. That shows I'm classy too."

Marital relations...  *giggle*

I'm basically peeing in delight at the awesomeness of my readers.  But this next one is a real stunner and is my runner up (and will win a surprise present as soon as I find some more shit around my house to pack up): 

"The suffering" by Bri (@meyouandaweiner) of Me, you and a weiner

Bri takes my "let's keep it shitty" rules and, in true weiner style (and, I guess, MS style), gives it the middle finger and produces this stunning display of Kelly Wearstleressness.  It's exactly how I imagine K Dubs genitalia to look like: organic, brassy, gorgeously glam with a bedazzled butt plug, a complimentary color palette and a monkey that is either trying to escape or hang itself from a chain.  A suffering of blueberry, Hermez o-range and sparkle.  Well done, Bri.  Bonus points for shear fucking awesomeness but you lose points for being too fucking awesome.  Don't you know this is a blog of mediocrity?!

So the winner for me IS....

"untitled" by Alycia Wicker (@alyciawicker) of  E-decorating

This one just speaks to me.  Hello Kitty toys, Jeebus in an ashtray that says "Jesus hates it when you smoke" (except when you're burning in hell, of course) sitting next to a camera because he is ALWAYS WATCHING YOU like a soul stalker and a giant banana phallus proudly dominating this arrangment.  Who doesn't like a giant banana penis?!  A banenis.  AND the banana has boobs so it's like a transgender fruit and this blog is nothing if not trans positive, body positive, queer positive, jeezus positive and potassium-enriched yellow positive.  Then I was informed that the "boobs" were actually the caps that sit on dead people's eyes and I was all like "Awwww shit. Banenis boobs with zombie glasses!"  Instant win.  I like the freak in you Alycia.  Prepare yourself for the saucy bag of swag coming your way!

A seriously saucy thank you for everyone that submitted.  You made my year and let's face it, this year was pretty much headed straight into shitter.  Just for participating I'm going to send you all a box of three free unicorn wishes that I will dry hump HARD (with panties on because otherwise, ew.. weird.) and then drizzle with a bit of glitternaise.  [MS sidebar: note to self - omigawd!  Side business idea!]  

Now feel free to tell me your favorite in the comments!  I think it's pretty hard to top a banenis though...