We made it through winter! Most of us...

We're in that lovely transition period on the way to Spring (shit, we're here already!) where I refuse to wear my coat no matter how cold it is but can't bring myself to wear sandals no matter how hot it is.  Ahh, the mercurial tornado season.  

Here's how I survived this brutal winter and am transitioning into Shpringtime.  Yes, it requires its own transition period.  With lots of exfoliating.

Only a few things got me through the worst part of the winter when I was sure we were going straight into the Ice Age end times: Uptown Funk (on a spiritual level) and hellebores. 

Jade Star here

These jade beauties are not mine but they might be soon. THESE are mine that I got last Fall at our plant swap.   And they ain't doin' too bad - yay me!  The best thing about hellebores (other than they can survive an almost-ice age and terrible track record) is that just when you think things are the worst - day after day of wet, grey winter death - here they come with green sprouts in the snow.  See?  There IS hope and we are not destined to die in a dirty snow drift only to be discovered in March.  Hit your hallelujah, indeed.

About this time of year I have to burn up all my winter candles because it fucks with my brain to have a cinnamon harvest amber pumpkin fuckfest smell while the windows are open and it's 80.  Which is why I'm suggesting everyone buy the official (not official) Dumbledore's Office ($16) candle!

Oh apparently it's HEADMASTER'S Office now. Probably copyright issues...

I've had this on my wish list for YEARS but I bought myself one for Christmas and couldn't be happier.  It smells warm and woody but fresh and slightly lemony.  (I swear there was lavender in there but it not sure about the new formula description...?)  Perfect for Winter and Spring.  Hell, burn it all year.  Will not disappoint.  Because it's wizard magic, obviously.

Speaking of winter scents, I found this perfume oil ($8)at a local craft fair in the Fall and have been drawing sigils on myself with it every day.

I made that black smudge...  I swear the packaging is nice.

It really smells how a dreamy bonfire smells at night when you feel like you're in a car commercial and not the morning after bonfire that smells like you burned a squirrel alive and swaddled the carcass with your cardigan. And as it fades it smells like a smokey cupcake at the end of the day.  Maybe that's just my chemistry.  All of her scents are warm and fresh but all lovely - I also have Lolita - so buy in bulk, y'all!

UPDATE: It looks like she's sold out of the Bonfire but check out her other scents here.  She's probably just adding more stock.  I HOPE.

Speaking of smokey sweets for the winter, I don't have this but I waaaant it.

Smoked Tea Vanilla cocktail syrup ($19) is what we all need in our life.  I might put it in my oatmeal because I'm a beast like that.  Haha just kidding I mean whiskey.  Whiskey oatmeal?!  

I was recently introduced to chocolate bitters and I think my life has been changed.  Several people then mentioned the magic of celery bitters to me so obviously I need to be educated.  Whiskey and chocolate bitters in the winter and now I think my Shpring will be filled with celery bitters and a rainbow of other flavors!  And booze, obvi. Bitters all the year round!  If you got a good recipe send it my way.  

I had planned to do large amounts of baking and spend intense days in the kitchen on elaborate French recipes with strategic bits of flour on my nose but mostly I ate Ramen.  Hear me out.

Ramen seems to be trendy again just like other low-brow items from my youth like acid-washed jeans and Pop-Tarts. 

I was sick this winter and bought a case (I was sick a lot) as a desperate substitute for chicken broth.  I needed to retain fluid anyway...  I think I ate one pack the regular way like we did in college BUT I discovered if you throw away the seasoning packet the noodles are so cheap that it's almost painful not to use them in another way.  

So then I started making noodle bowls out of stock and soy and fish sauce and/or curry and coconut milk sometimes.  Throw in a bunch of veggies and maybe meat and if's probably the fanciest thing my cereal bowls have seen in a while.  

If you need some more specific direction than that last sentence (I did - Asian flavors are not my comfort zone) try this slow cooker pork ramen which was amazing or Lady and Pups has a lot of noodle ideas: Spicy Miso Ramen and Vampire Slayer Ramen Express and Bunker Crack Slurp.  She also feels no shame about eating some ramen with even "trashier" ingredients and she's a real food blog so I think that makes it okay.  Or maybe we should all stop judging food choices?

Which is a great idea because I'm not done with ramen.  For Spring I'm transitioning to ramen salads and maybe this spicy shrimp and guacamole ramen what?!  I was going to write a sentence about how America is further bastardizing this "garbage food" for the purpose of our Independence Day cookouts but NO I'm not shaming you or me for food choices anymore.  In fact, I made this Paula Deen ramen broccoli slaw and will admit I enjoyed it.   

It's still okay to shame Paula Deen though.

But I still might make it again for this summer's hot dog party!

All the money you saved on food by eating ramen means you can now buy yourself something nice to wear!  I'm a daily scarf wearer - it's my winter uniform and I feel cold and naked without one.  I also like to sink my head inside like a turtle when I feel threatened or want to nap.  In twenty years we're going to look back and think "Why the fuck did we wear a giant scarf INSIDE all day?" But for now I'm cozy and committed.  

I convinced my mom to crochet me a few after showing her the Outlander pics we talked about last Fall.  AND SHE DID!  Here and here.  I love them but it's getting a little warm for a double-wrapped infinity scarf made of love and thick acrylic.  Fortunately, these by Scarfshop piqued my interest the other day.

here

They come in a variety of hand-dyed colors and are really affordable: $30 for a "small" size (27"x108") and $60 for the large (54"x108").  I saw a tiny scarf half the size of the "small" at J. Crew last week for $55 so might as well get a giant cape made of clouds instead!  I'm part of the Scarf All Year club.  I have a weird, short neck so I feel like scarves hide it.  By camouflaging it in thick, bulky layers to it...?  

I've pretty much stuck to the dark, moody lip and simple black liner for winter and I like it.  It might be my forever look.  Forever turtle look.  But maybe trying something more colorful might be friendlier for Shpring?

here

Indigo liner and coral and apricot seem like a nice compromise for a new season while still allowing some opportunity for drama.  I'm going to be taking a class on contouring so I can look just like Kim K!  Except with a potato-y turtle head.  CAN you even contour a potato head or will they just hand me back my money when they see my face?  I guess we'll find out.

I think all that should transition me nicely to April.  I don't know why I can't go to a new season like a normal person without a strategy involving booze and eyeliner.  But all good strategies usually begin with booze and eyeliner so...  

What things are y'all looking forward to for warmer temps?  I'm excited to paint my toenails once again and get back that healthy glow that constantly sweating will bring to my skin.   

Obviously, I'm not compensated for any of these recommendations nor have any relationship with these people/companies.

Haha just kidding this is totally a sponsored post by Big Ramen.

Now THAT I was kidding about.

But if someone wants to get at me... 

NOODLES FOR LIFE.

Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's butter face.

You guys really got to the heart of my New Year's post a few weeks ago: proper moisturization (taint or otherwise). My face has been struggling this year and it probably has something to do with getting older or that I'm mutating X-Men style into a new race of desert people.

If you're anything like me (an unnaturally dry Eve of mutant peoples?) then maybe you could use some help this winter too.  Below is everything I've been using and recently recommended to me and please throw in you favorite moisturizers in the comments so we can be moist and dewy together.

Currently I'm using Extract Face Cream from Good Fortune Soap (a Chattanooga company).  Not greasy, has hyaluronic acid (super moisturizing and you can buy it in pill form surprisingly), gets the job done, excellent base.

I layer that with Goldenseal Moisturizing Cream from Sleepy Hollow Herb Farm (another local company).  I LOVE the Goldenseal moisturizer and recommend it to everyone, local or not.  They grow their own Goldenseal which is some kind of magic herb and it's great for all kinds of skin issues - eczema to bug bites.  It's really calming and soothing to my angry face.

I bought Shikai Borage Dry Skin Therapy on a whim a few years ago when I was having MAJOR skin problems and it was amazing.  Angry face became incredibly happy face.  Apparently borage oil is the shit but now I can only find this stuff online.  I expect it to be discontinued soon.

At night I usually follow all that with some tamanu oil which I know I've talked about before and still use and love.  I usually layer multiple moisturizers even in the summer so the fact that I do this shouldn't reflect on the quality of these products.  I have not-great skin that requires a lot of attention - more than I'm willing to give, honestly - so I'm not a one-product gal.  

But even this layers-of-flavor-strategic-moisturizing didn't work this year. At the end of the day it looks like I have a mild sunburn the way my face is flaking off.  I had to take matters into my own hands and go to the ModSauce Ranch Laboratories.  Shea butter is heaven on my body so why not my face, right?!  So I melted a couple of ounces of raw shea butter with an ounce of a mixture of Josie Maran Argan Oil and tamanu oil then whipped all that into a cream.  Everybody just has that stuff laying around in their medicine cabinet, right?  

Well I was bragging about my luxurious new face cream when my Twitter friend and beauty guru Genie of @EBArchDesign yelled at me about putting shea butter on my face because it can cause breakouts.  Well, double damn!  I thought I had solved the world's problems!

Don't tell her but I still use it sometimes and haven't had any breakouts.  But I did promise to graduate to more "adult" products.  Use shea butter at your own risk, apparently.

Fortunately I DID find some Clinique Moisture Surge, $39, in the back of my bathroom closet and have been loving it the past week or so.  Past me was very smart to buy it then I guess I got dumb in the summer and forgot about it.  Goes on like a gel so if you need moisture but hate the greasy, sticky feel then this is your jam.

Genie did recommend some things to me including Hydraluron, $20, which is the purest form of hyaluronic acid so there's that.  I've been looking for a serum to wear under my moisturizer so this will probably be my next purchase.  

She also recommended Kiehl's Midnight Recovery Concentrate ($46), Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair ($92 and I think a cult favorite) as well as this La Roche-Posay Cicaplast Accelerator Pro Recovery ($18).  She said it was developed for burn victims so I'm guessing it should be good enough for my chapped face.

A Ms. Anonymouse commented on that post about her love of Josie Maran's Argan Infinity Cream Oil, $28, which sounds heavenly.  The creamy oil part intrigues me.  What kind of magic science is that?  

Jamie, another sweet commenter suggested a moisturizer with urea in it like Udderly Smooth, $15.  Urea is like the store brand name of urine but don't freak out.  I KNOW I remember supermodels back in the 90's - probably on Oprah - talking about how the get up in the morning, pee on a wash cloth and then press it to their faces for their beautiful complexions.  If Linda Evangelista can have a pee face then gawddammit we can too!  

I think Udderly Smooth is made for the body but they say it can go on your face fine.  Don't get snooty, pee face.  I kinda like the idea of having ONE jar of something and being able to use it from head to toe.  

I use a mixture of stuff on my body depending on what smell I want but it usually involves a butter.  I make my own mix of shea butter and available oils (do you sense a trend?) based on this basic ratio.  I recently came across this recipe using coconut oil and coconut butter and it also sounds divine.  

I love the way coconut oil smells/feels but don't like its moisturizing qualities alone.  I actually use it to remove my makeup and it feels so luxurious.  But mixed with cocoa butter?  I needed to research.  So I bought some good, old-fashioned Palmer's Cocoa Butter, $7, because I don't think I've ever used cocoa butter before...

Honestly, I'm rather enjoying it.  It does have mineral oil in it which I heard is bad for skin but cocoa butter smells incredible so I don't care.  I used a small tub in two weeks.  

I'm not exactly sure the difference between shea butter and cocoa butter - the internet says shea is more healing for cuts, bites, infections, etc. but cocoa butter just smells sadamn good...  Your call.

If your body skin can't find relief with shea butter, cocoa butter and/or urea then you might want to consult a professional.  I have yet to find a body moisturizer that works as good as these that is non-greasy and absorbs immediately so you are warned.  Do not try to put leggings on in a hurry after an application.  For a more light weight moisture I sometimes use Kiehl's Creme de Corps body lotion in the summer that has an SPF but I get lazy.

Don't forget the best, non-greasy salt scrub I make too since we're all DIYing all the skin things!

I don't really use a specific hand cream because I only remember to use some right before I'm going to do a very important, highly precise task like playing Operation or trying to open a bunch of tight jar lids and my greasy hands might as well be stumps for how useful they are.  However, the other day my fingernail snagged on something and when I went to undo it I realized it wasn't my nail but THE SKIN NEXT TO MY NAIL AAAAHHHHHH.  I'm like a farm animal.  BUT NO MORE!

This tiny tin of Burt's Bees Hand Salve, $6, fixed my hooves in about three days so I won't be Madame Scissorhands anymore.

I think I left of foot creams but I just put socks on and call it a day. But the Udderly Smooth is supposed to be great for feetsies.

I think that's all of the moisturization tips from myself and my helpful team of beauty gurus - thank you, ladies!  My goal is to have some part of me be slightly greasy from December through March.  Except my face but we're working on that.  *greasy fingers crossed*

I have a feeling that it might be necessary for turning this mutant desert face into a dewy, sticky visage with the help of BB creams and better liquid foundation but I can only do one thing at a time.

Leave your faves in the comments!  Happy greasing!

Update!  The loverly @AndreaWolper recommended REN's Vita Mineral Daily Supplement Moisturizing Cream and Josie Maran's Argan Daily Moisturizer SPF 47.  Thanks and noted!

This 'n That But Mostly THIS

THIS LADY.

THIS lady.

THIS GAWDDAMN SUMAMABITCH HUMAN GARBAGE LADY.

THIS lady's TED talk about disability and "inspiration porn."

THIS beauty "cloth" aka loofah towel of exquisite torture.

THIS secret love shack.  Actually, I'd like to enjoy its angled beauty alone so... secret masturbation shack?

Speaking of orgasms... THIS comic.  First one's free.  The comic not the orgasm...

THIS painting.

THIS illustration.

THIS 7000* year old Donkey Tail. 

*age is approximate

THIS corner of green.

THIS green corner.

THIS animal bone wedding tiara.

THIS eyeliner.

THIS... partliner?

That's all.  I'm working on my bucket list and figuring out how to upholster a headboard!  

The internet makes it seem so easy.  I'll probably quit halfway through and play with eyeliner...

Cloudy with a chance of elegance.

Time for another installment of "What's Happening In My Bedroom ReSaucificaiton 2014?"!!

I'm not gonna lie I have no idea how punctuation works in a situation like that so please just politely nod, process my excitement and continue.

First things first, to round up the week (or ten days...) of good things happening Yonce, the Shining Gawddess of Light and Wind Machines, decided to bless me with a gift.

Nicest thing ever.  I got a little teary...

Can you even believe it?!  It's a vintage Moroccan wedding blanket straight from Marrakech that's been reincarnated into a pillow and is now living at the Ranch and makes my heart burst with joy.

*UPDATE:  I was wrong!  This pillow was not FROM a wedding blanket, it was made specifically for the bride's bed as is.  It's a wedding pillow!  I didn't even know that happened so I learned something new today!  

*SECOND UPDATE: Is it weird that I smelled it?

Look, the sequins even have a wonderful patina... 

Are you dying? I'm dying.

Squeed so hard.  I love the texture and shine and hint of color and it's gonna look so flipping suh-WEET on my bed.  Which I will absolutely want to actually make now so I can look at it.

Thank you so, so much to M and y'all please check out Red Thread Souk where this beauty came from. (Not a sponsored plug of any kind, just a friend.)

Man, I really gotta step up my game now.  We's fancy up in herr!

Now onto things that I cannot rely on the altruism of others for, I've FINALLY started painting my new old nightstand.  You may remember this $3 find?

I've spent all my time and energy working in the yard lately so the last thing I wanted to do was come inside and work more.  But thanks to a rainy weekend I could get down to bidness.  

Which was this:

I mean, it was $3.  So I spent a few days patching and sanding the big holes and when I was done I discovered about a dozen more but those are staying as "character."  Sigh...

I set up shop in the corner of my living room because if I'm going to spend hours working at least I can watch tv while I'm doing it.  [Read: I'm super fucking lazy and can't spend an hour alone without being entertained.]

In addition to the nightstand I decided to paint one of those West Elm lacquer trays you see up there on the right.  (I got it at a yard sale a few years ago I think?)  It was cheap and useful but that blue color is the most awkward shade ever.  It's like cornflower meets Sesame Street but sadder.  

If Indigo was castrated, this is the color it would be.

If mold got turnt up, this is the color it would be.

Normally I don't sand shit before I prime it but since this was so shiny I figured I had to.  So I got out my orbital sander and kinda half-assed took off its shiny, smug awkwardness.

Honestly, even though I used a mask this was probably a really dumb and unhealthy thing to do.  When I was done all the dust was sparkly from all the finely-ground shellac and I probably have lung cancer forming as we speak so good job me.

Veep is on in the background and I'm still wearing pajamas because I didn't shower all day.

After I primed and put on one coat things are definitely looking sexy.  The color was kinda hard for me to choose (SHOCKING, I KNOW).  It's not white although the afternoon light makes it look that way.  It's actually a pale grey - not a cold grey favored by cheap chevron prints everywhere but slightly warmer and more sophisticated.  Like cloudy with a chance of elegance.  

I was really drawn to Farrow & Ball's Cornforth White which of course I can't get around here so I found a comparable color at everyone's favorite girl next door, Benjamin Moore, called Collinwood.  Maybe this will help you to see?

I'm almost 110% certain they copied Farrow & Ball's color because those names are both equally jumbled in my mouth in too similar of a way for it to be a coincidence. 

I tried to underexpose this picture a bit so you can see the grey but now it just looks like a shitty picture.  But there's Charlemagne so it's not a total loss.

Despite this terrible picture the color really is amazing - as the sun went down it got cloudier and elegancier and I tried to show a bit of the contrast against my very practical styrofoam floor protectors.  I might have to paint my entire living room this color.  I can't stop staring at it as I type this...

Also, I was so pleased with how my china cabinet in my dining room turned out (remember this?) that I wanted to do an enamel again.  The nightstand is going to get some abuse so I need PERFORMANCE. I ended up using BM's Advanced Enamel paint which I can't recommend highly enough.  

Normally I don't give a flying Purdy fuck about paint types but lemme school ya:  this paint is a water-based alkyd (soap and water cleanup for an enamel) with low VOC and, not to sound like a commercial, exceptional leveling.  Like, after one coat I can't even see the brush strokes.  That second coat is probably going to be panty-creaming awesomeness.  There's nothing I despise more than painting trim but this looks so pretty I might repaint all my trim in this paint. 

However, a quart of each of the paint and primer set me back $50 so fuuuuuuck.  So much for my $3 table remaining cheap but it's way worth it.  This is most certainly not a sponsored plug for BM but this is how much I like this stuff.

Now onto other details that I'm just embarrassingly throwing my money at...

I fell in love with West Elm's agate knobs a few months ago and ordered them sight unseen from the interwebz!  Well low and behold they were kinda underwhelming when I got them in and they were on clearance so I couldn't return them.  I'm an idiot.

They actually look pretty here but in person they are almost clear and kinda milky - just not what the picture was in West Elm.  I'll try to reuse them for something else?  

Anyway, after that crushing reveal I couldn't shake the desire for a mineral-y pull of some kind so in a shopping rush I bought Anthropologie's Druzy Quartz knobs.

Now THESE are absolutely stunning in person and I think they would work really nicely with the nightstand BUT... they were $24 a piece.  OUCH.  The closest Anthro is 1.5 hours away so I just bought them on impulse because it was now or never.  I was also thinking a "splurge" would be a cool high/lo detail for the furniture BUT... I just can't do it.  I'm returning them.

Do you know how big of a REAL geode I can buy for $50??  A really fucking big one!  So I think I'd rather do that instead.

Also, I didn't move the hardware holes so now I'm kinda committed to the OG hardware (or at least that style):

Which looks totally fine and I like it.  They're actually brass but so tarnished they look almost black and I'm fine with it.  My lamp might be brass so I don't want too much shiny.  I can always change it later.

I'm still sad about the Anthro ones but there are some really cool geodes at my local antique mall so I think I need to go visit those to help soothe the sting of disappointment.

Right now I'm waiting on the first coat of paint to cure on the nightstand before I sand then I've got one more coat of paint before I'm done!  And if you're wondering the tray is looking about a million times better.  I'll share the final results of everything later of course.

If you're wondering why this bedroom project is taking so long it's because I spent all my money on plants for my garden this Spring.  I also can't find a lamp for my dresser that I like for $11 because that's all the money I have left to spend on it...  

Poop.

Oh yeah I also spent money on BEYONCE AND JAY Z TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not ashamed even a little bit!  Ain't tryna hear none of your Elevatorgate shade neither.  

All I'm trying to do is paint some furniture and pick out an outfit for the concert.  In July.

But next week I'm on staycation so I expect my headboard and other things will be given much attention then.

Sauce On The Run!

A Madame's Toolbox: Travel, Wellness and Moisturization Edition

It takes a lot of product and expertise to keep me barely functioning being fabulous.  Since I hit 30ish it seems to require MOAR product and MOAR expertise.  But this Fall and Sprinter I've been making sure to take some extra care of myself especially since I've been traveling a fair amount.

So let's take a look at some of the things that have become essential to my health and well-being at home and while traveling.  Sorry, I'm a Virgo -  I just looove telling you what to do when it comes to mucusy things and/or organization.

First off, I've been a neti pot convert for a while and kinda rely on it for, you know, breathing.  But then I heard that if you don't use filtered/boiled water worms will infect your brain and you'll die.  Now, I'm pretty sure that in thousands of years not many people got brain worms (or maybe they did?) so I wasn't toooo worried about it but we can all agree that neti pots aren't the most sexy or convenient things.  

But you know what IS sexy?

SALINE NASAL SPRAYS!

Buy a set of six here for $18. Don't worry, you'll use them.

I said goodbye to my forced nose pee and said hello to snorting saltwater.  Spray in the morning, spray in the evening, spray all fucking day - it's just saline so it's Jeezus and Gaia approved.  

You know how you always have a slight but consistent nose leak the entire winter?  Well since I'm a doctor of medikal scienze for the duration of this blog post and I can tell you it's because your nose is dry and irritated and your membranes are probably over compensating with mucus... I don't know, sounds legit, right?  Anyway, this soothes and moisturizes and cleanses your face holes and gets rid of nasal leakage, pinkie swear.  Remember this come pollen season (which is tomorrow), Southerners.

Also, I used it every twenty minutes while flying and no more stuffy nose.  My seat neighbors probably thought I was disgusting but I was breathing like a dream.  

Speaking of travel and moisturization, I can no longer rely on my body to properly maintain hydration levels anymore and once I get 30 ft above sea level my cells just shrivel up like pale raisins.  I've started drinking bottles - BOTTLES - of water while flying and for the first time ever I felt chipper getting off that last overseas flight I took.  I don't think I've ever been chipper at any point in my life but even the flight attendant applauded my water intake and evangelized the gospel of liquid salvation to me for a bit as she refilled my double-fisted bottles. 

[MS Sidebar: Ahem... Now is probably the time to review the Five Stages of Urinary Grief...]

However, my face skin needed a little more help than Dasani can provide so I brought a sample size of this awesomesauce:

Hydrating Treatment $36

It's a gel but 100 times more moisturizing than you think a gel would be.  There are lots of guides about beauty while flying but I can't pack 13 bottles of goo onto a carry-on bag and this did me alright.  And yes, I took my makeup off when I got on the plane.  I'm ALL about having a clean face for an overnight flight and then getting your ass up to brush your teeth and put more makeup on in the "morning."  It's so worth it to me.

A product I WISH that I did smuggle on the plane?

$8 at Amazon but I think it's cheaper in a store.

I've become addicted to rosewater this year like Olivia Pope is addicted to ivory and melodrama.  It's light, refreshing and NOT a Bath and Body Works perfumed poison splash.  I keep a bottle at home, in the car and at my desk at work.  I spray it whenever I need some fairy inspiration, a person walks by I don't like or I just need to feel like a flower sneezed on my face.  This brand has "magnetized and vortexed" water so that must be some good shit... *makes jacking off hand motion*

But three bottles wasn't enough for me so I have the Mario Badescu aloe version for $7 that I spray onto my face immediately after I cleanse/shower to keep moisture on my face while I lotion up my bod-ay until I can moisturize my face.

I swear it helps.  

Maybe?

But it feels like a facial and smells divine so that's good enough for me.  Mario Badescu life partner.

I can't wait to mist my face the next time I'm on a plane.  Seat neighbor will be shooting daggers with her eyes I can already feel it.

Next time I travel I'm also bringing some old-fashioned epsom salts with me.  My favorite way to learn a new city is on foot so after nine hours of convention center then a full night of exploring the city during my recent trip to Germany, my feet and ankles looked practically elephantine.  On my next to last day I finally stopped at a drugstore and bought these tiny packets of epsom salts for a good soak:

Only in Germany, friends.

So amazing.  I should have done this every night.  

These were so amazing that I dumped about 4 into the hotel bathtub for a full body soak.  But then I wondered what fake balsam scent and green dye would do the pH levels of my traveling vagina and got out pretty fast.  My suitcase is prepared for dry skin emergencies but not for lady infections.

I couldn't find these balsam-scented ones here in the States but these are pretty similar and are $6 for six packets. Or get one of those 5lb cardboard milk cartons of it at Walgreens (if you don't already) and put that shit in a ziploc baggie if you're a walker like me.  Be a grandma.  It's cool.  It's Normcore.

Now, I'll never be the girl who can skip washing her hair but I do harness the power of a particular dry shampoo just for styling purposes.  BECAUSE IT HAS GLITTER IN IT!

That's straight up blonde glitter in the bottom there.

Changing continents, altitudes, time zones or just cardinal directions confuses my hair.  It gets very sad and forlorn and overnight air travel is like the kiss of greasy death.  I give it some glittery dry shampoo courtesy of Keratin Complex for blondes ($35 - yeah, little pricey) to wake it back up again until we have a few showers to acclimate.  Let's try to look as perky as possible standing in that passport line.

If you're not traveling and just normally have fine, limp, easily confused hair it also works great if you get home from work and you're going out again and don't want people to think you're a homeless person but also don't want to wash your hair again because you'd rather just start drinking early.  Head glitter makes everything right with the world again.

If you're a dude and hate dry shampoo and moisturizer, wake up!  You can pay attention again.  

For any gender I would highly recommend getting some packing cubes like these:

Ebags packing cubes set of 3 for $27

These little nylon bags look like no big deal but will absolutely SAVE your sanity while traveling.  Keep your panties and manties and socks and shirts and toiletries and sex toys all separate from each other.  It saves space and time and prevents your luggage from looking like it has an exploding panty problem.

Because it's ALWAYS the panties that escape in the most embarrassing situations...

Yes, YOUR bag can look this good too.

Just look at this suitcase porn.  This blog uses the TravelWise 5-piece set ($30 on Amazon) and it looks like a great deal.  Packing cubes are packing cubes.  I've had the OG Eagle Creek set for almost a decade and it's absolutely worth $30.

One of my favorite finds this last trip was an app (Android and iPhone) called Field Trip.  

Atlas Obscura is my favorite travel site because it has nothing but weird shit that you know is my favorite stuff to see.  I found that they didn't have their own app but are a part of this app along with dozens of other brands like Arch Daily, Architizer, Dezeen, Cool Hunting, Curbed, Zagat, Eater, National Historic Registry and tons of other stuff.  

Do you want to know where abandoned buildings, ghost stories, coffee shops, a bush that's shaped like Gorbachev and awesome museums are?  Well this app will tell you where they are and actually send you push notifications when you're wandering around and get near something else! 

Unfortunately, traveling in a foreign country means my internet service is shit unless I'm physically dry-humping the wifi so I had to roughly plan my route at the hotel beforehand.  However, I found several amazing things I wouldn't have found otherwise.

Even if you're not traveling, play with it in your own city.  You'll be amazed at what places pop up.  Southerners, I now know every Civil War event and market for a 75 mile radius.  After the third day I had to turn off the notifications....

So I'll end this post with something that's not necessarily travel related but it IS related to health and wellness and moisturization: ye olde humidifier.  This is both a positive and negative review.

Crane drop shape humidifier on Amazon

I was a rather sickly kid and among other incredibly nerdy, embarrassing things I did I also regularly used a humidifier.  Well, it was embarrassing back then but now I desperately crave its vapor gifts.

I've had my eye on the award-winning Crane version for the past year or so and just could never make myself spend the money (Um, it's $40...).  But when I saw one for $15 at a bargain store recently I snatched it up.  Thanks, Universe.

I know many people use them all over their houses, I pretty much point it directly on my face at night.  I want an eight hour humidity jizz fest on my face while I sleep.  I'm really glad I bought it because it does help my skin and sinuses.  I'm Team Humidifier despite the fact that you have to clean that shit all the gawddamn time so you don't get BACTERIAL eight hour humidity jizz fest on your face while you sleep.  

However, in the interest of full disclosure - I'm not in love with this humidifier.  Maybe I just haven't used a humidifier in a long time but this "whisper quiet" machine is loud as hell.  I sleep like the walking dead ate a brain full of Nyquil and this thing keeps me up.  It's like a gurgling fountain next to your ear all night long.  

It's so loud I emailed the company to make sure it wasn't defective and they were like "Yep, totes normal.  Have you tried turning it down?"  Um no shit, Cumberbatch.  At no level does it not sound like an animal is drowning deep underwater [slight exaggeration possibly] and turning it up or down doesn't seem to affect the quality of the humidity jizz stream either.  

It doesn't majestically shoot up into the air to be absorbed but instead just sadly billows out and falls down and moistens my nightstand.  My 1980's humidifier had a jet stream so powerful I could set it on a table three feet away and I'd literally wake up in glistening dew on a damp pillow like a woodland nymph.

A kinda nerdy, pretty sickly woodland nymph with dew-kissed skin nevertheless.  

If you have a humidifier that you love - or any product you're loving lately - please share!

I could tell you about products FOREVER but I'll stop there.  

Go forth, my dear friends, and have gorgeous skin, healthy sinuses and many traveling adventures!

It probably doesn't need to be said but I receive no compensation of any kind for any of these recommendations.  Just things I think are cool!