|I'm not getting this.|
Hello lovah. Much credit goes to my blog daddy and matchmaker Paul Anater (@Paul_Anater) of Kitchen and Residential Design who got me started on this process and brought Nick and I together. We've been holding hands (snarking) and skipping (sarcastic snarking) for months now. Paul, I'll be sending you a mini muffin basket soon as a thank you. But first I had to bring Nick to the dark side.
Ahhhh... that's better. Nick, lemme introduce you to the kitchen. Piece of shit, Nick. Nick, piece of shit. He would be designing this space only through emails, late night sexting, our Southern telepathic powers and a few phone calls. Oh Nick, did I forget to mention that my kitchen is a five-sided room? Oopsy... ahahahaha*nervous laugh*ahahahaha........
Here's the pentagon of cooking fabulosity. Or pentagram as I lovingly refer to it.
|Seriously, it's rough in there.|
devil's playground pentagon shape is actually pretty functional because it creates the perfect working triangle between the stove, sink and fridge. Thank gawd these people did something right! It's a decent size space too - anywhere from 150-375 sq feet. I can't really tell because the room has FIVE FUCKING SIDES and I need Stephen Hawking to figure that shit out. Standing at the counter looking out those two huge windows is like standing at the prow of a ship and it makes you want to scream "I'm the Madame of the world" Titanic style. But right now it's so ghetto the way those nasty walls wrap around you that it feels like you're getting a hug from a smelly homeless man. I told you not to stay and talk - just throw the leftovers in the fridge and get out!!!!
So I sent Nick some measurements and pictures and he told me to stop sending such filth to his inbox. I told him that really was my kitchen and reminded him that we had signed the contract in blood and glitter in the center of the pentragram and those bonds are only broken by death or a special ceremony by the White Witch herself, Candice Olsen.
I also sent him a really precise and helpful list of 'wants' like:
"Nick, I want my kitchen to look exactly like this but NOT like this. Got it? Good."
And "I hate bending over - design accordingly" and "deep drawers make Madame squee but make sure they're sturdy enough for the monthly swinger parties" and "I want the thingy that pulls out and rotates *waves hands in air which he can't see either* for all my cooking stuffs" and then released him into the wild. I didn't even have to micromanage because Nick is like the Alabama kitchen designer lovechild of Ty Pennington and Tabatha from Tabatha's Salon Makeover and he gets. this. shit. done. Then, magically, one day I get a jazzy plan in my inbox. It's beautiful. Boom. Done.
Honestly, the whole process was really easy and Nick was really accomodating to all my drunk and neurotic demands. I really didn't even have to make a lot of changes - just a few nudges here and there that we talked about together over a box of wine. Maybe that was just me... Not being in the space does present a few challenges and I did have to do a little homework once.
|Yes that's my wall. Just deal with it.|
DON'T LAUGH!!!!! I totally taped off his plan on my floor so I could get a feel for it. Part of it looked great on paper but it was too invasive in the actual space. So I taped off where I felt comfortable a foot or so back. Then I sent him that picture. He thought I was both batshit crazy and exceptionally helfpul. Ain't the internets grand?!
We'll go deeper into the process of working with a designer and a showroom later when Nick gets to visit the Sauce in his own words one day, but without a doubt I was able to afford a better product than I could have at a big box store. I'm totally going ham, upgrade from bologna. In your stupid orange FACE Home Depot! That ham product is Kraftmaid's Huntington door in Dove White by the way.
|Kraftmaid - your site sucks for nice pictures. Get on this.|
I wanted a simple modern-ish look. A slab front is too severe for my house and any other details with a vintage mocha caramel gooey glaze are too fussy. Shaker it is.
So here are the final orgasm-inducing renderings for the space:
When you first enter the space...
|not my range hood but use your imagination.|
Look at all those glass cabinets!!! My gay husband has already called dibs on arranging the contents of them. Bless him. Nick and I juggled this wall a little... There was a matching two-door glass cabinet on the right of the hood but I thought the empty corner would have bad chi or something. Possibly harbor ghosts... I don't know. He engineered more cabinets to fit the corner and I love it more than Charlemagne's fluffbutt. I'm kidding. I could love nothing more than that. The uppers aren't symmetrical but the angled base cabinet on the left balances the wall nicely. That cabinet also helps open up all the dumbass angles at the entrance to the space. I would give my left glitter testicle to see this in person right now.
Is that a farmhouse sink??!! I'll never tell! (until I do the post about the sink...)
I was scared of the entire wall of cabinets at first but then I realized it was really damn smart. I wouldn't have thought of that and I'm pretty sure Home Depot wouldn't have either. I don't know who I have to sleep with at the Sears Appliance Outlet to get a counter-depth fridge but I will. Or just invite them to the monthly swingers parties and then they're on their own.
As of right now my cabinets are at the Kraftmaid factory at the North Pole getting their final coat of fabulosity sprayed on and they'll be at my house in almost a month.
Nick, our baby will be coming home soon and then we'll get to be a real family forever and ever and ever and ever.........