Monday, May 9, 2011

"How many exclamation points are allowed in a post title?" otherwise known as "I HAVE A KITCHEN OF AMAZING AWESOMENESS"

I don't even have a witty or relevant opening paragraph to this post so just LOOK AT IT!!!!!

I'm a photography idiot so just enlarge for maximum awesomeness.
Before we squee ourselves out too early here's some never-before-seen pictures from when I first moved in!  Take a big swig of wine, bless yourself with a dusting of glitter and spritz of Febreze laced with Candice Olson pheromones and brace yourself.
For all that is holy and full of bacon, THAT SCALLOP!!  *shudders*  I can't even remember why I bought this place...

It certainly wasn't the stove because it was the filthiest thing I'd ever seen (or smelled).  We drug it out to the back patio and put it out of its misery.  The smoky glass corner shelf was a nice touch though.

And then this was the day of demo just a few short weeks ago.  Ahh memories.  Looks worse than the pics above but in person it was actually better.  Well, it smelled better and your eyes didn't have grease stains.  


But back to present day fabulosity:

Night pics = drama.  Also, I was busy and shit during the day.  Counters not really yellow either but see note about photo idiocracy above.
I'm not gonna lie - I'm really happy.  Sometimes I'll just be walking down the hall and see the kitchen and be like "DAMN!  How'd that sexy kitchen get in here?" and bask in some awesomeness for a second or two and then keep walking.  It's energizing.  Kitchen is the new crack.  Or meth depending on what part of the country you're from.

Charlemagne is slightly pissed that her food bowl has been moved twice in two months.  Apparently she doesn't appreciate Kitchen and the floors as much as the rest of us.  Get some design sense, already!!!

And speaking of the floors:
This is the corner of Kitchen looking in as you're standing at the entrance to the hellgate.  The way all that lines up makes me tingly.

Have you hugged a kitchen designer today?  Nick I love the cabinets on this entire wall - you did awesome.
Because I've run out of kidneys and eggs to sell for money most of my appliances are remaining.  Honestly I don't hate Mr. White Stove since there's so much white in here so until science figures out a way for me to spontaneously grow new body parts for the black market he'll just have to make nice with Mr. Sexy Hood.  In related stove news, not having an actual countertop on either side of it for such a long time makes this setup feel like I'm living in some kind of fantasy castle of luxury where I cook in a mink stole and can set bowls down on my left AND right!  Thus far I'm loving the wood (that's what she said) and can't imagine stone or a quartz in this space at all.  Currently it has about 4 applications of IKE-RA's own butcher block oil on it which surprisingly doesn't look like oil but instead looks like buttermilk.  Trying pouring that on your counters...  Weird.  
I think we just talked about birds (ahem...) but these were a Christmas present and I still like them so DON'T JUDGE ME!  But look: tile!!!  It's warm, it's cool and sometimes I like to pet it when no one is looking.  

Well hello Eva Zeisel dishes!  We'll talk about you more one day in the future but for now seeing you showcased like this makes me exceedingly happy.  However I'm still moving in and nothing is in its final place.  I started putting things in cabinets a few weeks ago but somehow the contractors managed to get sawdust INSIDE the cabinets even where they weren't working... Contractor magic.  Also, my cabinet stylist was busy this weekend (WTF?  Don't you know who I am??!) so I know he's going to take one look at my teacups and *eyeroll* and make them prettier elsewhere.  

Know what else makes me exceedingly happy?
Venuto FINALLY is in his home!  Venuto has been stuck in a closet since um... last summer when he came into our world.  He's a good sport.  And he's sexy as hell and totally pwns that sink which is pretty tough to do because have you seen that sink?!

Show that sink how it's done, Venuto.

That Magne-dock, lock and drop it technology rocks my world.  (I think I just found your new commercial deal with Huey, Brizo.  You're welcome.) It's like the soft close feature on my cabinets drawers but for faucets.  Us people of luxury in the 21st century can't be bothered with returning things to their rightful positions and rely on technology and faucet magic to do it for us.  Hey, I'm a busy Madame and thanks to Brizo for understanding my needs.

Good thing these drawers do have that soft close feature since they are stuffed to the max with NOTHING because I have so much cabinet goodness that I actually have tons of empty storage.  Better go shopping...

And look at all this space!  The microwave trim kit finally arrived after its journey through Middle Earth although not after a very harrowing ordeal in which I had to pick it up at the local FedEx hub located at the corner of Murder Ave. and Girl, You Do Not Belong Here Blvd where I had to be buzzed in through a cage, walk half a mile, go through airport security and then forced to talk to the guard for ten minutes about his potted meat lunch (because of the economy and all) eaten with the heels of bread (which he called toes) all in front of a giant industrial fan causing me to hold my hair out of my lipgloss with one hand and sign for my package with my other hand and - as elegantly as possible - tuck my skirt between my thighs so I didn't flash potted-meat man from the hurricane force winds behind me ONLY for the contractors to later tell me it didn't fit.  


I will fuck you in the face with potted meat if you don't put that gawddammed microwave in that cabinet you lazy sonsabitches.  Apparently that did the trick because magically 30 minutes later the microwave was snuggled in nicely.  It was either my threat or Nick's help... one of the two.

Taste the rainbow!
It's not all white and beige in here!  But those can stay nice and tucked away.

I do have a bit of a thing for ugly vintage dishes...  They just want a good home!!!!

Wheeeee!!!  More rainbow!!  To reduce paper consumption I made an effort to only use cloth napkins with meals last year but having 12 of the same pattern is so boring so now I just pick up a couple of whatever's on clearance at Anthro when I'm there.  I feel like you're looking in Kitchen's panty drawer...

And finally we have the pantry and existing Mr. White Fridge.   He doesn't quite fit the space which was designed to hold a glorious counter depth fridge one day when I can afford it but in the meantime welcome to the real world y'all where everything isn't HGTV perfect all at once.

When Mr. Counter Depth Fridge gets here this view will be so much better...
Can't forget airport runway lighting!

Gratuitous kitchen porn shot
Kitchen's getting sleepy from all this excitement...

The ModSauce Ranch doesn't look so mint green at night!  Pardon the blurry picture but I was taking this perched on my car door in my neighbor's yard in the middle of the night and people were starting to wonder (more than normal) but those two windows are the kitchen overlooking the corner of my street and everyone driving by can be blinded by the awesomeness of Kitchen since I don't have shades yet but that will be remedied shortly once the summer come and the afternoon sun will turn Kitchen into the hellgate again.  But for now it's breezy and making my neighbors jealous.  Or they think I've turned into a chef/exhibitionist...

Sigh...  It is done.  It's not perfect but I'm loving it so far - I think it looks like me and suits my house and my neighborhood.  And by "suits" I mean kicks its ass of course.  So thanks to Charlie Sheen (not really) Cupboards and Brizo and jeezus and the special people that have given me advice and all my readers and tweeps who've been supportive or at the very least laughed with me (at me?) during this process and omigawd *waves hand in front of face* I might cry so somebody punch me before I show you I'm a real human!  I've got more deep kitchen thoughts coming in the future about working with contractors and possibly even a guest appearance by my cabinet daddy, Nick, but for now this:

Sink, consider yourself dry-humped tonight.


  1. Beautiful! The Hobo Army and I are on our way to crash your fancy wine and cheese wrap party! :-D

  2. Fantastic!! All are welcome as long as they bring wet wipes with them to clean up their dirt trails. Let's try to keep THIS kitchen looking nice. At east for a month or two... ; )

    Thanks John!

  3. It looks so good!!! :-) I can't wait to see it in person. The undercabinet lighting at night is the best part! Woo!!!

  4. Tabitha - Squueeeee!!

    Zrzuce - The undercabinet lighting makes my skin look awesome so I love it too. Come on ovah...!

    Amy - Thanks so much Amy! Don't mind me, I'll be over here basking... ; )

  5. That is one sexy kitchen! Congratulations! I'm totally digging your little retro Stainless toaster too. I saw those countertops at my local Ikea store last month and they're really Superbad. I may have to buy them for myself. You now need to get one of those naked mermaids from a pirate ship to mount on the corner outside between the windows- a public art installation for your deserving neighbors.

  6. Thanks Tammy! So far I really love the countertops - I AM a little scared to really get in there and get dirty with them but I think it's kinda like getting a new car and the shiny newness will wear off.

    You're absolutely right I need a masthead for my ship house!! Hot mama of the sea!!

  7. You could have your stainless steel oven and fridge! See this,

    It really WORKS I did it to my drop in oven/range. I can send you pics if you like!

  8. BTW, your kitchen is gorgeous and sexy!!!

  9. Whoa I never heard of that before! If I get a DIY bug I'll let you know. ; )

    And thanks for commenting, yo!

  10. If that sink's only getting a dry-humping, I'd be surprised. Hot stuff! I love everything about this kitchen, especially how clean and light and shiny it is compared to before. Those are some STUNNING before shots.

  11. Madame, it is indeed fabulous! Nick and you did a great job. I am sure that you will have all of that extra storage space filled, soon. You know you can, you are a Southern woman, it is what we do...well one of the things we so well. I love that you posted the before pix, it shows how far it has come and looking at those will help you to continue to appreciate all of this new found fabulosity, in case you become complacent about the new Kitchen.

    Brenda Lynn

  12. Kim - what happens in the kitchen stays in the kitchen. Kinda... The before pics are so bad I really could have put any kitchen after it and it would have been a squeefest.

    I'm glad you like the "after" too! ; )

    Brenda - Nick was awesome and I couldn't have done it without him! And you're right - any time I might wish I'd done something better I'll look back at those pics and throw up in my mouth and then be thankful.

  13. Hooray!!! I've been waiting for this post for so long. It looks fantastic! I love it!

  14. All I can say is wow. Kudos to you and a round of applause for Nick.

  15. simply fantastic! Nick should post these pics on his Cupboards facebook page -- oh wait! < playin' you know. cabinets great (love the crown) . . you crushed on the flooring -- and the lighting is pretty freakin' awesome too. congrats. and big props all the way around.

  16. I LOVE the cabinet pulls. Nice and beefy. Great job to all involved including Charlemagne!

  17. Very sexy! Kudos all around.

    Half the beauty is your excitement - at least for me. That's what we live for in designer-land. *nodnod*

  18. Stunning before and afters. Wouldn't even recognize it if I hadn't been reading along. Congrats to you and Nick ... such talented folk I know!

  19. Jeannine - Honey, I've been waiting to post this for along time too! Thanks so much!

    Paul - and thank YOU for kicking my ass around in the beginning and recommending I work with Nick - it was awesome.

    Ginny - I initially wanted a much more delicate handle but these are more practical and that won out. Glad you approve! Charlemagne sends you a hairball of love. ; )

    Kelly - I am excited and I'm glad everything likes the end result (or they're lying??!!) so my excitement is warranted. ; ) Much love for the inhabitants of designer-land!

    Arne - Bless you. You'll be getting extra sauce (BBQ that is) when I see you.

  20. Man now I really have to get you a kitchen warming gift that is as sexy as the kitchen.....nope still buying thrift store hand towels with glitter and unicorns

  21. 1. Did you ask the guard what he was eating, or did he just offer it up for conversation? "Don't get many visitors around these parts, care for some potted meat while yer waitin'?"

    2. After the whole ordeal at Mt. Doom, being down only a single finger (and by finger, I mean contractor's cheek) is a great ROI.

    3. Checking out a kitchen's "panty drawer" is always a great ice-breaker :)

    Seriously though MS, the kitchen looks great. Especially the lighting, which is always challenging, even for professionals.


  22. Wow, your kitchen is all sorts of hotness and not like the hotness of a hot mess celebrity, but true ever loving hotness of 70s Elvis right here:

    Okay, I just jizzed all over myself (not sure if thats really plausible, but...) So, your kitchen =fantastic and I wish I lived closer so you could cook me a gourmet meal of WTF potted meat is.

  23. Izzy -
    1. He just offered before I even had a chance to inquire about his dinner. Polite really.

    2. There are things I should have done differently (of which I'll no doubt post about in the future) but overall I feel very lucky with the process AND my contractors.

    3. The KITCHEN'S panty drawer will be the first stop in the ModSauce Ranch house tour!

    Thanks so much for your comments btw. I had a huge network of support which really helped. And I had a lot of picture drama this weekend so I'm glad you could see through their awkwardness! Lighting designers deserve much more credit than they're given! Just like blog readers...!! ; )

    Alycia - I girl jizz all over myself all the time when I see hotness so I totally relate and so happy I was able to help you in this regard. If you lived closer I'd totally cook you up WTFever potted meat is too. And then we'd eat macaroni and cheese and ice cream because that shit is nasty.

    Glittery and sweaty 70s Elvis hugs for you!!

  24. Came here from Raina. Love your kitchen and your ugly vintage dishes. well done. xox

  25. Madame Sauciness, I cant decide what part is the juiciest, the lighting... or the colors... love the slate and the counters and the sink and even the kitty bowls, napkins, and off key frig. esp the nightlight view.
    Nick, what a wizard, you two make a jazzy team! Bravo!! cindy @urbanverse

  26. Jane - A thousand thanks to you and welcome to the Sauce! Ladies for Ugly Dishes unite!!

    Cindy - The wonky fridge thanks you. As does Charlemagne. Your juicy praise makes me happy on the inside. ; )

  27. Madame you and Nick did an absolutely fantastic job. I love the mixture of materials, the wood counter tops really warm the kitchen, and those funky vintage dishes add a saucy touch. Bravo!

  28. That was the most entertaining reveal I have ever read! And amazingly, the kitchen itself lives up to your colorful way with words! My favorites: THE FLOOR, the empty drawers waiting to be filled and the backsplash/countertop combo. Well done - carry on with your awesomeness!!!

  29. What a gorgeous & totally droolworthy kitchen!!! A HUGE improvement - really nice, 1st class job you & Nick rocked it. I love the floor & the backsplash. & The lighting. & the sink. & the countertops. Ok so I love it! Enjoy!

  30. 1. Your kitchen is awesome.

    2. Nick is awesome.

    3. You are awesome.

    4. #1-3 are stating the obvious.

  31. Jeremy - I feel like it's getting redundant that I keep thanking people but thank you!

    Kim - glad you enjoyed and nice to see another Chattavegas face over here! Welcome to the Sauce!

    Raina - bless you for your shout out today. But you left out #5. YOU are awesome.

    Y'all, this is such an unexpected love fest today. I'm sending you all glittery hugs!

  32. This kitchen is amazing! I love the backsplash tile and white cabinets! So gorgeous. Congrats!

  33. I woke up my dog by laughing at the comment you made to your contractors which convinced them to figure out your microwave trim kit. Rest assured, tomorrow we will be discussing your hilarious adventures at work because I'm emailing all of them the link now...

  34. Looking good madame! ;)

  35. Beautiful! I love the lights and the tile. Maybe I need a new backsplash in mine. We're thinking about ripping out our bathroom and re-tiling it. Now I'm inspired. The bathroom isn't bad, just cheap, bland 99 cent home depot tile.

    And there's nothing wrong with making a good home for lovely vintage dishes!

  36. Birdie to Be - that tile is way awesome in person too! Welcome to the Sauce, yo!

    Sara - In all honesty I only said that part to them in my head (I'm not actually THAT crazy!) but I did have a few heated words for them and their laziness... ; ) Hope your office enjoys!

    Veaplan - thanks honey!

    BusyWorkingMama - I felt scared because somehow tiling seemed so permanent (and I'm scared in general..!) but I love it! Good luck with your bathroom tiling adventures! Thanks for stopping by. ; )

  37. Yes a kitchen of pure awesomeness is right. You kept teasing its about damn time. And it does not diassapoint.

  38. I'm such a teasing bitch, I know. Glad you enjoyed! You're invited to come over for pizza rolls anytime.

  39. Holy. Shit. Love.

    Sorry, that's all I got.

    Oh, and what's the source for the floor tiles?

  40. You got plenty - thank you! ; )

    The floor tile is something called Urban Landscape and the color is Soho. Here's a link so we can all remember:

    I was scared of black but having lived with it for a month I love it - don't be afraid!!

  41. Congratulations! Your kitchen is beyond awesome! We're redoing ours now and this is giving me hope

  42. Does the meat foodstuff Spam stuff go nicely with the diced tomatoes in the cupboard? Which brings me to the my real question - now that you have a kitchen, can you actually cook?

  43. Karly - Thank you! Sending you moral support via the interwebs - I hope you keep us updated on the progress!

    AFF - Shit yeah I can cook! Kinda...

  44. This is a covetous kitchen. Only bad thing about seeing this is that I hate my kitchen even more!

  45. What a fantastic kitchen, my favorite place in our house, you can always see me in there because I love to cook any thing specially baking.

    Philippine properties

  46. Thank you! I'm thoroughly enjoying it!

  47. I followed the link and it led back to this. And yes I re read your kitchen post all over again. Thats how much I care. Or perhaps stalky. But not the murdery kind of stalky but more wierdo kind. Whatever i read the whole post again damn it!

  48. Damn girl - I didn't even reread this post! But I stalk you in much the same way so I think two stalkers cancel each other out right?! Right.

  49. beautiful! we are in the middle of a kitchen remodel and yours is truly inspirational!

  50. Good luck, Trish! If *I* can do it, ANYONE can! Thank you for the kind words and thanks for stopping by the Sauce! When yours is done please update - I can never get enough of a good remodel. ; )

  51. LOVE IT! We are in the midst of renos ourselves...I found your pic on pinterest and was wondering where you got those fabulous globe lights!!!?

  52. Hi Lish! Thanks for stopping by - I loves the Pinterest myself! The globe lights are from West Elm and I thought they were a great deal (although it looks like their price just went up.)

    Good luck with your renovation and let me know how it turns out!

  53. Love the tile floor...may I ask where you got the tile...trying to get some for my master bath floor!

  54. What are the tiles in the kitchen called?