I'm going to paint this shack red.

Unbeknownst to me, over the past few years I have slowly begun my slide into old cranky hermit goat lady like that woman in Cold Mountain.  I spend a lot of time alone (watching OWN on my couch), I spent a good 2 minutes last week deciding if I could really use the wild onions growing in my yard on my food and I've been neglecting my chin beard eyebrow maintenance.  If I wear this headscarf for one more lazy Sunday a goat will magically appear in my backyard.

But the old cranky hermit goat lady did get to spend some quality time with Jude Law so maybe this headscarf thing isn't such a bad idea...

However, no goat lady is complete without her own shack so it's a good thing the Cabin Porn tumblr crossed my dash recently.  Cabin Porn isn't lumberjacks doing the nasty (although there probably is a tumblr for that) but the kind of porn I like: buildings.  

Possibly lumberjack porn now that I think about it... *runs to tumblr*

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What a great place to nurse Jude Law back to health.  Or write in my journal.  Either one.  Probably won't have any actual goats because they stink and I don't want to butcher them.  I'm not ready to really live off the grid because I'm not good with killing animals and how would I watch OWN then?

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This hermit-in-training loves A-frames.  And hyphenation.

Well hello, slightly-bigger-than-a-shack for a slightly-more-glamorous-than-your-average-goat-lady-hermit.

Josephine Ashmun House by Alden B. Dow here

Here's the inside.  It's a cabin that's nicer than my house.  Maybe I'm ALREADY a poor hermit lady?!??!?!?!?!

Charlemagne is my metaphorical goat.

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Just a dining room shack.  You could have your goats bring the food up from the kitchen.

Norman Jaffe here

I've been kicking around the idea of taking a solo vacation for one of my weeks off this year.  That sounds really lame but us future-goat-ladies don't care about your close-minded judgment!  I don't want one of those singles cruises because that shit kinda creeps me out but I AM hoping to find a shack in the mountains.  Or the beach, I'm not picky.   

So if you happen to know of any available shacks that are cheap/free - maybe that holds your family's forgotten four-wheeler or where you practice your pagan rituals during the solstices - please let this Madame know.  I promise you won't even know I'm there.  (Except for the snail trail of glitternaise I leave everywhere I go, of course)

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If it happened to look like this shack instead of that onyx piece of heaven above then that would be just as awesome.  Actually, here in the foothills of the Appalachian mountains that is considered a McMansion.  Where they probably stock it with McMoonshine.  

I may never come back...

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I am so NOT thinking about putting a bush on it, I'll tell you that much!

Little Big House by Room 11

Up North by Peter Baker

If your family's four-wheeler storage unit just happens to be near Gatlinburg or Pigeon Forge, TN that would be the most glorious and sequined thing ever.  I haven't been to Dollywood, Dolly Parton's theme park - yes that's right - since I was a little girl and it's like my Mecca.  

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BUT if you only had a shack like this one in Californ-I-A I would totally deal. It's really far from the healing powers of Dolly Parton's roller coasters (that's not a boob joke) but I think I could still let my hermit dreams loose out west.

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Or in Maine by a lake...

Casa Garoza by Herreros Arquitectos here

Or wherever the hell this place is.  Dreams just loosin' all the place.

Cadyville Sauna by Dan Hisel. See more awesome pics here.

This is a mirrored sauna.  A totally acceptable shack if you happen to have access to one otherwise I'll just DREAM ABOUT IT FOREVER.

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I wish I had a time machine to go back to this cabin.  Maybe I'll just locate some white cropped pants, an egg chair and a few goat friends to recreate this scene.

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Aside from manipulating the spacetime continuum, I'm really I'm totally fine with this cliche 'girl and some tea surrounded by nature and shit' (within a 50 mile radius of Dollywood or the California shore).  According to Cabin Porn, this loverly red paint is called Falu red.  It's made from the tailings of copper mines in Sweden and used to help preserve their wooden buildings.  Look at all this learning you're getting today on the Sauce!!

Just imagine all that and more that I'll be able to provide if you would so generously share your meth shed with me for a week while I recharge my glitter batteries.  So if you have any destination recommendations holler at me.

But please, no goats.  There's only one thing allowed to have a chin beard around here.