Thursday, February 9, 2012

Put a bush on it.

I think by now we know that I like my interiors warm and comfortably weird and my exteriors cold and severe.  
hot desert dry humps
Just like this adorably harsh California Roll house by Christopher Daniel (which probably does NOT have warm and weird interiors) sitting in the middle of the desert.  With nothing around it.  Not a tree... driveway... privet hedge.


so many facets of orgasmic bliss in  this chapel by S-M.A.O. Sancho-Madridejos Architecture via  +Mood
And look at this piece of pointy fabulosity that looks like it appeared miraculously in the middle of this scrubby desert...  Where do I park my high-mileage Toyota because I'm about to circumnavigate this beauty in the rough...?? 

Architects, you build towers of concrete and steel and misunderstood loneliness that are perfectly complimented by empty alien landscapes.  We get it.  Your buildings are so important and delicious that nothing else - not even the glory of the Earth herself - can fuck up your elevation.  

And by 'your buildings' I really mean your ego.  

And by 'ego' I mean your penis.

I know you want us to gasp at your giant erection on the horizon but I think I'm getting desensitized to proud displays on Martian landscapes.  

Make it look like people actually inhabit these places.  Put a tasteful mailbox out there.  Maybe a garden gnome.  Hell, I'll take a few angry looking cacti.  Because there IS such a thing as too much manscaping.
Take a minute and imagine what the corresponding netherjunk looks like...  Homosensuals (and some lady peoples) I'll give you a few extra minutes because I know some of all y'all really do love a Color Me Badd-looking downstairs party.  

But for the rest of us, yeah - THAT'S what buildings in the middle of the nowhere are starting to feel like. 

We've all heard that the shorter the grass, the taller the tree but you ain't foolin anyone.  We all agree that your buildings are badass.  Just put a damn shrub out there - a little greenery to soften it up.  You know, the way gawd made you.  

If you need some help with finding gawd might I suggest you sit in the corner underneath that cross and wait for the sliver of light to touch your face.

Because I like it when gawd touches my face (or scratches my back if he's in the mood and has that kind of Law of Friend talent) I was a little stoked to find this new home built by Satoshi Akada.
via Wanken (kind of an appropriate title for this post...)
Is that a jungle on top of a Brutalist house?!  Fuck yes, please! 



And that must be an angel descending from the heavens so we can play with the Slip 'N Slide on the lawn!  My bathing suit is already in an excruciatingly painful wedgie just thinking about it!


You grow all UP on that concrete wall, Vine, because that's what you were made to do!  BE your vine-ness!!  

Now, if a dude wants to shave The Last Supper into his pubic hair I don't really care because it's not my business or my body.  But after seeing this place, I can say I definitely prefer my buildings to look like the landscaper apocalypse happened about 10 years ago.  Like somehow all the gardeners and landscapers and retired seniors and high school boys that mow lawns were all strangely killed in some terrible meteor accident and yards went crazy.  But then stopped growing because I suck at maintaining my yard.

Like the scenery in I Am Legend without all the cranky vampires.  


If you're looking at these glowy Thomas-Kinkade-made-a-modern-house images thinking you're tripping on fairy juice again (you might be, I don't know your life!) don't worry - they are 3D renderings of the real thing.  They're like digital merkins, if I'm going to commit to this metaphor.

But I don't even care that they aren't real because that's how hot I am for the enchanting jungle house of modern delights.
Inside, a unicorn reads a book on an Eames lounger.


Ok maybe some things should just stay the way they are...

16 comments:

  1. The last picture looks like it needs a bikini wax!

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  2. Replies
    1. I would curtsy but I'm too busy looking prudish and sipping tea on my Slip 'N Slide.

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  3. And today I learned what a merkin is.

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    1. We're entertaining AND educational around here!

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    2. Seriously LOVING Satoshi Okada's stuff. Score!!

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  4. You're right!

    The "architecture as phallic symbol" discussion is a bit cliché and played out. Time someone turned the discussion to it's vulvic nature - bravo MS.

    Even as austere as it is (something I dig immensely), I personally think the "California Roll House" is an excellent first example.

    Anyway...

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    1. I didn't even make the vulvic comparison so I think we can tell where your mind is, PERVERT! ; ) But for serious, "land"-scaping applies to both sexes.

      I love love love both the California Roll house and the chapel - they make me squee long time. But I think I'd seen about 12 buildings back-to-back with the exact same setting and I did eyeroll a bit.

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  5. That was a brilliant piece. I look forward to Bob Borson's rebuttal.

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    1. I'm glad most architects have a well-developed sense of humor...!

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  6. I'm thinking the adornment would look quite different if the building was in Brazil.

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    1. It kinda already looks like that in top pictures... minus the tan.

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