Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The limited edition Capezio Glock would be at the top of my Amazon wish list.

I've been thinking about color a lot lately because I've also been spending a large amount of time on Mint and realized how poor I am.  Looking at interiors make me want to shop for the Ranch and Mint has shown me the agonizing truth that maybe I should skip the junk store for ONE WEEKEND.  

Mint is a dick.  

A very helpful and wonderful service that I would recommend to everyone but a total dick.

But talking about color is FREE and doesn't make me want to shop.  Well...

I don't know where this came from... 
I don't wear orange shorts under any circumstances so we'll just use this as a reference if you want to buy this.  Tangerine tango was sooo last week but I must admit that I've somehow developed this strange fascination with pale pink.  Not just any pale pink - like a ballet pink.  Kinda yellowy.  Like if you put on ballet shoes and then ran a marathon though garbage and then peed on them that's the color I'm thinking of.

Pinterest doesn't have a lot of that exact shade but in my brain it's pretty good.
David Mramor
But I have been seeing a lot of this pink and blue together lately.  [MS sidebar: Many people feel that a pale blue/seafoam minty color (unrelated to the Mint mentioned above) should have been Pantone's color of the year.  Fly wrote a fantastic piece about it.  I don't disagree.]

However this combo above kinda makes me vomit but because it's so ugly I'm weirdly drawn to it.  I even had the same feeling last May.  At least I'm consistent.  

But back to pank.

somewhere here
When I saw this the first thing my brain said was "Oh it's PRECIOUS!" and then I rushed myself to the doctor because I was afraid I'd been bodysnatched.  But seriously, very cute things should be put in that.  Cute things like lip gloss and emergency chocolates and babies' feet. (I carry them around for good luck.)

via Comablack

That's not really the right pink I want but I want to live in the Flamingo Trailer Park and just wanted you to know and then you could come visit.

J. Crew KIDS skirt. Yeah, it's for kids.
I know, right!?  Fucking dusty mauve.  Peach.  Blush.  Or Bashful depending on how recent your last viewing of Steel Magnolias was...  Whatever hesitancy I might be feeling towards the pankness was eliminated with the addition of shiny gold glittery things.  Again, I'm consistent.

In fact, I went so insane for it that I gave myself a matching manicure.

It's pinkier in person but the iphone is only so good, y'all.
I'm off the deep end!  OVARY OVERLOAD!  My original intention was grey and gold but grey made my angel hands look like the hands of a corpse and so I opted for a peachy pink so I could walk amongst the living.  This is OPI's Let's Plie and Orly's Instant Artist 24K Glitter.  I will admit - there was squeeing.

The picture really doesn't do it justice - see how other people take it to the next level. It's almost as if your body is filled with so much glitter it's leaking out of your fingertips!  OR you touched something glittery and are being infected with the disease of its glittery-ness.  I don't know, you need to work on your own back story. 

But once I saw the pink and gold I went a little crazy for the girl shit.
via designsgirl
I almost wrapped some presents like that for Christmas... Shut up, you know that's pretty and you'd like a present wrapped like that!  DON'T JUDGE ME!!!!!!

Every time I talk about uber femenine stuff I act all surprised like I just now noticed my Hello Kitty diary and weekends watching OWN.  (Note to self: don't forget to journal tonight!)

I should really just acknowledge that sometimes I can actually play the part of a girl pretty good and just let my vagina do the talking on occasion.  By talking I mean squeeing of course.

via wind + whale
But enough's enough.  It's time to shut that bitch up because a girl can only wear so many sequins before serious chaffing happens.  My years of dance recitals taught me that.  They also taught me how to wear enough stage makeup to shame a Toddler with a Tiara and how to glue your toenails back on to your toe 1 minute before your next routine.  Crafty.

I'm having some ballet flashbacks now...
via Yimmy Yayo
Yeah, I feel like I need a little more edge to pink.  

A little Black Swan to my Dirty Dancing. 

I would love to go to a pink shooting range!  via Dead Girls
A little Lethal Weapon to my Princess Diaries.  (AM I getting too old for this shit?)

'B' is for Bicycle by Peter Drew
A little graffiti to my pictures of kittens hanging in there.

Ashli Mizell
A little I don't know what metaphor this could be but this room makes me ravenous.

Jean Cristophe-Aumas via Poppytalk
And then there's this piece of awesomeness that looks new every time I look at it even three years later.

But what does all this dark and dirty edge mean for my perfectly pink and gold manicure???!??!?!?
Whadya gonna do?

Well, someone (I'm thinking a cat was involved) misplaced my gardening gloves so I had to just dive in. 

The glitter strengthened my nails (glitter nail polish is fortified with essential vitamins and minerals made from unicorn toenails) so I didn't break a nail.  I just went back inside and painted my nails all over again.  

Because that's how much I like ballet pink and gold.  

AND because unicorn toenail vitamins make my hair shiny and my vocabulary extra fucking saucy.


  1. How do you get the glitter on your nails like that? Do you snort the glitter and then pick your nose?

    Also, you may want to take your squeeing vagina to the doctor. I don't think that's normal.


    1. I just painted the tips with the glitter - super technical! (but if you're insides are coated in glitter like the Dalai Lama's then nose-picking is probably easier.)

      Doctors WISH their vaginas could squee like mine!