Chindi Rug Hack: Crafting for Masochists!

I accidentally fell into a time warp of some kind and haven't blogged in three weeks - I done got the Spring fever!  It's been a whirlwind of day job stress, Flonase and trying to get up the nerve to give myself the first real pedicure of the season.  I still haven't done that part BUT I've been spending most of my time prepping the yard and planning for some major changes in the next month or so.

Looks like I know shit about plants, right?!

This looks waaay more professional than it actually is because graph paper makes everything look very serious.  77% of a solid legal defense is because of graph paper.  It's true.  Hopefully I won't need a legal defense for some plants because I am ripping out bushes so big I had to call the utility people to make sure I don't destroy something vital.  More on all that fucking mess project later!

I did, however, finish a crafty project that took a good chunk of my last remaining wintery nights.  My hallway is getting some love this year after getting a fresh coat of paint and now we're focusing on textiles.  

Unfortunately my hallway is incredibly long and narrow which makes shopping for a runner an exercise in frustration.  I needed a runner that's 2.5' by about 15' which is ornery as hell.  I guess I could have had a piece of carpet bound but most of that shit is boring or expensive and I really just didn't want to google for twelve hours "how to get rug cheap pretty."  

However, something that is not boring or expensive is a chindi rug!  I have a soft spot for chindis (or rag rugs) since they're handmade of recycled materials and delightfully happy for all your funkiest needs.  In this case, an aggressively long hallway.

The good about chindis is that they're knotted together with warp yarn so in (my) theory I should be able to knot them all together to make one loooong chindi, right?  This is a rhetorical question because I did it.  They above picture is a picture of a "seam" but I won't tell you where it is.  Well, I guess it's obvious to me but I'm really selling this DIY and I bet dinner guests won't notice!

What you'll need is a selection of chindis - I found a bunch at Ollie's which is a local discount place kinda like Big Lots - and a disregard for your free time.  Also a yarn needle.

I didn't know I would need this but had one because I was helping my mom with some crochet knots and it came in quite useful because my fingernails were hurting.  You'll see why.

You can see some of the rug fringe on the right that I'm untying, separating the warp and then retying into smaller knots to the opposite rug.  You'll need that yarn needle.  I tried to stitch the rugs together and then just duct taping them together and and then I tried tying them together without untying the fringe knots and nothing really worked well.  

I don't even know why I'm explaining to you how to do this like it's a real tutorial because no one else in the history of DIYing would ever do this.  Hell, I may never do this again.

This is less than a foot of knots.  I unknotted then reknotted about 10 feet of this.  WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?!  I musta been drunk on the fact that these rugs were less than $4 each because this took a long ass mothafuckin time.  Feel free to call me Unbreakable Lacy Sauce because with enough delusion and Netflix, anything is possible.

BUT at the end of it I've forgotten all the pain and the stiff neck and the nights my friends were out partying and I was home alone on the couch underneath a pile of stinky rags because I think it turned out decently (for a $25 investment).

Sorry, poor hallway lighting.

It's a little wonky at the bottom (that was my first one) and I wish it was 8 inches wider but we all have wishes.  

Best of all, now Charlemagne can run up and down the hallway with some traction rather than look like she's Wile E. Coyote running in place.

Pardon the hairball, there was a small window of time when you're photographing cats and it's shedding season.

She would walk NEXT TO the rug for a few weeks but finally has felt okay walking on top of it and dare I say napping on it.  I've since added a rug pad to help it stay put since it drifts on top of the hardwood when we play chase.

So am I happy that I have a rug in this space?  Yes, I want Julie Andrews to add chindis to her list of favorite things.  Would I do this again or encourage someone else to do it?  Only if you're recently unemployed and have nothing to occupy your time and mildly hate yourself.

Just kidding.  Kind of.

If you like to inflict pain on yourself are you a sadist or a masochist?  Or maybe just a character from the Scarlet Letter?

But I bet I have prettier floor coverings than the puritans.

Ranch updates and $KILLET KORNBRED

It ain't always glittery decor fun times and glamorous shopping trips here at the Ranch.  It's real life.  And a real life design blogger/house renovator is full of boring and tedious things in case you were confused by reading other blogs.  Sometimes I am.  

So here's an update about all the boring things I've been doing so far this winter that may result in nice things later.  Or maybe just needed to get done.

First up: the hallway.  My hallway hasn't been painted in about seven years so I figured it was time.  It's also time to give it some art and a rug and generally make it look like a real space and not just a forgotten space.  I think about 50% of my house is a "forgotten space" so I should probably look into that next...

After I painted my bedroom I wanted to connect it to the hallway in the name of continuity!  And I had some paint leftover.  So the hallway went from a weird dark brown to Valspar's Forest Canopy.  Now it looks like my hallway just couldn't contain itself and spilled over into my bedroom.

Sorry for shitty picture.  It's the same color and looks good, swearsies.

YOU CANNOT CONTAIN ME, NARROW SPACE!

Charlemagne cannot resist a camera or opportunity to sit even three inches higher.

When I first moved in and started working in my house rooms were made livable renovated really far apart so they're kinda disjointed.  Looking to fix that in the future.

The hallway took way longer to paint than I had wanted because the weekend weather got unseasonably warm.  Last year at this time was the Ice Hell in Atlanta and the South, remember?  This year, 60 and sunny.  Because of such glorious weather I decided to get a jump start on my yard projects

I know how to mulch but I only had one bag on hand.  Leniency, please.

I'm spreading the gospel of the Plant Swap/Charity and nabbed these mature Aucubas from a friend's house.  They were cut down for removal purposes and half dead so I hope they survive because I think I threw my back out digging these holes.  Hell, one root nub was too heavy for me to even lift so I drug it from the other end of my house to this spot.  You'd think I'd learn by now.

But what the Madame giveth, she also taketh awayeth.

After much deliberation I put four holly bushes out of their misery.

The small one.

Actually it was MY misery because I loathe these plants.  They were huge - the largest about eight feet in diameter - and almost too tall to trim.  Which they needed often.  And every time that happened I would come away scratched and bleeding.  Makes for a cranky Madame.  

Burn in hell, assholes.

I sprayed the exposed branches with Round-Up and in a few weeks/months a pair of strong young men will come and rip the entire stump mess from the ground with some chains and an F350.  Or just me and a nice friend because we are cheaper.  I love demo.  New landscaping will happen this Spring so YAY!  Buying my chiropractor visits in bulk!

I was hesitant to cut them down because they are probably 50+ years old and that seems wrong BUT then I talked to some smart plant people and they said holly bushes are considered invasive (you can see all those miserable runners on the ground up above) and a pest.  OOOHHH well in that case, buh bye.  There were also SEVERAL privet "weeds" (see in top pic) and other shitty vines growing inside the bush which grew at different rates than the holly itself and required different trimming schedules so fuck all y'all, we done.  

There were whole ecosystems inside the holly bushes apparently but being within Charlemagne's reach was not a smart real estate decision, birds.  I'm doing this for your future!

In news of garden projects that I can actually handle, I took a class and made a miniature garden!

The Barn Nursery (a local garden center for you non-locals) offered a fairy/miniature garden class.  I have no desire to put a fairy having tea and flipping through their miniature ipad in a garden but some people built swing sets and houses and lakes and all kinds of shit.  I just wanted to go because they had free moss, rocks and dirt.  FREE DIRT?!  This is what being a homeowner does to you.

Besides, I already had some gnomes at home (my Christmas gnomes from Salt and Ginger!) that needed a home the other eleven months of the year.  

I didn't do a succulent planting because I have enough of those and why not try something different?  So I tried things with, like, real leaves and shit.

I also started some cuttings from my rosemary bush last Fall and look how good these roots are doing?!

These will go in pots this weekend and hopefully all 6 cuttings I started will grow up nice and healthy.  Please pray for me.  Maybe I should get some gnomes for them too.

When I'm not communing with nature and/or mass murdering plants, I've been purging inside my house.  I've been undergoing a massive closet and beauty supply purge, supplying Goodwill for the next year and generally trying to avoid the allure of thrifting and junkin.  

More closet updates later, I'm sure.

Switched to all velvet hangers (and after the purge) I have sooo much space in my closet now.  Let's not talk about the sweaters...

I'm practically living life like a monk!  

Almost...  

I couldn't quite eliminate ALL thrifting and did acquire a couple of these vintage Biltons ironstone dishes for under a dollar and they are amazing.

Those are brown specks, not blood spatter...

Of course, I can't find any more to buy on ebay and the only plates I found where about $20 a piece so thanks for nothing.  This is my punishment for shopping when I shouldn't have.

In other kitchen "news" I got a cast iron skillet for Christmas this year!  So metal.  I asked for one because everyone - Mormon moms to hipsters to grandmas - seem to have one and rave about it so it seemed like the right thing to do.

What the MS Ranch looks like now.

I must say it's heavier than hell and it seems to require a nightly rub down and is more moisturized than my skin so I'm not sure I made the right request from Santa.  Did I?  I WANT THE $KILLET KORNBRED!

$KILLET KORNBRED is the name of my neo-bluegrass Insane Clown Posse cover band.

Hey, y'all remember when we talked about a haunted pirate house in California that kept burning down called the Cliff House?  Well a reader happened to see the postcard I included and sent it to me!

How cool is that?!  Thank you, J.  I have such great readers.  Please buy my $KILLET KORNBRED album when it drops.

You may also remember that I started working on organizing my jewelry last Fall and I finally have a solution!  We'll talk jewelry trays next week.  See?  I have follow-through!

The life of homeowner: full of destruction and sparkles and mild to moderate procrastination.

Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's butter face.

You guys really got to the heart of my New Year's post a few weeks ago: proper moisturization (taint or otherwise). My face has been struggling this year and it probably has something to do with getting older or that I'm mutating X-Men style into a new race of desert people.

If you're anything like me (an unnaturally dry Eve of mutant peoples?) then maybe you could use some help this winter too.  Below is everything I've been using and recently recommended to me and please throw in you favorite moisturizers in the comments so we can be moist and dewy together.

Currently I'm using Extract Face Cream from Good Fortune Soap (a Chattanooga company).  Not greasy, has hyaluronic acid (super moisturizing and you can buy it in pill form surprisingly), gets the job done, excellent base.

I layer that with Goldenseal Moisturizing Cream from Sleepy Hollow Herb Farm (another local company).  I LOVE the Goldenseal moisturizer and recommend it to everyone, local or not.  They grow their own Goldenseal which is some kind of magic herb and it's great for all kinds of skin issues - eczema to bug bites.  It's really calming and soothing to my angry face.

I bought Shikai Borage Dry Skin Therapy on a whim a few years ago when I was having MAJOR skin problems and it was amazing.  Angry face became incredibly happy face.  Apparently borage oil is the shit but now I can only find this stuff online.  I expect it to be discontinued soon.

At night I usually follow all that with some tamanu oil which I know I've talked about before and still use and love.  I usually layer multiple moisturizers even in the summer so the fact that I do this shouldn't reflect on the quality of these products.  I have not-great skin that requires a lot of attention - more than I'm willing to give, honestly - so I'm not a one-product gal.  

But even this layers-of-flavor-strategic-moisturizing didn't work this year. At the end of the day it looks like I have a mild sunburn the way my face is flaking off.  I had to take matters into my own hands and go to the ModSauce Ranch Laboratories.  Shea butter is heaven on my body so why not my face, right?!  So I melted a couple of ounces of raw shea butter with an ounce of a mixture of Josie Maran Argan Oil and tamanu oil then whipped all that into a cream.  Everybody just has that stuff laying around in their medicine cabinet, right?  

Well I was bragging about my luxurious new face cream when my Twitter friend and beauty guru Genie of @EBArchDesign yelled at me about putting shea butter on my face because it can cause breakouts.  Well, double damn!  I thought I had solved the world's problems!

Don't tell her but I still use it sometimes and haven't had any breakouts.  But I did promise to graduate to more "adult" products.  Use shea butter at your own risk, apparently.

Fortunately I DID find some Clinique Moisture Surge, $39, in the back of my bathroom closet and have been loving it the past week or so.  Past me was very smart to buy it then I guess I got dumb in the summer and forgot about it.  Goes on like a gel so if you need moisture but hate the greasy, sticky feel then this is your jam.

Genie did recommend some things to me including Hydraluron, $20, which is the purest form of hyaluronic acid so there's that.  I've been looking for a serum to wear under my moisturizer so this will probably be my next purchase.  

She also recommended Kiehl's Midnight Recovery Concentrate ($46), Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair ($92 and I think a cult favorite) as well as this La Roche-Posay Cicaplast Accelerator Pro Recovery ($18).  She said it was developed for burn victims so I'm guessing it should be good enough for my chapped face.

A Ms. Anonymouse commented on that post about her love of Josie Maran's Argan Infinity Cream Oil, $28, which sounds heavenly.  The creamy oil part intrigues me.  What kind of magic science is that?  

Jamie, another sweet commenter suggested a moisturizer with urea in it like Udderly Smooth, $15.  Urea is like the store brand name of urine but don't freak out.  I KNOW I remember supermodels back in the 90's - probably on Oprah - talking about how the get up in the morning, pee on a wash cloth and then press it to their faces for their beautiful complexions.  If Linda Evangelista can have a pee face then gawddammit we can too!  

I think Udderly Smooth is made for the body but they say it can go on your face fine.  Don't get snooty, pee face.  I kinda like the idea of having ONE jar of something and being able to use it from head to toe.  

I use a mixture of stuff on my body depending on what smell I want but it usually involves a butter.  I make my own mix of shea butter and available oils (do you sense a trend?) based on this basic ratio.  I recently came across this recipe using coconut oil and coconut butter and it also sounds divine.  

I love the way coconut oil smells/feels but don't like its moisturizing qualities alone.  I actually use it to remove my makeup and it feels so luxurious.  But mixed with cocoa butter?  I needed to research.  So I bought some good, old-fashioned Palmer's Cocoa Butter, $7, because I don't think I've ever used cocoa butter before...

Honestly, I'm rather enjoying it.  It does have mineral oil in it which I heard is bad for skin but cocoa butter smells incredible so I don't care.  I used a small tub in two weeks.  

I'm not exactly sure the difference between shea butter and cocoa butter - the internet says shea is more healing for cuts, bites, infections, etc. but cocoa butter just smells sadamn good...  Your call.

If your body skin can't find relief with shea butter, cocoa butter and/or urea then you might want to consult a professional.  I have yet to find a body moisturizer that works as good as these that is non-greasy and absorbs immediately so you are warned.  Do not try to put leggings on in a hurry after an application.  For a more light weight moisture I sometimes use Kiehl's Creme de Corps body lotion in the summer that has an SPF but I get lazy.

Don't forget the best, non-greasy salt scrub I make too since we're all DIYing all the skin things!

I don't really use a specific hand cream because I only remember to use some right before I'm going to do a very important, highly precise task like playing Operation or trying to open a bunch of tight jar lids and my greasy hands might as well be stumps for how useful they are.  However, the other day my fingernail snagged on something and when I went to undo it I realized it wasn't my nail but THE SKIN NEXT TO MY NAIL AAAAHHHHHH.  I'm like a farm animal.  BUT NO MORE!

This tiny tin of Burt's Bees Hand Salve, $6, fixed my hooves in about three days so I won't be Madame Scissorhands anymore.

I think I left of foot creams but I just put socks on and call it a day. But the Udderly Smooth is supposed to be great for feetsies.

I think that's all of the moisturization tips from myself and my helpful team of beauty gurus - thank you, ladies!  My goal is to have some part of me be slightly greasy from December through March.  Except my face but we're working on that.  *greasy fingers crossed*

I have a feeling that it might be necessary for turning this mutant desert face into a dewy, sticky visage with the help of BB creams and better liquid foundation but I can only do one thing at a time.

Leave your faves in the comments!  Happy greasing!

Update!  The loverly @AndreaWolper recommended REN's Vita Mineral Daily Supplement Moisturizing Cream and Josie Maran's Argan Daily Moisturizer SPF 47.  Thanks and noted!

Sweet dreams are made of carnivorous greens. FINALLY.

Welcome, welcome, internet friends and strangers, to my inner sanctum where all the magic happens... the sauce flows (??)... the cat gets snuggled.   

Please put on your human-sized condom before you come in.

Sadly, I realized that I "started" this project in FEBRUARY of this year which is pretty embarrassing.  However, it's pretty much looked like this for the past three or four months so blame my poor blogging skillz not necessarily my completion skillz.  Well, you might hate that part too.  It's cool.

It's a fairly small room so I didn't want to get too cluttered or dramatic.  However my initial inspiration was a 'heart of darkness/carnivorous green' vibe which really only makes sense to me.

To refresh, the headboard wall is painted Valspar's Forest Canapy and the rest of the walls are Pantone's Cloud Dancer (see process here).  Dark green was a weird choice I know but after after seven months I still love it.  If you hate it I'm not offended in the slightest.

I thought having an accent wall would feel gimmicky or trendy but it doesn't at all (yet).  This wall is part of the main load bearing wall of the house and having a dark color on it feels kinda grounding.  I'm actually going to paint the rest of the hallway this wall connects to the same color as well.  Does this sound like I'm justifying an accent wall?  Maybe.   

Cohesion is my goal for 2015.

Also, this room gets great morning sun so having the rest of the white walls makes the whole space feel really open and airy.  Like you're almost DANCING IN THE CLOUDS. Eh...?!  EH...?! *eyebrow wiggle*

Someone previously asked me about the texture of my walls which after being painted blackish green now resembles avocado skin:

Or pimples?

This is ONE coat of FLAT paint.  I can't think of a reason to ever use flat paint (vandalism?) but in this case I still get a lot of reflection from the wall texture while still having it feel velvety (not chalky) which is what I wanted.  Mission accomplished.

The opposite side of the room from the entrance is entirely closet space which seems like a great idea until you try to actually use them.  Fun fact: when I moved in the back of each door and the wall in between was covered in mirrors and a light installed above them to make a sort of threeway mirror "dressing room" when you open the doors.  

I can't decide if that's totally fucking weird or totally fucking smart...

Does a boring nun live here?

This room was also covered in a dirty beige paint color (in part due to nicotine stains) and a country blue duck wallpaper border that took weeks to clean off thanks to the avocado skin wall texture.  I also removed an ugly ceiling fan sticky with cigarette filth.  Unfortunately, the ceiling fan was actually holding up the ceiling and the heavy plaster began to sag and slowly collapse.  I held it up with a ladder and stacks of magazines while I lived in the guest room. 

Eventually I was able to have one of them fancy sheetrock ceilings put in so I wouldn't die from a plaster avalanche.  Ah, the joys of home improvement.

Castle print courtesy of an antique store and a vintage science illustration in a Ribba frame all from my large treasure closet (horde) of goodies.

Ignore the white streak, it's a bitch and a half to remove.

The hamper is a vintage African woven basket I got at a local antique mall for about $50.  A sound investment, I say.  Curtains are IKEA's Vivan sheers and the grey side panels are Aina.  I cannot say how grateful I feel that IKEA now has white curtain rods AND curtain hooks that work in all of their curtains.   Really classin' the joint up.  I'm not really a big fan of puddling curtains but I'm even less a fan of hemming ten panels so here we are.

Fortunately I have an entire wall of windows opposite my bed.  Even better is that I have a low roof over my patio and a privacy fence beyond that because I never close the sheers when I change.  If my neighbors see anything it's their own fault that they will have to deal with in their own nightmares.  

But I do have a nice patio view which I try to not enjoy while topless.  Too often...

Charlemagne loves to hang out in the herb garden.

Back inside it's less colorful but still just as much IKEA.  I'm soooo glad I went with the two side-by-side 4 drawer Malms.  I use every single one of the drawers and the height is perfect.   

I had dreams of making wooden handles through a local craftsmen because I do rather hate the ergonomics of pulling out these drawers but kinda ran out of money and inclination.  Sometimes when you try to class up IKEA too much it's like putting lipstick on a Swedish pig.  

Maybe small leather pulls?  I'll probably get around to doing that when I hem the curtains... 

Hey remember when I tried to get a vintage lamp fixed but could never get to the lighting store because they kept Christian hours?  Well that still is true.  I found this navy one at a discount store cuz I thought it would coordinate and balance the dark green wall.  I then took it to Target to get a shade only to realize it was actually a Target lamp.  Which I apparently got for about $7 cheaper at the discount store.  Obviously my bargain hunting skills are unprecedented.

The mirror came from my mom's basement and included some angel stickers I had to scrape off.  Guess that means I'm no longer blessed when I look in the mirror.  EXCEPT BY MY OWN STUNNING VISAGE.

The horns I found at an estate sale for cheap.  Those are always the best places for weird shit because the usual demographic steers clear of dead things.  I always get a few "ew" remarks when I'm in line.  Well, look at them now, judgey grandmas!  It's great to stand at the mirror and feel like you're playing a game of chicken with a dead animal.

Besides, the horns are slightly lopsided in the exact way my boobs are so it was meant to be.  A friendly reminder from Jeebus every morning that I'm special (or that my deformed corpse might be hung on someone's wall over cheap furniture when I'm dead?).

Um... here is a collection of things.  That's about it.  Trying to not clutter up my dresser top too much because I'm a clutter lover by nature. 

This succulent is an Ox Tongue - a low light plant that's lasted six months so far so I'd say it's a survivor.

Over here we have a Jade snake plant and a pothos variety called N' joy (I think).  Fun fact: that's also the name of a line of sex toys which called for much smirking when I bought it from the hippies at the market.   Both also going strong.  The plants not the sex toys.

I tried a Calathea but it didn't fare so well.  RIP, little jungle guy.  You were loved for your brief stay here at the Ranch.

The big white rectangle is actually, well, it IS a big white rectangle but it's really there as a 'study of texture.'  *makes gagging noise at myself*

It was actually a shirt that I accidentally ripped open one day while trying to walk through my front door (I swear I wasn't drunk).  I really liked the fat embroidery so I cut out the center medallion and added some decorative trim at the top and bottom from the sleeves and taped it all together with duct tape.  Why am I not a Pinterest superstar?

As "art" it's about as interesting as a bowl of milky rice covered in zzzzzzz but it fills the space without distracting me from staring at my own GLORIOUS VISAGE when I'm looking in the mirror playing chicken with the horn god.

My fave necklace needed a special place for display and easy access.  

Overall I'm fairly pleased with how the room feels right now.  It ain't winning any awards but it's surprisingly close to my mood board.  Most importantly it's very peaceful and quiet which is what I wanted most.  It's not 100% where I'd like it - maybe a new lamp, more emerald and green accents, different art, FUR EVERYWHERE - but everything is always in progress and those things can happen organically later.  

Sometimes I just get tired of spending money on a project and want to move on.  Besides, Christmas is practically tomorrow and I have ten jizzillion other projects to tackle.

And by tackle I mean 'glitter.'  

I... made some collages of details.  Can't decide if that's narcissistic or just being a Virgo.  Besides, it never hurts to give Mr. Moroccan pillow some additional time in the spotlight.  Nightstand is BM's Collinwood if you remember.

Really I just wanted my little piece of amethyst to get some special time in the light.

Mostly-dead air plant did NOT get his time in the spotlight for obvious, mostly-dead reasons.

And although keeping a simple room means I tend to keep it cleaner, my nightstand does look like this fairly often:

Just keeping it real with y'all.

And I'm not exactly sure about the overall cost of everything but I think the total was about $800.  That seems like a lot of money considering what we just looked at but it includes all the paint for the walls and nightstand, two dressers and glass top, all new curtains and hardware, the rug, two lamps, a bedskirt, two new shams and bed pillows (it was time), the hamper and the DIY headboard.  Everything else I already had or was repurposed from things I already had.

Actually now that I list it all that seems like a lot for a little, yes?  

Just imagine what I could have done with A THOUSAND DOLLARS!  

Stay tuned in 2017 when I finally get my hallway painted the same shade of carnivorous green!  Just in time to change my bedroom color...

Sweet dreams.