Saturday, February 13, 2010

Go for the gold, you Canadian Pokemons. Go for the gold.

Madame Sunday happens to be one of those losers who adores the Olympics.  My body, while naturally sensuous and graceful of course, looks like a palsied Frankenstein when forced into competion.  I'll just stick to what I do best - being eyecandy and in complete awe of all those athletes.  And kudos to those Olympic tv marketing people who know exactly how to make me cry on command.  Seriously.  Before the opening ceremonies even started I cried during 'We Are the World' (more out of embarassment when they autotuned Lil Wayne) and then when they dedicated the ceremonies to the Georgian athlete that died in a training excercise today.  Even the long snowboarding run in the opening credits with the inspirational music made me choke up.  Christ it's gonna be a long week.

What does make me happy though is the overall branding for the Olympics including the emblem Ilanaaq (above), the Paralympic emblem and particularly the design for the mascots.  Based on local Canadian animals and legends, they are a Hello Kitty-inspired band of houligans made of sugar, snowflakes and Eskimo kisses.  First is Miga, a sea bear (I have no idea what that is) that lives in the ocean near Vancouver.

Upon further investigation it seems that a sea bear is a First Nation (that's native Aboriginal Canadians) mythical creature that is half killer whale and half Kermode spirit bear.  Miga enjoys surfing in the summer and snowboarding in the winter, his favorite food is salmon, favorite color is forest green and his dream is to land a corked 720 in the half-pipe.  Part of that is completely made up (not by me) but I'll let you figure out which part.

Joining Miga is Quatchi, a young sasquatch from the mysterious forests of Canada. 

Quatchi is shy but loves to meet new friends.  He dreams of being a hockey goalie but his large size and clumsy nature get in the way sometimes.  Hobbies include hockey (naturally), photography and travel and his favorite color is chill blue.  I bet you can make him your Facebook friend.

To finish out this trifecta of cuteness is Sumi.

Sumi is an animal spirit that lives in the mountains of British Columbia.  He embodies the spirit of transformation popular in First Nation legends by wearing the hat of the orca whale, flying with the wings of a thunderbird and running on the legs of a black bear.  He is also the mascot of the Paralympic Games.  When Sumi is not being the guardian of the local flora and fauna he enjoys Alpine skiing and flying over the Coast Mountains.  His favorite food is hot cocoa and his favorite color is fern green.

Oh no.  Georgia just walked in the parade of nations.  Here come the tears again...


Back to more cuteness:  I know you are most likely dying to become friends with these dudes but you'll have to get in line because they already have a sidekick/stalker.  His name is Mukmuk.

Mukmuk is a marmot who loves to hibernate and sunbathe on rocks.  He loves eating, burrowing and making friends.  His favorite thing to do when he's not dining on ferns or berries is telling the world about his fellow marmots.  Berry orange is his favorite color.

These designers are absolute geniuses.  I wish I could be paid for making up fake lives for cartoon characters.  Stephenie Meyer did however get royally screwed because her characters from the Pacific Northwest were somehow not included.  I guess it's for the best since Quatchi would have definitely been a Cullen lunch.

Aside from the absence of sparkly immortals and shapeshifting hotties I give a virtual high five to Vancouver for the giant glowing bear, a mash-up of tap-dancing and fiddle-playing punk lumberjacks,a Canadian poetry slam and kd lang. 

I think I'm gonna cry again...


  1. You teased me with "palsied Frankenstein" but Squatchie sealed the deal. Plus the Pokemon reference.

  2. I like to make you work for it. I can't just give this shit away all in the first paragraph!