Friday, February 26, 2010


Yesterday Ree Drummond - The Pioneer Woman - was on GMA cooking up a storm morning-talk-show style.  I really enjoy reading her site because she seems like a lady that really knows how to cook onions in butter and make other foods that are delicious and I can appreciate that kind of fabulosity. Also she's a blogger that has somehow managed to become rich and famous and I think we all know that is exactly what’s happening to me so I need to be prepared and start building my network of fellow famous friends who know how to navigate the interwebs. I think 2010 is going to be the year of the Domestic-Bloggess-Making-It-Big. I guess we already had Julie & Julia, The Pioneer Woman and her cookbook, Dooce and her HGTV show, I think even Barefoot Foodie gets paid... and there are other domestic bloggesses that are popping up all over our house porn mags. There's probably a bunch of ones I'm forgetting or don't know anything about like the tons of mommy bloggesses that are probably making appearances on Oprah but I can only take so much of ladies talking about the hilarious chaos of dinner time or how tired they are ALL the time but it's soo worth it because their kids just say the darndest things!  It's not in any way the same as reading over and over about the depths of MY fabulosity and Charlemagne's wacky antics.

Pioneer Madame.  I went natural with the hair because I'm roughing it as a pioneer.
Tiger Woods would totally hit that.

For the record I don't want to be on GMA doing anything except possibly cuddling with George Stephanopoulos and skipping down 5th Ave with Sam Champion. Robin Roberts seems like a cool lesbian lady but Madame Sunday doesn't shoot hoops so I don't think we really have anything in common. Juju I don't know anything about you so you are dead to me. Just like those fucktards over at the Today Show. But Oprah has only about a year left so if I'm going to make it big and lead the life of luxury in private (I guess being Tiger’s mistress is out! Or is it…? I’m white, halfway attractive in a cartoonish sort of way and very very discreet…) I need to move on to another career choice that doesn't involve ending my current one in a rain shower of bullets and a collaged suicide note written in blood, tears, House Beautiful clippings and Pantone swatches.  I need to start having some good ideas about my future that aren't related to unicorns, monster cocks or ninjas. But seriously - how awesome would that book be right?! Bestseller at the Urban Outfitters book table NO DOUBT.

It would help for instance if I could offer the world something worthwhile AND awesome like the Pioneer Woman's amazing recipe for the best lasagna in the world. Here at Modernsauce we like to focus on the cheesy top crust of delicious nonsense, although I would like to think there are meaty layers beneath that if you pretend look hard enough and are not distracted by octopussies. Or baby otters.


A meaty layer from The Pioneer Woman

I’m not shittin you this lasagna is awesome and you need to go here now for the recipe because I’m not a recipe reprinter/stealer of my future famous friends. I would double the amount of mozzarella because why they fuck not? Other than that I wouldn’t change anything and I change EVERYTHING in recipes because I always know best. Normally I like my lasagna really saucy because that’s where the flavor is but the way you cook the meat in this recipe brings so much flavor you don’t even need all that sauce crap. Wait. This metaphor is going horribly awry!! Sauce is delicious and fabulous and you can never have enough. This recipe sucks actually. I spit on you and your amazing lasagna Ree!! Even if you do take pretty pictures of horsies on your farm. They may not have horns that touch my soul but I would still like to come to your farm and pet them and then eat anything else you make besides your pathetic sauceless lasagna.

from The Pioneer Woman

Viva la (modern)Sauce!


  1. Love this! I just started reading the P. Woman's blog about a month ago. I like to read her recipes, but never attempt them for myself for several reasons 1) Some of them are complicated as hell, 2)My arteries harden a little each time I just read the recipes... (and that's saying a lot since I have arteries already pre-lubed with fillet-o-fish grease)

  2. If your arteries are already pre-lubed then I think that means the new fatty stuff just slides right through. It's healthier actually. A fish fillet a day keeps the doctor away!