Monday, December 7, 2009

Beautifully sad Dutch interiors?? Aaaas youuuuuu wiiiiiiiiish...

We're getting to the point in December when I go to work it's dark and cold as fuck and when I leave work it's dark and cold as fuck.  Do I live in the arctic circle or something??  Christ.  So the seasonal affective disorder is starting to kick in and I'm feeling all dark and moody and dead on the inside.  Needless to say these tragically beautiful pictures of the home of Monique Meij-Beekman courtesy of Desire to Inspire (where else?) really piqued my interest.  My sad Dutch emo interest.   These rooms would work with this song - singular and haunting.  The lyrics aren't right but you really can't understand what he's saying to we're cool.

I can't make up my mind whether or not I'm taking these picture and song pairings seriously or if I'd rather just make fun of the pictures.  Can it be both??  Let me know which you like better dear readers!  Or do you care?  PLEASE TELL ME YOU CARE!!!!!!!  But I might ignore you anyway.

Chandelier, white farmhouse table and tufted chairs??  I like this scandanavian country noir-thing going on!  I want to run around this place in a tattered ivory chiffon ballgown and cowboy boots.  My face will be streaked with tears and mascara because my lover Nikolaas has betrayed me and I am lost without him.  LOST I TELL YOU!!!!!!   I will tragically pick out the notes of our favorite song on the old piano until I'm too overcome with grief and longing and then I'll dramatically throw myself (in slow motion) on the reclaimed wood floors and sob into the handkerchief he gave me at the market that day.  It's all I have to remember him by.  That and the all the nights of unending soul-stirring passioniate lovemaking. 

Oh... uh... can you have a margarita and chips and salsa in this kitchen or do they only serve tepid water and gruel?  "Please sir, can I have some more?"  Seriously it's like abandoned shack chic.  Love it.

That sink looks really conducive to food preperation.  AND I WANT ONE NOW!!!!!

Is that a portal to Hades???  Don't get too close or the vortex will suck you in!!  Actually there was a mirror in it but I couldn't bear to look at myself without Nikolaas by my side so I shattered it in a fit of rage and self-loathing.  Now it is empty and black - just like my heart without Nikolaas.

Is this a fireplace?  Is that round circle thingy a flamethrower like those flame spuds from the fire swamp in the Princess Bride?  Warm I guess but sightly problematic Ms. Decorator Lady.  I hate to burst your grey bubble but I'm pretty sure that giant charcoal bean bag chair (a sad sack?) and its inhabitants will be obliterated when the flamethrower comes on you overpaid fucktard.  Maybe the bean bag is just the bed for the rodents of unusual size!! (I'm still keeping with the Princess Bride references)   The skull hanging on the wall is the last rodent who didn't get out of the way fast enough.  Nikolaas loved unusually-sized rodents. 

Again with the soap.  Maybe all the dark walls are actually just charred sooty residue from the flame spud fireplace.  A little soap and years of elbow grease can take care of that!!  I think my soul would feel a little dirty after staying here a few days.  What cleans that huh?  WHAT CLEANS THAT???!!!!  sob, sob, sob...

Wow.  Nothing says serious romance and hot dirty sex like this bedroom.  I'm turned on already by those wrinkled sheets and dirty headboard.  Seems more like this is the place where someone would self mutilate.  With the broken shards of a mirror.



  1. the song is great. the voice reminds me of Nina Simone, and that is a good thing. The rooms...not so great. They made me sad. If I ever need a reason to cry on cue, I'll remember these pics.

  2. Who lives in this. Although part of me loves the grey color cause well, its winter and old and grey comes to mind. However I want to throw a shining green and blue pillows on that bed, some deep red in that cold sofa and well you get the point.... Song love it and want to see a fabulous modern dance number to it.

  3. Um, this post is genius. I know you're heartbroken and all, but the poetry + trenchant design commentary is a win.

    1. Thanks! I should return to this winning post design if these spaces didn't make me so emo.