Madame Sunday? How about QUEEN Sunday!!!!!

There came a point in my life when it was necessary that I understand what forces of the universe came together to produce that which is myself.  What unique blend of glitter, sarcasm and inbreeding did it really take?  So like any curious person with some disposable income and an internet connection I started researching my family tree.  I know it's a hobby that's usually reserved for 60 year olds and their quilting circles but I'm gonna bring it a whole new generation of foul-mouthed twenty-somethings.  Check out this pedigree chart muthafuckas!!!!!! 

One side of the family I've been lucky with and other people have already done all the work.  Thank you ancestry.com.  Apparently I've decended from a long line of douchbags from England who used to manage King Charles' books 500 years ago like some kind of librarian or secretary or something.  I don't really know exactly but that explains the sense of entitlement and anal-retentive tendencies.  One ancestor immigrated to this country working as a glass blower - I'm guessing that was the 18th century equivalent of glitter.  I'm just going to go ahead and put it out there that he may have been gay.  Actually I'm going to say that yes he was absolutely homosexual.  I've always loved people of the rainbow and now I know that it's in my genes.  The rest of that family were all baptist ministers.  That explains the repression and need to judge others.

The other side of the family was a sassy mix of dirt poor farmers and horse thieves.  Ok I made up the part about the horse theives but being dirt poor farmers is not very exciting.  I'm going to guess that generations and generations of being poor probably made some people kinda bitter so that accounts for the sarcasm and aversion to manual labor.

But all this fabulosity pales in comparison to the story of these guys.  They are two brothers who live in a cave outside of Budapest.  They just inherited billions from their long lost grandmother.  That's with a 'B'.

FUCK YOU YOU MANGY LOT OF HORSE THIEVES AND GAY-ASS GLASS BLOWERS!!!!!  That is all you have for me - sarcasm and plowing techniques??  I need to stop blogging right now and get to the library asap and find that billionaire relative.  I know there had to be some serious fucking going on in that 16th century kind's court so I think it's safe to say that I'm more than likely a descendant from the bastard child of a king.   Maybe something like this will happen:

I may not live in a cave but it is a shithole sooo....

 

I'm just sitting here ready to go...

Whenever you're ready...

Sweet, generous, possibly dead long lost relative...

Just a million is fine too...

Whenever you're ready...