Thursday, December 17, 2009

I couldn't NOT talk about this even if making fun of it makes me a heartless bitch

We made the national news!  If you consider dlisted news.  Which I totally do. 

Apparently a 4-year-old right here in Chattavegas grabbed a cold one from the fridge, escaped from his house and went on a crime spree around the neighborhood.  First he broke into a neighbor's house and stole some presents from underneath their Christmas tree.  After opening the gifts he discovered one was a stylish brown dress which he of course put on for more rebel rousing in the neighborhood.  Booze makes us do crazy things.  The police found him loitering in the streets trying to do bad things so he could go to jail to be with his daddy.  I couldn't make this shit up. 

from here
Like this but less Asian, more tranny and a LOT more redneck.  And waaay more sad.

I don't think he was trying to get arrested though I think he was trying to come visit me after he read my post on my love of gender ambiguity. I could definitely lead him into the light just like I did with all those sexually confused boys in high school. That's not a gross euphemism for sleeping with them or anything I meant the glitter stage light of the Gayness. Spread your wings my little butterflies!!!!

And isn't it weird to see your local news anchors on a national level? I mean it's exciting because people from your little piece of the world are famous for like two seconds but it's so embarrassing that these hicks with bad lighting are representing you. Like when you run into a friend while out shopping with your parents and you're excited for them to meet until you realize that your mom is wearing pink crocs, sweatpants and a bikini top with a confederate flag over each boob. You're used to seeing that parental hot mess but then you see her through your friends eyes and you panic and start making excuses and trying to explain that we're not racists and she just thought it was the Union Jack regardless of how many times you try to explain otherwise.

I wish dlisted would be my news anchor.  I would at least be embarrassed for a whole other set of reasons unrelated to the war of northern aggression and my mom's boobs.

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