SPF gloves and poncho.

You know being fabulous is hard.  It's hard to handle intense adoration from strangers.  Hard to carry the weight of being a muse to so many.  Hard to spend all this money to look this cheap.  Dolly I know you know what I'm talking about sistah.  


But one thing that will be easy is not having to worry about is keeping my flawless porcelain skin from getting sunburned this summer.  I've found the perfect outfits for a fun-filled vacation on the beach full of sun, sand and awkward jazzercizing! 

Better start off with some weird stretches in a cape and tights before the real workout begins!  It's just what Denise Austin recommends to not injure yourself.

Gawd I feel so free (and sweaty) I think I'll do some high kicks in my ruffled leg warmers/spats? and stilettos!  Weeeeeeee!!  And KICK-2-3-4!  And KICK-2-3-4!

Ooh that was intense.  I'm gonna rest a minute and let the hoards of people around me just stand and admire my fabulosity.  No matter that I'm doing the pee pee dance and about to wet myself.  This is what my fans want: to bask in the glory of Madame Sunday in belted high waisted (knit?) shorts over leggings with three sweaters tucked into them.

Look!  I'm like a palm tree wrapped in knit bandages!  Ahahahahahah!   Beach charades are so much fun!

Yeah. I'm wearing a beanie and open-toed boots and saggy-assed sweater pants.  But at least I'm keeping the skin cancer at bay.

And we're lunging!  And lunging!  And lunging!  Keep those knees up ladies!  Don't let those Hogwart's capes or oversized military boots hold you back!

December 09 Elle scans from here

Wow that was a great workout.  I'm just gonna do some neck rolls to cool down a little.  I'm absolutely glistening that I'm sure has nothing to do with wearing 4 sweaters and fingerless gloves and everything to do with my ability to enjoy some beach fun without the worry of tacky tan lines!  That would look positively ridiculous!