Sunday, March 21, 2010

I, Madame Sunday, grant thee a delicious pardon.

Ok. Things got a little heated a few days ago and I just want you to know that you’re forgiven. I know you were really excited about the green campaign and got carried away.  It's okay - I understand.  So being the bigger person in this relationship I decided to forgive you of all your sinful ways. But let’s never forget who the HMIC is y’all! (that’s Head Madame In Charge)

Just to prove that all is well and we truly are internet BFFs I’m sending you some virtual cookies courtesy of Natalie’s Killer Cuisine. She always has the most amazing-looking concoctions made of chocolate, sugar, butter and other carb-related ingredients. She has other recipes involving meat and vegetables but those don’t dangerously spike your blood sugar or adequately express my feelings to you like these do.

If it’s possible to lady cream dulce de leche I totally just did.

To make the filling you put an unopened can of sweetened condensed milk in a pan of boiling water for about 4 hours. What. The. Fuck?!  Is that even possible?  I may have found a new level of sugar nirvana where Jesus and Buddha descend from the cloud heavens on the back of a unicorn and present these cookies on a diamond-encrusted tulip table. I have been known to eat spoonfuls of sweetened condensed milk just straight from the can, or poured it on toast, bathed in it, poured it in a pillowcase to cuddle with it, etc.  And Natalie just made it brown-ier and Italian-ier? Jesus and Buddha you guys better save me a seat because I just died and am going back with you to that deeelux apartment in the sky-yy.

Who am I kidding? I’m totally knocking those dudes off and stealing the unicorn to go joyriding while I pour the warm dulce de leche all over my royal body!  But I have no upper body strength so I would probably just weakly girl-punch them with no effect instead of the full-blown ninja assault that I'm imagining in my head.  I’d have to trick them off of the unicorn by using my cunning intellect... I’d point in the distance and be like “Hey is that Glenn Beck* and Richard Gere??” and while they run over to investigate I’d totally sneak off with the unicorn and we’d fly away and play in our cookie dreams. Better luck next time King of Kings and ultimate enlightened one! Suckas.
Yeah.  This is what I did on a Saturday night...  
I drew sad faces on Jesus and Buddha but they ended up looking like bandito mustaches which was really awesome but completely irrelevant to my fantasy.  

But I included in anyway!!
In conclusion: with the help of some delicious cookies all is right between us!  Except if you are a religious icon in which case you're probably pretty mad because I stole your ride and gave you hilarious facial hair.   Might I offer you some delicious cashew cookies to make amends?

*That’s stupid. Glenn Beck is a mormon and I don't think they believe in Jesus the way normal people do. Maybe I should have said Joseph Smith and the Buddha come down from heaven. Yeah that makes much more sense.

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