Thursday, March 18, 2010

You suck, fake internet friends!

You know people, I really thought we had something here.  Something special.  Sure it was just a little knockaround blog about yurts, vaginas and unicorns but it was OURS.  Our little corner of the internet where we can look at some cool art while also making fun of conservatives at the same time.  I can't think of anything better.

But now all of that is ruined.  You've ruined it!  

I woke up yesterday to this:
Everywhere.  At first I was like "AWESOME!"  The green campaign has finally taken off! Turqoise 15-5519 TCX you are goin DOWN muthafucka!!"  But then it all just seemed a little too much.  Everyone was in on it and wearing their green flashy buttons and dancing around talking in these weird lilting accents.  WTF?  

But then I realized what happened.  You, my so-called internet "friends", went behind my back and organized an entire day dedicated to green without even telling me!!  You thievin bunch of assholes.  I know my idea is amazing but did you not think I would find out about it once it went worldwide?!   

From the fabulous Mrs. Lilien
MADAME SUNDAY started this campaign bitches and nobody even thought to email me or anything and let me know we were wearing green yesterday?!  Not even a quick email, a post-it note, a tweet, a letter tacked to my door with a green hatchet??!!  FUCK YOU internet people!!  I MADE you and this green campaign what it is and so help me Jeebus I'll unmake you!! 

Oh are these your green journals that you probably passed amongst yourselves with fun little green love notes?  I hope y'all get run over by an out-of-control green prius driven by a same sex married couple you bunch of douchebags.

This twelve year old knew about it?  Come ON!  And what's with this pinching thing if someone isn't wearing green?  We are a delusional civilized movement that doesn't resort to violence like some sort of desperate teabagger with a fake theory to prove!

And what about every bar I walked into (just a normal Wednesday pub crawl) was completely decorated with green?  Even the drinks were green!  How did you even do that?  Did you send in a highly specialized team of ninjas during the night to set all this up? 

You know I love ninjas, reptiles AND 80's references!  How could you leave me out??!!  

Even this rabid little fucker was part of the party.  Thanks a lot so-called 'friends'.   I think we could have really used his intensity to terrorize Michelle Bachmann but you had him too busy fucking around with pots and rainbows to be of any use.    He could have been our hero (in a half-shell?) but that dream went down in the sewer because of your drunken greed.

I hope you're happy.  You should think twice next time about playing with things you don't understand and leave the heavy drinking thinking to Madame Sunday and Charlemagne.  

No comments:

Post a Comment