Nick and glitternaise can fix anything. Except countertops.

It's time for another installment of Sad Rags to Rich Bitches: the ModSauce Kitchen Remodel of Amazing Awesomeness and Pizza Roll Fabulosity!  But first I'd like to welcome all of my recent new readers!  Thanks to the snark mama herself, Raina Cox of If The Lampshade Fits for her generous mention as well as the gang at Remodel Crazy.  Your fraudulent checks are in the mail.  You've all jumped into the middle of a remodel so make sure to catch up here if you're so inclined.  Or not.  It's not like you haven't witnessed Charlie Sheen unleashed from the depths of Hades to spread disaster and destruction upon a crappy 60's rancher before, right?  

Anyway, this week we started turning an empty room into a room that actually has a function!  That function is to house all my boxes of wine of course.  The gorgeous Kraftmaid cabinets from my friends at Cupboards (that's their fancy button over to the right) arrived and are making themselves comfortable in the ModSauce Ranch. 

Click images to enjoy larger amounts of fabulosity

So purty.  It smells like freshly painted wood in here and whatever intoxicating scent Kraftmaid sprays on their products.  I think it's Mario Batali pheromones or something.

These tongues are my secret corner rotating storage thingies.  I can fit a lot of pots and pans I won't use on those bad boys!  Nick, my cabinet designer, was able to put all kinds of fun rollout tongues and handy storage around the place - I just told him I'm cheap but really lazy so make it work.  And he did.  Oh, he did.

That broom needs to get all Fantasia from 1940 (not the Fantasia from American Idol 2004) and starting sweeping some shit up!  It's dirty up in herrr.

This is the stove wall.  How sweet of the contractors to stack their tools in the stove cubby so I can dance and twirl at night when they're gone.

OH COME ON!!!  Could you at least flatten them for me??!!  Guess what I'll be doing for the next six weekends...  Somebody just send me a case of hand cream now.

So in preparation for the light at the end of the kitchen tunnel, this past weekend I dug out of my hovel, borrowed a giant pick up truck and went to meet Nick in person at IKEA in Hotlanta to pick up my countertops.  It's the place that brings people together.  Specifically real people and people that are cartoon avatars.  It's like the Swedish "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"  Guess which one of us was Jessica Rabbit?  Since it was the first time I'd ever actually met someone from the internet I was pretty freaked and my face decided to grow a giant zit because of COURSE it did.  Thanks a lot, asshole face!  But in between cinnamon rolls, dirty jokes and Ektorp encounters we had a great time and he helped me finalize my countertop and hardware choices.  Pro tip: IKEA does NOT carry everything in stock at all times.  I've had plenty of furniture pieces be on backorder and the counter options I wanted were out of stock too.  Big blue box fail.  So I came home with the oak butcher block which I'm still totally happy with and: 

fluffbutt

BLADOW!!!!!  Shit fire that looks good!!  Even Charlemagne couldn't help but snoop around.

The angled cabinet at the entrance of the room looks so cute and adorable I want to violate it with my love.

The cabinets on the fridge wall aren't installed but you get the idea.  The hole is for the microwave where the pizza rolls will be prepared for the fancy guests.

And then we move to the sink.  The glorious glorious sink.

Full body squeegasm.  Where's the Fantasia broom for support when I need it??

Knowing that I was getting butcher block I assumed I would get a drop-in sink to protect the wood.  Not my favorite but, hey, I have a budget.  Trying to find a contemporary single bowl, single hole drop-in sink for $12 is nearly impossible.  I know, right???!  So weird.  I found this one which was pretty damn hot in terms of drop-in sinks but if I decided to change out the counters in a few years I figured I'd want to switch to an undermount thereby wasting the significantly larger than $12 I'd just spent on said sink of hotness.  Enter Nick to save the day.  He sent me a link to a stainless steel farmhouse sink for about $300.  I pissed my pants.  Flushmounted it'll help protect the wood a little more and the apron front will eliminate possibly damaging the wood there too.  But every sink in that style I'd seen was about a jizzillion dollars so I didn't even think it was a possibility lest I start whoring (again!) and that's really inconvenient and the hours suck.  But after a bit of internet stalking we were able find one at the perfect size - 33" long and 10" deep - at the same price.  I don't know if I can handle that much steel but I was willing to give it the old college try.

Holy hell on wheels that's pretty.  But something's not quite right...

Gawddammit.  That's a pretty big gap.  And why is it sitting so far back?  Can I even fit my faucet behind it?  How awesome does that wood look though?  Do you think if I fill it with a paste I make of glitter and mayonnaise anyone will notice??

So I call Nick.  We talk daily anyway and by this point he's become my guidance counselor and self esteem coach in addition to being my design snarkfest partner.  He reminds me I'm the one with the money and to put on my big girl panties and tell them to fix this shit because it looks like my contractor is Edward Scissorfuckclaws.  (Ok he didn't say that but I used artistic license.)

On the back of the sink.

I bet I could drop an entire pizza roll down there!!  No amount of silicone or wood filler or  glitternaise paste is going to make that almost 1/2" gap look good.  Fuck.  

After a few texts the contractors aren't seeing the problem (I guess they think their glitternaise is better than mine) so I'm meeting with the guys in the morning to discuss why I think they are going to drive two hours down to IKEA to buy a new butcher block top.  In the meantime has anybody seen my big girl panties??  And do you think glitternaise gets rid of zits?