I've been
Pretty I guess, but that looks like stone vomit to me. here |
here |
When you're poor but want granite you look at Corian:
Corian's new metallic collection here |
Speaking of quartz, it's what I really was jonesing for:
Caesarstone. Sigh... |
Now maybe at this point maybe you're all thinking about all the obvious inherent benefits to each product that might sway me like this one is more green and this one doesn't scratch but these differences are so negligible that it's pretty much a wash. They're all between roughly $40 and $80 a square foot and are durable products. "But you can totally set a boiling hot pan on this surface with no problems!!!" Omigawd that is awesome because I can't count how many times I have wished I could set a dangerous dish on any surface in my house only to be foiled by the laws of physics and common sense! If being able to set a hot pan on your counter is a selling point you might also be the type person who wishes they could leave their kids in hot cars all day because it's just so darn convenient. Buy a fucking trivet. And some birth control.
The majority of customers buy products - any product - based on color and price. That includes me. Wait - I'm not for sale (but if I was my bargain rates and delicate angel skin would be a no brainer!) I meant color and price are MY #1 concern too.
So that leaves me with laminate. According to all my "research" a low end kitchen remodel (which is what I am doing) just includes updated laminate counters.
Formica's "marble" courtesy of Cupboards |
I found some decent color choices but when I priced it out it was over $1000 for my space. Are you fucking kidding me??! For a product that I don't even really like that much?? Nick - you guys remember Nick from Cupboards right? - assured me I was getting hosed but as I stood in front of sign at Home Depot it said $15-$30 a square foot installed really WAS the price.
What's a Madame to do??! Go to IKEA and dream of course!!
Lo and behold what I found at IKE-RA (that's pronounced like 'She-Ra' because I'm now the Princess of Kitchen Power. Or 'Shakira' but with a lingonberry twang because these hips don't lie.):
Numerar, I love you. |
Fuse Interiors via Design + You |
I think that's originally from an IKEA hack forum but... via Design + You |
Seriously. That is stunning. Laminate counters everywhere just shit their pants.
But my fears weren't completely assuaged - it's soooo cheap.... is it really made of sawdust and Ektorp offal while held together with the ball paste of a jungle construction worker? So Nick and I decided to call the Queen of all IKE-RAkitchens - Becky Shankle (@ecomod) of Eco-Modernism.
Becky's specialty is fabulosity and IKE-RA kitchen things so we had a tweep collabo and conference call while I was in the middle of an Office Depot drinking some sweet tea. Fortunately she's also from the South so I could feel free to be as twangy as I wanted to be. (Is that a country song? It should be.) After a few minutes of "hey y'alls" and "how's your mommanems?" she assured us that it was a good product and I shouldn't be worried. I was totally professional though and only said one cuss word. I think... Fortunately I had already scared everyone away within a 20 foot radius of the pen section I was browsing in. Kitchen Tawlk brings out the best in people. So thank you for your help, Becky! My buttcheeks were further unclenched!
via somewhere on Convoy that you'll never find again... |
via Apartment Therapy |
Apparently you're required to have open shelves with a butcher block counter but I ain't doin' that because I hate dusting. I do think they are great to warm up a space and I'm squeeing twofold for them. I'll post later about the installation and sealing method I've chosen because I'm still researching that. Feel free to add your own thoughts and experiences in the comments to help keep my buttcheeks from clenching due to the anxiety of figuring out that part.
Right now I'm just hoping they're in stock when I go to Hotlanta to pick them up this weekend. I don't know how I'm going to fit all that wood in my trunk...
Classic as always... Can't wait to see the project come together!
ReplyDeleteEktorp... I just wanted to type that. Also, cinnamon rolls.
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
ReplyDeletecouldn't hold it in.
that's such a great idea. i have a feeling when this is all said and done i'm going to move into your kitchen. i'll only require a mini-yurt in the corner and a small water ration.
Nick - Ektorp is one of my favorite words of all time. After 'cinnamon rolls' of course.
ReplyDeleteHollie - just so happens I left juuuust enough room for a mini yurt (or mini mini barn) in the corner of the former hellmouth! BYO pizza rolls though...
Birth control? Sure, mock those of us for whom that cow has already left the barn (note to my wife: it's just a figure of speech). Where am I supposed to leave the little, uhh, darlings if not in the car??
ReplyDeleteDavid - what goes on between you, your wife's uterus and a cow is none of my biznass. Tell those kids to behave or else you won't leave the windows cracked this time.
ReplyDeleteYes! Yes! Yes! Um... I'm not orgasming...well not right now, anyway. But, YES!
ReplyDelete"Expensive AND geriatric finishes? Um... I think that's a business model doomed to failure Corian."
There are times when I wonder..."Who still buys that?" It's like when I took clients to La-Z-Boy to help them with a sectional. They had recliners for graves (my slang for old people, as in they will be in the grave soon) with typical old people fabric on it. Like pink ones and blue ones with that 80s car upholstery.
The sales lady tried to convince people still buy it. I of coursed figured that was somewhere only in the mid west where trends are trapped in a time warp of decades.
Yet, I then had to figure that no company was going to manufacture multiples of grave recliners just to sit and look, er, pretty. So there is a market there, but it has to be small. Really small. *shudder*
Clearly your goblin horde has either vacated the premises, or decided to play nice (surely they realized that messin' with MS could only result in their suffering).
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm no woodworker, I hear Danish Oil every 4-6 months will keep your Numerär (what you can't get an umlaut out of your keyboard?!?) in excellent shape.
Anyway...
Alycia - I have no problem if my posts lead to orgasming but at least wait for something really worthy!! But I frequently have decorgasms - no shame!
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame to hear about the La-Z-Boy recliner market. Maybe they should start making their chairs transition into coffins...
Izzy - I'm a formidable opponent! Those goblins bettah recogniiize...
Good to know about Danish Oil - I've been researching mineral and tung and Waterlox and all kinds of finishers and sealants!
Love the way you write! :)
ReplyDeleteThere's only truth about oiling wooden countertops people, and that's the fact that you have to oil when it's needed. Not once a week, not once a month and not once a year.
Spray water on your countertop to see if the wood soaks it up. If it does - sand it down, wipe off the dust and oil. Repeat if needed. If it doesn't, don't. :) Oh, and IKEAs cheap oil is actually just as good as a lot of MUCH more expensive products out there.
(Oiling every 4 to 6 months doesn't sound like enough to me, but what do I know. The air is really dry where I'm from, so our countertops are thirsty)
LOL!!! Srsly.
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering if I should add buttcheek unclenching to my menu of services now.
Also, you were in a Home Depot when we had that call?!
*veaplan speaks the simple & wonderful truth about wood countertop maintenance.
veaplan - Thanks so much and welcome to the Sauce! I'm furiously writing down all of your simple and wonderfully truthful advice!! I've heard of other people using products other than oil - just sealing it with polyurethane - to finish it but not sure if I want to do that...
ReplyDeleteBecky - Srsly. Thanks for your help! Feel free to quote me "buttcheeks unclenched" on your upcoming brochures and website testimonial section. ; )
I was in an Office Depot - what did I write?! Oopsy!!
The Oopsy is mine. Dunno why I thought it said Home Depot. Freud?
ReplyDeleteModernSauce: I'm just happy I found you, this is a wonderful site :)
ReplyDeleteYou can seal it with lacquer, different kinds of polys or wax, but sealing it completely is impossible, so the wood will still dry up and possibly crack.. it just takes longer.
I've sealed my oak dining table with lacquer, but that was already dried up and cracked. Oiling really is the best alternative on a surface that isn't fully dried up and takes as much abuse as a kitchen countertop.
veaplan - how sweet of you! Thanks so much for all of your advice too! You sound like you know your stuff! Question then: I heard that since I have such large windows in my space that repeated exposure to sunlight might discolor the wood over long periods of time. Maybe a very very light stain would set a "color" and then I oil on top of that... Is that really crazy or really smart? ; )
ReplyDelete