So good you won't even miss the cheese!

Remember when it rained and my roof leaked so I rode a rainbow and found things in my fridge and then won some badass furniture and then wrapped it all up in a hilariously poignant and soul touching story?  Well guess what was delivered to the Ranch last week?


I'll give you a hint:

Wheeeeee!!  It's the Tattoo End Table from the Modenus giveaway!!!  It looks just like the picture above except it has a third dimension and more fabulosity.  Awesome right?!  Yet again the universe was looking out for a madame because I was having a really bad - I can't remember why, maybe I ran out of cheese - when I got the call it was being delivered.  Yet another rainbow for me!  Pretty things always make me forget my misfortunes and cheese shortages.  

The table looks even better in person.  The tattooed hands are laser etched on the veneer and look like wood burning but have a great sketchy quality that you can't see from the larger pictures.

You can hardly see it in this picture either.  I think it's time for me and the R97700000 Camera of Amazing Awesomeness to spend some quality time alone together and get to know each other better.

 So here it is in situ.

Blammo.

We call this No Expectations decorating here at the ModSauce Ranch which is really "this is where things go til they find they're real home" decorating.  Let's break it down: zombie pit stain green walls which I swear I'll repaint but until them - I'm sorry.  I also do a lot of propping against the walls because it's easier to rotate things I want to look at regularly.  Additionally, the walls aren't sheetrock but some type of plaster they used in the 60's made of diamonds because you cannot drill a hole to hang a picture without a small nuclear explosion and I really don't have that kind of commitment with thrift store art.   Tattoo table doesn't seem to mind.  She seems to be exponentially cool slumming it next to the vintage chair and Ikea lamp.  The blank canvas is something that I'm TOTALLY going to paint some wicked art on one day.  Right now I call it a Study in White #1 Next To Empty Frame.  Welcome to the ModSauce Ranch, Tattoo!

Yes that's a big white furball on the left but I didn't see it until it was too late. Deal with it.  No Expectations!

Charlemagne likes it too.  She doesn't like riding rainbows because it makes her fur go in the opposite direction and she hates that.  


Thanks again to Modenus and Maybelline Te of Snug Furniture!  Oh and rainbows of fortune.  Gawd bless the internet.

Pimpin ain't easy but shopping is.

Yesterday's post made me cranky so I figured we'd talk about something infinitely more fun - shopping!  Every year around the holidays bloggers pump out wish lists and gift ideas for every type of person imaginable.  Are you a nerdy dog-loving emo Harajuku girl with six fingers on one hand and a love for purple and indie-electro-pop music?  Then we have just the list for you!  But I guess since the JCP catalog is now defunct (RIP) then these wish lists are all we have anymore to shop from.  Hopefully kids now have moms who know how to use the internet because mine doesn't so without the JCP catalog I would have been fucked.


Everybody seems to love pretending to buy gifts from the lists but do people actually shop from them?  I doubt it so I'm going to start the annual "Shit I Bought Myself" post holiday roundup and then you can be just like me if you want.  I'm treading on dangerous territory here because I told most of my friends I wanted to keep Christmas small because I'm broke but now I'm showing them WHY I'm broke.  Hey - priorities.  It's all about ME this year remember??  It's also the end of January and I'm still shopping for me so this post is still completely relevant.


First off, I'm functionally retarded when it comes to gadgets but I bought a Roku at the advice of a saucy friend and love it!  I feel so fancy.  Please don't mention Google tv if you think it's better because it'll embarrass Santa.

you're adorable Roku

It's a precious little box of goodness that streams all my favorite episodes of Arrested Development from Netflix and Hulu and Amazon and I can jam to my favorite Bieber stations on Pandora.  It also has a bunch of other weirdo channels...  Crappy 1940's Westerns?  You're in luck.  I even installed it (I plugged it in) all by myself.  I'm so tech savvy I think I'm going to go write some code right now.  *beep boop beep*

West Elm's Winter Ice canape plates but they're gone now. Your loss.

These are perfect when I serve my selection of tiny boxes of raisins and Triscuits when I'm hosting a fancy No Expectations Party.

from abbytrysagain

I heart snakes so this print was an easy sell.  $11.  Done.

Photoshop fabulosity courtesy of Makeup and Beauty Blog

Bliss Blood Orange + White Pepper products smell so damn good and therefore I do too.  Thanks Santa.  The Bill Compton cameo was just a bonus but this graphic obviously implies he would like it too.  SOLD!!!

You know you want it too.

I'll never craft anything out of this book just like I never made a recipe out of her cookbook but it made me pee my pants.  Must have.


Oh and I'm buying myself some of these:

Except with MORE cathedral arches!!  You can never have enough cathedral arches when it comes to oak cabinets!!!  I'll be ordering them next week for an extra late Christmas present to myself and I'll tell you all about them so you can get up close and personal with these beauties. 


But since I spent all my money on the fun things above there are a few things that ended up being out of my price range.  Wah wah waaaah...  Like these little guys:

from Syma Small Works

That's 24k gold on the insides of those little 3" smoked pots but at $90 for ONE it means I'll have to start pimping hos out of the new kitchen  They do come with a poem though.  Next year....


And I'll have to pass on this scarf.

Grommet Scarf via Design for Mankind

At $225 I did a WTF double take but I do love that hardware.  Oh do I love it...  Who needs a sink?  This scarf will satisfy my thirst for fashion accessories. 




I also technically can't afford this:

But I'm figuring that the pimping business I'll be doing out of the newly remodeled space will definitely pay for it because even though pimpin' ain't easy I think Ice T showed us that it does indeed bring success.  Or at least a job on the best version of Law & Order next to Christopher Meloni.  

Madame Sunday chooses a contractor or "How to NOT Find a Contractor: Saucy Style."

Cue the chorus of Camille Grammer back-up dancers and pop that bottle of Andre you've been saving because I found a contractor for the upcoming kitchen remodel!!!! *jumping and clapping and glitter raining from the heavens*  It's been so long since I actually posted anything about my remodel that maybe all you ones and ones of new readers don't even know I'm doing a remodel. Well I am.  And I need it.  Badly.  And now that there's an actual start date that, you know, is real and doesn't exist in my head I'm going to bombard you with every fucking piece of minutiae about it because this is what I think about all gawddamn day and therefore I want you to suffer too.  I mean delight in it.  Yes definitely the last one.  But first I gotta find some poor schmuck to install some cabinets and a few other small chores.  The hunt begins...


Overall I found this experience to be quite fucking miserable.  I started making inquiries last SUMMER.  If you don't know it's now the end of January.  The following year.  Part of this was my fault - the Madame could win an award for procrastination as long as I didn't have to enter an essay by a reasonable deadline.  In my effort to bore you to death with previously mentioned minutiae I wrote a really long and boring post about this process.  Like to hear it?  Here it go.

I don't have any relevant pictures for this topic so I'm just throwing in some random crap.

June:  I started by calling subcontractors directly and a few recommendations given to me by friends.  This was all a disaster.   No one that a friend recommended returned my phone call.  What a great start!!  The subs I spoke to were relatively nice but I realized I needed a project manager and I did not want it to be me because I have a job and I will most likely lose my shit at some point during this process.  I will pay for someone else to organize and it'll give me one single person to yell at.  I like to be efficient like that.  Also, subs and I generally do not get along.  I hate to generalize (except as a punchline to a hilarious joke) but I don't trust these redneck fuckers as far as I can see them and I really hate looking at them for long periods of time.  Where are all the hot handymen with strong hands and hearts of gold???!!  I don't want to pull out the vagina card but I'm thinking being a young single Madame probably isn't helping.  When I talk to them I always have the same feeling when I leave my car to be serviced - that uneasy reluctant ball of "please please don't fuck with me" feeling that never really goes away because I have no way of knowing what goes on underneath the hood until I'm stranded in Murdertown on the side of the road or my ceiling collapses while I'm making Totino's Pizza Rolls seared salmon on a bed of local organic greens.    

I can't help it.  It makes me laugh every time.

July:  More research, more recommendations, more phone calls, more waiting.  I got a few nibbles but they were pretty lame.  Once I ask a construction dude how long the electrical work will take for installing a few more outlets and light switches.  This is a trick question because I obviously know how long this will take and I'm just testing him.  He responds by asking me if I've thought about what I want the edge on my counter to look like.  "They have round ones and roundier ones and ones with two round things..." he says as he draws edge profiles on a napkin.  Fuck.  You.  Get out of my house.


August: I have a new list of names and make more phone calls again with no call backs.  I'm not on a deadline but hell aren't we in a recession?  I begin to drink more.  I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  A friend tells me to use Service Magic which is like the eHarmony of contractors.  I resist.  I'm not to that point yet am I???  

my thoughts exactly Dude

September:  I hate contractors now and even just men in general make me squinty-eyed because I think they're all flaky misogynist liars out to steal my time and money.   I don't know what happened this month - I waited a lot, turned 30 and probably did a lot of evaluating my life, indulging myself and very little kitchen work.  Well, that's a lie because I did kitchen stuff but only the fun stuff like work on the cabinet plan and shop for tile.  That's really all a kitchen is anyway, I tell myself, pretty things.  La la-la la-la...

Will you help me find a contractor?

October: The irrational desperation has set in.  I realize my friends must hate me because why are they doing this to me???  Why is this so damn hard??  I start making cold calls - I'd rather have a trusted recommendation but when you're surrounded by frenemies you learn you are all alone and to trust no one except google.   It's just you and me, Charlemagne, and you're really only with me when there's bacon involved.  I talk to a few receptive people on the phone but when I send them my floorplan, scope of work and budget they never talk to me again.  I'm cheap but organized - they're assholes.  Way to be professional, dicks.  I'm a big girl and if you don't want to work with me do me the professional courtesy of texting me like a normal person.   I call more people - they aren't accepting new work.  Is the recession over and no one told me??  Fuck.  


I've lost all track of time:  But my luck is turning!  I find someone legitimate that an ARCHITECT friend recommended.  Faan-ceee!  They are nice and have a clipboard and don't smell.  I think I cry from relief.  Despite wanting to giggle and hug them inappropriately a nice consultation ensues, they bring subcontractors by to see the project and seem excited for the business.  Sure we can meet your budget - no problem.  This is a great project - fast and easy!  My heart soars.  Then one day I get snubbed when I see them in public - oooohhh...  This makes me want to shove his clipboard up his ass.  When the bid comes in it's double where they said it would be with no explanation.  Methinks you overbid because you didn't want the job.  Thanks for stringing me along for three weeks and making me take time off of work multiple times to meet you when you really didn't want the project.  I hope you get a really nasty intestinal parasite, fuckwad. 

here.  I have no idea...

November: I have perfected my cold call speech except now it is devoid of all emotion or hope or politeness and apparently this all works.  I have a great meeting with a company that works in the cool part of town and they guys laugh at all my jokes except the one I made about a seance.  Note to self: do not let your freak flag fly so early.  I anxiously await the bid but don't want to put all my eggs in one basket.  I ain't dumb.  I search for more options.


Still November:  I go to Service Magic in secret.  Somehow I feel it's the place of last resort for losers but I AM 30 now...  It's an awkward site.  They're supposed to "match" me with up to three contractors but I only get one because this ain't a big city y'all.  My match?  Sears home improvement services who eerily call me within 30 seconds.  They can only offer me HVAC work, Ty Pennington and tires and that's really not what I need so don't act all pissy that I don't want to use you, Terrance!!!  I search more on Service Magic and find a list of local contractors that for some reason they DIDN'T match me with.  WTF????  #magicfail  Found one cool one out of the list but his bio says he runs his business following his Christian principles. *cringe*  However the consultation was good and he was normal.  Beggars can't be choosers but I really do NOT need to make seance jokes with this dude.


December: Bids come in.  They are reasonable and I'm positively buoyant that I actually made progress!  Except for the fact that no one itemizes a bid to my satisfaction I can whip these fuckers into shape.  I make a spreadsheet for an official saucy side-by-side comparison.  The numbers aren't that far apart and they both have good references which means I have to rely on my psychic abilities and convoluted personal feelings about each company.  However by now it's Christmas and I'm distracted by sparkly lights and glittery things and eggnog.


A NEW YEAR COMETH!

Gawd I need some cuteness right now

January:  Ok for real, I need to quit stalling and pick a dude.  I've talked to references, seen their work and although they each have pros and cons I feel like they could each do a good job.  But which one is best for me??  Is the anticipation killing you?  Are you still even reading this?   Company 1 has a lot in common with me - they're kinda professional hipsters who dig vintage homes, the project manager is a ginger (bonus points), are always good to follow-up with me and we always have a great time when I see them.  Whhheeeee!  But even though they are good at communicating with me they don't answer my questions like I would want them to and I'm always just a tad disappointed after talking with them about the project.  Company 2 is rather bland - we don't have that shared warm and fuzzy feeling like Company 1.  Sad face.  However they are nice guys, very professional and the way they answer my questions is incredibly thorough and I always feel relieved after I read their answers.  I WANT to work with Company 1, I'm excited to work with Company 1 but I have a feeling that I like them too much.  My stupid girl personality is not listening to the rational brain part of me that says laughing over shared Family Guy jokes is NOT an indication that they'll do a good job.  I have a very real fear (that perhaps only another girl would understand) that when problems or important decisions arise in the future that our funny fun times will get in the way of me having to rip them a new asshole.  I'll be too nice because I won't want to hurt ginger's feelings.  Fuck my polite Southern upbringing!  Since I don't have a personal connection with Company 2 I can feel much more free to bitch when necessary or makes outlandish demands or other general diva-like behavior with no remorse.   I'm kidding, I only bitch at you people here on the blog.  I'm practically a saint in real life.  *innocently bats lashes*

Are these random pics getting awkward yet?  Replace Facebook with my reader and that's pretty much my day.

Despite all my asking the 8 ball research there's really no solid way of knowing how someone will perform until you experience it.  That sounds way sexier than I mean it especially if you've seen my shithole of a kitchen.  So I chose Company 2 and broke up with Company 1.   I felt like I killed a puppy.  Company 1's owner emailed and we talked and talked and talked and deals were offered and people were upset but maybe they should have put forth that kind of effort BEFORE it was time to make my decision.  Too little, too late.  Also their bid was still a mess.  But we can all totally go out for a beer sometime.  Meanwhile Company 2 is still answering my questions to my satisfaction.  Mostly...   Time for a madame to nut up or shut up or whatever the girl version of that is.


In the end I probably called about 15 general contractors plus subs.  I spoke to maybe 6.  I received 4 bids.  Two were legitimate.  This ratio is pathetic.  If this was my industry I would be embarrassed.  Or perhaps I have no idea what the hell I'm doing (a VERY likely possibility) and it will continue to be made clear over the next several months.  Of course any contractors that are reading this obviously have an internet connection and incredible taste in blogs so I bet they're  doing okay which means I probably couldn't afford them.  I want a contractor with really low self-esteem so he goes above and beyond what is necessary because he feels inadequate and won't charge me hardly anything.  There was no where to indicate that on Service Magic.  I looked.


I'm sure I'll have plenty more insights as this project progresses so stay on your toes.  Construction begins February 28.  Mark it on your calendar.  Right now I'm just cranky about this whole process and the fact that my GC is down with JC.  Think I'll go drink some wine and text with the ginger while we watch Family Guy reruns.

This makes me exceedingly happy.

Sweet jeezus that's nice.  here

I live in a small town in the South which is like living in a time warp so I just saw The King's Speech this weekend. I (silently) squeed so hard at the cinematography, set design and wallpaper I think people around me thought I was having a seizure.

three from here

Lots of chairs and sitting and assymetry...

.

here

and decaying walls

here

and her in full fabulosity

here

and bohemian sensibilities

here

and him.  Lots and lots of him.  

Not Colin Firth.  King George VI here

So much goodness that I can't find pictures of.  Go see it if you live in a time warp too and then we'll discuss amongst ourselves.

Madame Sunday breaks up with a contractor dude.

here

MS: Hi Contractor Dude - it's MS.  Sigh... we need to talk.


CD:  oh no, this sounds bad...


MS:  This is really hard.  *waves hands in front of eyes to suppress the tears*  I've decided to go with someone else for my kitchen remodel.  It was a really tough choice but I think this is for the best.


CD:  Wow.  I did NOT see this coming.  I really thought this was going to work out.  We were doing so well...


MS:  I know, I know.  I thought so too.  Just...


CD:  I mean, we got along so good!  Had the same interests in the community...  The same sense of humor - we could be so goofy together!  Remember when we first met and laughed so hard at your kitchen...??!!  God - how often does that happen??


MS: Every time someone comes in the kitchen.  It's so rare!  I know - that's what makes this so hard.  

here

CD:  That day at the renovated firehouse, you know, was really special.  You said you really liked our woodworking.  Were you lying?  WAS IT ALL A LIE???!!


MS: Of course not! You're so talented and what we had was real.  But we need to leave it in the past. 


CD: Why?  I thought we really connected - you saw the renovation in my house for chrissake!   I let you in!!  I let you inside!!!  And now you're stomping on my insides like you feel nothing!  NOTHING!!


MS:  DON'T TELL ME HOW I FEEL!!  I told you that I liked your work and I was honest.  Don't turn the great things we shared into something grotesque and nasty.  Don't ruin that memory!  But the numbers don't lie...  


CD: But we can change that!  We can go back and go over things again and adjust things and see if we can't work something out and maybe, maybe, we don't reallyneedthatextra 


*sssshhhhhh - holds finger to his lips - ssssshhhhh* 


MS:  Just stop.  It's too little, too late.  We should have talked about that stuff weeks ago but...  This just isn't meant to be.


CD:  So what is it then?  What does he have that I don't have??


MS:  Come on, let's not do it like this...  


CD:  No I want to know!  What was it?  Was he nicer?  What was his bid like?  Did he have a bigger truck? You told me truck size didn't matter!


MS:  Get a hold of yourself!  You're talking crazy now!  It's nothing that you did really.  Honestly it's me not you.  I need to grow and spread my wings.  You were holding me back because...  because, well I liked you too much.  There, I said it!   It was something that I had to do for my own self because otherwise it would have been too hard later.  If something had happened and my feelings were in the way who do you think would have suffered? ME, that's who!  And the kitchen and we don't need to take this out on the innocent kitchen.  It just wants to be pretty and loved and prepare delicious meals!!  Remember the kitchen!


CD:  That doesn't even make sense.  I don't understand what you're saying...


MS:  You don't have to understand me, only set me free.

here

CD:  I just hope he treats you good.  You deserve that at least...


MS:  Thank you.  Thank you for making this easy.  You know how much respect I have for you...


CD:  So will I see you again?


MS:  Sure I'll see you around!  You're working in the neighborhood and I'll see you at events - we have the same friends.  You're so great you're going to find new work so fast - people will be lined up outside your door I know it!!


CD:  Well, can I call your friend about helping with her bathroom remodel?


MS:  WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BACKSTABBING MAN WHORE ARE YOU???!!!!  Have some respect - we JUST broke up!  Asshole.

Yet another post where I squee a lot and talk about a random 80's movie.

I think I may have found my secret mountain hideaway magical elf house courtesy of Trendir.

My heart just exploded with sleek A-frame cuteness.   I'm sure the heart-exploding squee-venture I experienced was not exactly the feeling the architect was going for - that was probably more of an exhalted calm - but I can't help it.  Me wanty.  

I'm sure he'll be even more thrilled to know I'm jumping up and down and clapping my hands right now!  There may even be more squeeing but I can't really confirm or deny it.  This could only be better if the apex at the roof jizzed sparkly fireworks every night.   

In my mind it already does.

Now I'm skipping around its perimeter and licking the walls.  Normal right?  RIGHT??!!!!  This is a vacation home that is described as a "cabinet of curiosities" for the owner.  Apparently the client is a rather eccentric lady person and collects rare books, wine and stuffed birds.  Hopefully that means taxidermy and not plushies.  I might pass out from pleasure when I see the interior.

I think if Darth Vader had hot teddy bear sex with an ewok and they made a baby and that baby was a pointy bombshelter then this would be it.  It's all black and hard and seems menacing but at the same time it's tiny and lives in a forest and is totally smiling at me right now.  Awwww....

  

Some technical nerdery:

I would kill a baby ewok to have a collection of those models.

Site plan porn.

Isn't proportion fun??!!!!!  


From the architect: 

"The house aims to undermine the seeming limitations of a triangular section by augmenting and revealing the extreme proportion in the vertical direction, and utilizing the acutely angled corners meeting the floor as moments for thickened walls, telescopic apertures and built-in storage." 

*eye-motherfuckin-roll*  I both hate it and love it when designer people get in the zone and talk straight from their asses brains about their own work.  (Lawd knows I've spit plenty of shit once upon a time.)   I would call a triangular section more pure than "limiting" but I'm no architect and without overcoming geometry's inherent dickishness that victory roof would just be vainglorious and really, who wants that?  But this place is still pretty badass so he can say whatever the fuck he wants about extreme proportions and sexy telescoping apertures.  

Hey waaaaaiiit a minute...    Did he just establish a circle of comfort and then place a bunch of bookshelves BELOW it???!!!  I'm not sure if the satisfaction I feel for the attention to detail with regard to human scale would balance out the fact that I have to bend over to get books on the bottom shelf...  If I was fancy enough to build my own house designing for my laziness would be the first priority.  I would design everything just like they stock grocery store shelves - all the delicious crap right in front of my face requiring minimal effort.

Blah, blah, blah it's awesomely tranquil but the I'm pretty sure those chairs are only for ewok-sized sitters.  Nothing makes me more huffy (yeah, I'm really bringing out the salty language now!) than trying to figure out how to get out of a chair where my ass is two inches from the ground but my knees are higher than my armpits.  I can either roll over to a kneeling position and then gently raise up like the demure geisha that I'm not or assume the always classy I'm-giving-birth-in-a-third-world-country squatting position and hoist myself up while trying not to spill my drink.  I guess short squatty chairs are necessary to "augment and reveal" the extreme vertical of the house and the extreme awkwardness of my unladylike coordination.  Madame Sunday: 0.  Awesome-looking but sadistic furniture: 98237437428438.

Is all the scenery real????

 all images from Trendir and William O'Brien Jr.

I think I would have liked this more if I hadn't have created such an intense backstory in my head but once I went ewok I just couldn't NOT think about them.  I'm not sure what I was actually expecting for a contemporary "cabinet of curiosities" but I don't think it was this.  However I could definitely spend some weekends here contemplating vast triangular sections and awesome 80's movies.  

After I buy a rug.

Honeysuckit: The only color in the world.

Behold!!!  It's my obligatory post about Pantone's color of the year for 20'leven!  I'm chucking my deuces up for 2010 and hoping the door doesn't hit Tur-qwaz on the way out. 

Get ready for Honeysuckle 18-2120  being pink despite everything you've ever learned about Honeysuckle being yellow or white.  Yellow was the color of the year a few years ago - it was Mimosa.  Pantone of course doesn't repeat colors to close together because that would be stupid.  Oh wait...

I generally think of Pantone as a sad sellout of a company that now may be destroying the Gulf Coast in a theory I made up but for sure sells overpriced bullshit in their name to assholes (read: some graphic design-y people but not the ones who read this blog of course.) who think it's cool.  Hence the gift bags and wall paint and credit cards and eyeglasses and dildos.  I'm kidding.  They haven't invented the dildos.  Yet...  People already get off on their nerdy Pantone love so it's only a matter of time until they take that to the next level.  But however much their marketing department sucks they pretty much have the monopoly on color for the world so we're kinda stuck with them for awhile.  Until I build my empire.  Or they offer me a job.  [MS Sidebar: Can I be the Urban Decay of color standards?  Dream.  Fucking. Job.  But enough about me...]

via Pantone

There was either a lot of swooning or barfing about the choice but not a lot of discussion about it.  I'LL DO IT!!  *frantically waves hand in air*  I love over-analyzing things of little consequence and I've been stuck at home for days because of this gawdamn miracle of ice and snow so what the hell else do I have to do?   Besides, it's my blogging duty to talk about it.  Every time I mention Honeysuckit Pantone sends me one tiny thread of a swatch so soon I'll have a full one of my very own!  Squee!!

Lonny

Pantone may be trying to take over the world but I think they got this one right (mostly).   As a matter of fact I think this was an obvious choice.  I don't know how you could actually read a magazine or a blog or look at a catalog within the past twelve months and NOT see pink everywhere...??  Are we even all looking at the same internet?  

via Design Guide

Color forecasting usually involves at least half a dozen "stories" many with a recurring theme.  That recurring theme - in this case a hot pink or Pantone's yearly color declaration - gives consumers an easily digestible morsel of otherwise complex market trends.  Consumers love to consume these empty design calories. 

mmmhhh....  so good it's almost like real food!!

Pantone's marketing department is possibly a group of evil geniuses.  Of course they have us all wrapped around their little pinkie finger (did you see what I did there?! hohoooo!) because people go apeshit over this kind of color.  You don't have to like shades of pinks but you have to accept the way consumer trends fall and respect the power of the pink.  And by power I mean of course the majority of disposable income-having lady persons who adore pink, read cutesy blogs and like to buy lots of clothes.  Oh and have vaginas.  I bet vaginas are going to have a big 20'leven too.  And boobs.  I'm already cringing at the future cross promotion of Pantone's Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure of Breast Cancer and Lackluster Interiors In Need of A Pop of Color!  Next October will make you want to hang yourself.  


Leatrice Eiseman (great name - read her color blog here), Pantone's executive director says

A dynamic reddish pink, Honeysuckle is encouraging and uplifting. It elevates our psyche beyond escape, instilling the confidence, courage and spirit to meet the exhaustive challenges that have become part of everyday life.

In times of stress, we need something to lift our spirits. Honeysuckle is a captivating, stimulating color that gets the adrenaline going – perfect to ward off the blues.

Lonny

To ward off the blues??  LOLs Leatrice!  Is that a tongue-in-cheek reference to how dated Turquoise already is (was) or the fact that our country is still in the shitter?!  I can't tell but I applaud your attempt at being saucy.  In summation: Your life still sucks, think pink!


She continues:

 Honeysuckle derives its positive qualities from a powerful bond to its mother color red, the most physical, viscerally alive hue in the spectrum.

Miles Redd.  You know you went apeshit when you first saw this forever ago.

Red as a mother color?  Are you trying to work in some sort of mama grizzly/blood libel reference too??   That would really round out your awkward explanation and fit with my Pantone-is-involved-in-a-conservative-conspiracy-theory theory.


Horrible copy aside, pink does provide a burst of visual energy whether you like it or not.  It does take balls to wear a pink tie or paint a wall hot pink.  Just like the generation born of the Great Depression pink certainly has the energy and strength to inspire the country!!!!!!!!  Calm down Leatrice - it's just a color, you're not bringing back the middle class.  However, it is a welcome foil to the solid neutrals and cool greys that make classics feel new again.  It's the primary color in the floral orgasmisplosion of this year and hipsters love it but only ironically.  If Domino was Turquoise, Lonny is Honeysuckle and you KNOW Lonny was everywhere this year whether you read it or not.   Though I agree with the color family I would have preferred a different shade of pink.  I wish that Pantone would have gone less one-dimensional Pepto Junior League pool party and a more yellowed acidic pink but maybe I'm just rebelling against the avalanche of bubblegum that is soon to bury us all in sticky sweetness. 


But it didn't have to end up like this.  At first I was excited by all the champagne, blush and apricot that started appearing last winter.  

board by city sage

It soon moved to the tangerine florals of Spring:

Lonny

And then the over-saturation colors of vintage everything made my inner polanerd happy (kinda but not really).   

Karen Elson in Foam magazine via Fashion Gone Rogue

Thank you Christina Hendricks.  

No seriously, thank you.

You're hawt and this was your year. 

Medicina Rossa via Behance

Maybe I was all tripped out because I wish we would have stopped somewhere around here: warm, earthy and vibrant.  But noooooo.  Y'all had to keep pushing it to straight up PANK.  (That's how you say pink here in the South.)

Oh RiRi.  How interesting that your video and song encapsulates both the color AND subsequent emotion surrounding my thoughts on pink.  At first you were so fresh and bright and energetic.  I loved you like you were a hot pie and we danced and sang in the car like madwomen.  

Theo Altenberg via But Does It Float

Matt Moore who pwned everything last year

Omigawd color explosions!  In your fucking face multicolor florals!  

via seesaw

The color is so sharp it makes my teeth hurt just like when RiRi sings the chorus.  It's a good hurt though.  

Desire to Inspire

Hold me like that pink pillow.  It's starting to feel right... 

board via coco + kelley

Little Shop

more Lonny pinkfest via sfgirlbybay

two from city sage

And then it's everywhere - all over the radio and every time I read a blog.  That's okay though because I'm still turning you up really loud to dance and feel like you're the only color I'll ever love. 

Nuevo Estilo via Automatism

Perhaps if you combine it correctly a pink pillow can still make you feel like a man??  I don't know, I'm stretching here...

Kate Spade holiday 2010

Little Shop

Get ready for the cobalt explosion via StyleCaster

Desire to Inspire

overdyed rugs via Real Simple

Indeed you really are the only color in the world.  A little bit goes a long way.  A really really long way.  

J. Crew Spring from here

You're right - I am starting to feel like your puce prisoner of the night, RiRi.  My ears are bleeding from your incessant screeching and I can't handle this ice cream cone of an outfit.

[insert Lilly Pulitzer shit here but I just can't bring myself to actually waste time hunting down an image.  Just imagine every too tan middle-aged yuppie lady you see in the summer.]

David Alhadeff via Design*Sponge

MAKE.  ME.  FEEL.  Like I'm going to barf if I see anymore pink.  Really, it was fun while it lasted but I think I'm done now.   I don't want to hear that song ever again and just compiling this blog post made me never want to see pink again either.   

In the wrong hands we're dangerously close to this:

evil. I'm like the Dennis Miller of obscure pop culture and design-y subreferences

We still have another 12 months of this shit.  


Fuck.  me. 


Preferably not with a Pantone-specified dildo.